How To Shower - Like a Woman:
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to
lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband
along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so
that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah,
wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
vitamins.
7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with
natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until
red raw.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you
must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get
it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you lose the
water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African Country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with
nails/tweezers if found.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and
then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
How to Shower - Like A Man:
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a
pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake
wiener at her making the "woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror, suck in your gut, look for
pecs. Admire yourself in the mirror.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
14. Pee (in the shower).
15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor
because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
16. Partially dry off.
17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire self again.
18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
19. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
20. Return to the bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass your wife,
pull off towel, grab wiener, go "Yeah baby!"
21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while hen leave to chat
with a college drinking buddy -2
Named Tiffany -4
Tiffany is a dancer -6
Tiffany has implants -8
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly +1
When mingling, you introduce her as "the old ball and chain"
and pat her on the rump -5
When she points out a hot-looking woman and asks if you think
she's pretty, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as pretty as you" +1
When she points to a woman and asks if you think she's pretty, you say,
"Yeah, but don't worry, she's lousy in bed" -6
That woman is her sister -90
You have one drink, and that's it 0
You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle....
