Related:

• Isn't it funny how whenever we go to a county fair or a state fair, the first thing we do is see if they have some kind of pornography booth?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• How come, just as the rocket is launching, the astronauts don't also shoot some fireworks out the window?
  It would make the whole takeoff look more impressive. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• We like to praise birds for flying. But how much of it is actually flying, and how much of it is just sort of coasting from the previous flap?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself.
  Mankind. Basically, it's made up of two separate words---"mank" and "ind"....
• When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves.
  And usually the best way to do that was to turn on the TV. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the preside
  because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something....