Related:

• I won't tell you how much I weigh, but don't ever get in an elevator with me unless you're going down.
  -- Jack E. Leonard...
• There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E. Leonard
• I just want to say, if you had lived, you would have been a very sick man. -- Jack E. Leonard
• Your husband tells me you have a great mind. Too bad it hasn't reached your head.
  -- Jack E. Leonard...
• My wife's not the worst cook in the world, but she keeps on burning the coffee.
  You would too if you kept pouring it through the toaster all the time. -- Jack E. Leonard...
• The best form of exercise is picnics. You can use up two thousand calories trying to keep the ants and flies away from the potato salad.
  -- Jack E. Leonard...
• Did you ever have one of those nights where you didn't want to go out .
  .. but your hair looked too good to stay home? -- Jack Simmo...
• I'll never forget the time I was flying over Milwaukee and the pilot said, "We're now approaching the great city
  let's set our watches back one hundred years." -- Jack E. Leonard...