Related:

• You have reached the offices of the planet Zarton. All our agents are busy undermining the governments of the Earth and cannot come to phone at the moment.
  However, your name and number can be left at the tone and a representative will gladly contact you shortly to arrange for your assimilation into the new order....
• An Unlikely Vacation... A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.
  The agent had had a very good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity....
• A group on nuns are travelling in a car when it has a flat tire.
  They get out and try to change it, but being rather unworldly do not know how to do it....
• Important tips for Mideastern Travelers ***************************************** Here is a list of useful phrases to know when traveling in Moselem area
  Akbar khalil-kili haftir loftan. "Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun....
• A rock band's drummer thought he would make a good policman, he was use to pounding a beat.
  A man was taken to the polic station and asked to confess, they showed him his fingerprints, and those found at the crime....
• USEFUL PHRASES TO KNOW WHEN TRAVELING IN MOSLEM AREAS "Akbar khali-kili haftir lotfan" = (Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun) "Fekr gabul cardan davat paeh gush divar" = (I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head and my legs apart) "Shomaeh fekr tamomeh oeh gofteh bande" = (I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life) "Auto arraregh davateman mano sepheh-hast" = (It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car) "Khrel jepaheh maneh vajateii amrikahey" = (I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies traveling as reporters) "Balli
  balli, balli!" = (Whatever you say!) "Maternier ghermez ahlieh, ghorban" = (The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency) "Tikeh nuneh ba ob khrelleh bezorg va khrube boyast ino begeram" = (The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you....
• THE BILL OF NO RIGHTS We, the sensible of the United State
  in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessing of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to obtain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusion, lazy and other wimps....
• Daily Affirmations I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself.
  Unless, of course, I want to stay employed. A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem....
• There is a married couple with two children. To avoid corrupting the children's minds, the couple uses the word "laundry" to represent sex.
  One night, the man rolls over to the wife and says "Honey, would you like to do laundry tonight?...