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• Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
  But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. -- Steve Bluestei...
• Each honest calling, each walk of life, has its own elite, its own aristocracy based on excellence of performance.
  -- James Bryant Cona...
• Better not take a dog on the Space Shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• You know it's going to be a bad day when: your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.
• The only really masterful noise a man makes in a house is the noise of his key, when he is still on the landing, fumbling for the lock.
  -- Colette...
• Tie? You want me to wear a *tie*? Listen: There's only one time in a man's life when he should have a rope knotted around his neck, and that time ain't yet come for me.
  -- Canada Bill Jone...
• If your enemy is buried in quicksand up to his neck, pull him out.
  If he is buried up to his eyes, step on his head. -- Niccoli Machiavelli, "The Prince...
• A cynic is just a man who found out when he was about ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's still upset.
  -- James Gould Cozze...
• The drummer is level when he drools out both sides of his mouth.