The teacher asked little Johnny, "What's two and two?". He counted
1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said, "Four, teacher?". She said, " Yes,
that's right, but you counted on your fingers. Put your hands behind
behind your back and tell me what's three and three". He put his
hands behind his back, fumbled around, and answered, "Six, teacher?".
She said, "Yes, that's right, but you're still counting on your fingers.
Put your hands in your pockets and tell me what's five and five".
He put his hands in his pockets, fumbled around, and replied,
"Eleven, teacher?".
Little Johnny had a terribly foul mouth. His teacher was very reluctant
to call on him because he would invariably say something rotten. One
day she was having a spelling exercise. She said, "All right,
children, can anyone spell a word beginning with A?". Several hands
went up including Johnny's, but she called on someone else: " All
right Mary, can you spell a word beginning with A?". Little Mary
replied, "A-N-T, ant". "That's very good, Mary, A-N-T, ant".
Then she asked, "Can any one spell a word beginning with B?".
Again, several hands went up including Johnny's, but she called on
someone else: "All right, Richard, can you spell a word beginning
with B?". Little Richard replied, "B-E-E, bee". "That's very good,
Richard, B-E-E, bee".
And so it went down through the alphabet. Every letter, Johnny
had his hand up, but she called on someone else.
Finally, she got to the letter R. She asked, "Can anyone spell
a word beginning with R?". You guessed it. Only one hand went up.
She thought "Well, I've got to call on him", so she tried to think
of a dirty word beginning with R. Not being able to think of one,
she said, "All right, Johnny, can you spell a word beginning with R?"
Johnny replied, "R-A-T, rat". The teacher thought, "Boy, I lucked
out on that one!" and said, "That's very good, Johnny, R-A-T, rat".
Johnny replied, gesturing, "Yeah, with a cock about so long!".
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
