Related:

• We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children?
  Well, she and I were. -- Mort Sahl...
• If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra.
  But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women....
• Yuppie going into Mo's Bar: This place isn't a Faux-Dive
  his places is a dive! Episode: Homer in the all-you-can-eat restaura...
• An optimist -- Someone who hasn't been given all the facts yet.
• An optimist is someone who believes that the secret of eternal life will be discovered before they die.
  A pessimist is someone who believes it will be discovered before Greg Evans does....
• I took a course at Cal once called Statistical Analysis.
  And there was a guy in the course who used to make up all his computations and he never used Sigma....
• Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.
  -- Mort Sahl...
• He was wearing a velvet shirt open to the navel. And he didn't have one.
  Which is either a show-business gimmick or the ultimate rejection of mother. -- Mort Sahl...
• Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. Had he run unopposed he would have lost.
  -- Mort Sahl...