Related:

• Venus flytrap n. [after the insect-eating plant] See firewall machine.
• It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground.
  That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull?
  Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it?...
• I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly.
  But they forget the negative side, which is the preening. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I wish outer-space guys would conquer Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little basket-beds with my name on it.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...