Related:

• When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?
  We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Isn't it funny how we'll look out the window at the moon, and then we notice it's not the moon but a streetlight?
  Also what's funny is how we do this every night. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If doctors ever tell you that you've "flipped out," don't believe them, and just keep on doing what you were doing, because something tells me "the Man" is behind this.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Worship the potato? The idea seemed silly to me. But then I thought, what else is more deserving of worship?
  It's simple, it comes from the earth, and it can kill you if you disobey it....
• I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves.
  And usually the best way to do that was to turn on the TV. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...