Related:

• Three rules for sounding like an expert: 1. Oversimplify your explanations to the point of uselessness.
  2. Always point out second-order effects, but never point out when they can be ignored....
• 1) If a tarpaulin can flap, it will. (2) If a small boy can get dirty, he will.
  (3) If a teenager can go out, he will. -- Three Rules of Immutability...
• Immutability, Three Rules of: (1) If a tarpaulin can flap, it will.
  (2) If a small boy can get dirty, he will. (3) If a teenager can go out, he will....
• 1) Never try anything with tomatoes in it. 2) Never try anything bigger than your head.
  3) Never, NEVER try anything that looks like vomit....
• 1. Always state motions in as complex a fashion as humanly possible.
  2. Allow 3 minutes to count the ayes, and one second the noes....
• The three rules of international air travel: (1) Never fly on Aeroflot if you can possibly avoid it (this used to be Braniff or Aeroflot).
  (2) Never bet a whole lot of money on two little pairs unless you know *exactly* what you're doing....
• William Safire's Rules for Writers: Remember to never split an infinitive.
  The passive voice should never be used. Do not put statements in the negative form....