Related:

• Worship the potato? The idea seemed silly to me. But then I thought, what else is more deserving of worship?
  It's simple, it comes from the earth, and it can kill you if you disobey it....
• As the light changed from red to greeen to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life.
  Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling?...
• Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I'd rather be rich than stupid. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
• I wish my name was Todd, because then I could say, "Yes, my name's Todd.
  Todd Blankenship." Oh, also I wish my last name was Blankenship....
• If life deals you lemons, why not go kill somone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat)?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people, because I bet a lot of high schools would pick "Americans" as their mascot.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If there was a terrible storm outside, but somehow this dog lived through the storm, and he showed up at your door when the storm was finally over, I think a good name for him would be Carl.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...