What goes "Gu-gu-gu-gu-gu-gu-gu-gu-gu-gu-GA!"?
A baby with a speech impetiment (sp?).
>What's gross?
>Running over a baby.
>What's grosser than gross?
>Skidding on it.
>What's grossest of all?
>Peeling him off the tire.
Even grosser yet: Taking it home as Road kill.
The teacher instructed the class to draw a picture from something in the
Bible. As she walked around the room, she noticed one child drawing a
picture of a car with 3 faces in it.
"What part of the bible is that from?" she asked.
"Oh, that's God driving Adam and Eve out of Eden".
"Dad! Dad! Was that Dale Murphy that hit that home run?"
"What do you care, Sheldon, you're blind."
What do you get when you cross a Centipede with a Turkey?
I don't know wither but at thanksgiving Everyone got a Leg!
Why did the chicken cross the road??
It was to see his psychiatrist (who lived on the other side)
to learn what deep inner compulsion made him keep crossing
the road...
I have a mind like a steel sieve
"So -- they tell me you program in foreign languages! Can
you program in Spanish?"
"C".
What do you call a smurf with his pants down???
A blue moon...
Is that Murphy perched on my shoulder??
Jack + Jill are married and love each other.
Jack from time to time thinks Jill has affairs
with Tom, Dick, or Harry, but he is wrong.
Jack's best friend is John.
John's wife leaves him, and Jack invites John
to stay with him + Jill.
While Jill is consoling John, John fu*ks Jill.
Jill thus discovers that Jack can't trust John.
Enraged at John's betrayal of Jack,
Jill tells Jack he can't trust John, but not why.
Jack feels Jill is jealous of John + him + is trying
to break up their friendship.
Jack leaves Jill
Jack + John go off together.
Have you heard the three biggest lies?
1. I'll respect you in the morning.
2. The cheque is in the mail.
3. I will not come in your mouth.
A man and a woman were pulled over by a state trooper.
Trooper: "You wer doing 75 MPH."
Man: "No, I wasn't, I wass only going 55 MPH".
Trooper: "75!"
Man: "55!"
Trooper: "75!"
Man: "55!"
Trooper: "Hey, lady, he was doing 75, right?"
Woman: "Oh, officer, I learned years ago not to argue with him when
he's drunk!"
Use tact........you fathead!
A fate worse than death: To be married alive
Four women were sitting around talking.
First woman says, "My son, he wears a black skull cap
and black cossack. When he walks into a room all the people
get up and say, 'Oh, my Father!'".
Second woman says, "So? My son, he wears a red skull
cap and red cossack. When he walks into a room all the
people get up and say, 'Oh, my Reverence!'".
Third woman says, "Ach! My son, he wears a white skull
cap and white cossack. When he walks into a room all the
people get up and say, 'Oh, my Holiness!'".
The fourth woman says, "That's nothing. My son, he is
5'2" tall and 442 pounds. When he walks into a room all the
people get up and say, 'Oh, my GOD!'".
