Related:

• It's hard having a big nose. All my pullover shirts have stretch marks.
  I go to the beach, my friends make me lie on my back facing north so they can tell time....
• I had fried mozzarella cheese. Deep-fried cheese. Oh, there's a cardiovascular dream come true.
  The cheese doesn't have enough fat--let's give it a cholesterol Jacuzzi! ' -- Rick Corso...
• It's great to be smart 'cause then you know stuff.
• When I was a kid my mother switched religions from Catholic to Episcopalian.
  Which is what, Catholic Lite? One third less guilt than that regular religion!...
• Q: What do you call 50 Microsoft products at the bottom of the ocean? A: A darned good start.
• Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start!
• I do not know what I may appear to the world; but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the sea-shore
  and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me....
• I shall tell you a great secret, my friend. Do not wait for the last judgment, it takes place every day.
  -- Albert Camu...
• People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff.
  I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy -- and I keep it in a jar on my desk....