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• A FEW THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
  A successful woman is one who can find such a man....
• Various Nights Before Christmas... A Microsoft Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
  The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last minute Internet shopping....
• A tribe of Native Americans generally referred to their woman by the animal hide with which they made their blanket.
  Thus, one woman might be known as Squaw of Buffalo Hide, while another might be known as Squaw of Deer Hide....
• How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in- Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
  ).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around....
• ROMAN CATHOLICS Two leprechauns went up to a convent and knocked on the door.
  When the sister answered, one of the leprechauns said, "Sister, do you have any leprechaun nuns here?...
• The Poles have a saying about how communist governments rewrite history
  "Only the future is certain; the past is always changing" A would-be bandit failed because he had written a holdup up note on another bank's withdrawal slip....
• When I was in a six person suite of rooms, one of my room mates was a witch, and by coincidence, another room mate had a key to his room.
  One night the witch room mate returned to find that all six calendars in his room were set to October, and there was a pentagram of pencils on his desk....
• There was this young boy coming of age and his father wanted to show him the facts of life.
  So he gave him 20 bucks and sent him down to the local brothel to have a good time....
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...