The Benefits of Being Female
** We got off the Titanic first.
** We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
** We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and
are nice to us when we crash our computers.
** Our boy friend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - guys look like
complete idiots in ours.
** We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
** We can cry and get off speeding fines.
** We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a
computer game.
** Taxis stop for us.
** Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
** We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
** Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies (you get the picture).
** We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
** We can hug our friends without wondering if WE are gay.
** We know The Truth about whether size matters.
** New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
** If we have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, we're not
the devil.
** If we're not making enough money we can blame the glass ceiling.
** Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep (Ouch)
** It's possible to live our whole lives without taking a group shower.
** No fashion faux pas we make could rival The Speedo.
** We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
** If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it's because we're being
emotionally neglected.
** If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
** We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt.
** If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
** We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are
still there.
** If we're dumb, some people will still find it cute.
** We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to socially fit in.
** We have the ability to dress ourselves - and coordinate.
** We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them
naked. (Weeeeeelllll.....that depends!)
** Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in
our teeth.
** There are times when chocolate really can solve your problems.
** Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.
** We'll never regret piercing our ears.
** We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
** We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
** When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's
pathetic.
** We'll never discover we've been dumped by a Wonderbra.
** If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an
idiot.
