Related:

• Three fellas up in heaven. St. Peter's interviewing them.
  He says to the first guy, "How did you get up here in heaven?...
• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....
• In the Plaza Hotel once, when I was doing the quiz show, there was a priest in the elevator.
  I hope you're not offended by this--I'd tell a story about a rabbi but it doesn't fit, and neither did the rabbi and they finally threw him out of the synagogue....
• A horrible little boy came up to me and said, `You know in your book The Martian Chronicles?
  ' I said, `Yes?' He said, `You know where you talk about Deimos rising in the East?...
• I was in the store the other day and a salesperson came up to me and said, "Can I help you?
  I said, "Yea, give me what I need." She said, "I don't know what you need" I said, "You started it....
• I remember once being on a station platform in Cleveland at four in the morning.
  A black porter was carrying my bags, and as we were waiting for the train to come in, he said to me...
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• A fella's talking to his priest. He said, "I gave up sex for Lent .
  .. Well, I tried to, but the last day of Lent my wife dropped a can of peaches and when she bent over to pick 'em up, I couldn't help it....
• My friend Lance would call me up. He goes, "Bob ...
  he first guy that gets your daughter--wouldn't that freak you out?...