Your Mother Wears Combat Boots! Your Mother Swims After Troop Ships!

Your Mother Wears Combat Boots! Your Mother Swims After Troop Ships!

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Your Mother wears combat boots!
Your Mother Swims after troop ships!
Your brother Blows boy scouts!

A classic one... that is off-colour!
- Have you ever had P*ssy arounf your neck?
(Answer no is expected)
- What were you then? An As*hole Baby?

Do you know what the difference is between a Big Mac and a Blow Job?
(..... no .......)
Well then, how about lunch tomorrow!

-- John will be the subject of our joke.
John and two others were in Jail. The jailkeeper came in and said he
would let them out if thier combined penis measurments were 20 inches!
so they measuered the first guy - 10 inches!
the measured the second guy - 9 inches!
And they measured John - 1 inches!
and they all got out of jail! = 20 inches!
When they were all outside the jail the first guy said "Whew, Glad I
had 10 inches!" the second guy said "Whew Glad I had 9 inches" and John
Said "Whew, Glad I had a HardON"!

-- John is again the butt of our joke!
One day John dies, he goes to heaven and finds that BURT REYNOLDS and
ROBERT REDFORD both have died at the same time. So as St. Peter was
handing out assignments he sent Burt Reynolds into a room to live for the
rest of eternity. Inside the room was the uglyist Woman you had ever seen
and a BOOMING voice said "Burt, for the sins you have committed on earth
you get her for the rest of eternity"
Robert Redford was sent into a room with a horribly disfigured ugly
woman(Like in Throw momma from the train) and a booming voice was heard
"Robert, for the sins you have committed in life you get HER for the rest
of eternity!"
John was sent into a room with Paula Abdul(Awesome Chick!) and he
heard a booming voice "PAula, for the sins you have commited you get him
for the rest of eternity"

As long as we have picked John to pick on:
John, who lead a sinless life, died and went, naturally, to heaven.
He was issued his wings and harp and let through the pearly gates.
One day, while flying around and playing his harp, John noticed, on a
lower cloud level, his old neighbor, Max. Now, Max had been a liar,
cheat, and all-round SOB all his life, so John was surprised to see him.
John was even more surprised to see that Max was sharing his cloud with a
naked woman and a keg of beer. Naturally upset, John immediatly filed a
complaint. "Why is an SOB like Max in heaven, and why did HE get a woman
and a keg of beer, when all I got was wings and a harp?"
Relax, he was told, that isn't heaven, Max is in hell! You see, the keg
has a hole in it, and the woman doesn't!

Related:

A woman from the south was attending a social gathering up north and tried striking up a conversation .
.. "Where're you all from?" she asked to a group of ladies....
ObJoke: This guy goes to Texas on vacation. (No, that's not the punchline.
) When he's ready to leave the airport, he hails a cab, but a stretch limo pulls up....
What's the difference between a banjo and a(n)... Chain Saw
( 1.) a chain saw has a dynamic range. ( 2.) you can turn a chain saw off....
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to watmath!
looking!funny . Attribute the joke's source if at all possible....
A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Texan, and a Mexican are flying in a plane.
The pilot explains to her passengers that the plane is too heavy and in order to avoid an ugly crash, some weight needs to be removed from the plane....
A black guy and a gorilla go into a bar together. He says to the bartender, "I'd like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here.
The bartender says, "Oh come on, pal, we don't serve no gorillas in here....
How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in- Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around....
The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals....
Once upon a time there was a sperm named Stanley who lived inside a famous movie actor.
Stanley was a very healthy sperm. He'd do pushups and somersaults and limber himself up all the time, while the other sperm just lay around on their fat asses not doing a thing....