Related:

• Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining
  What if there were no civilization out there? No cities, no factories, no people?...
• If doctors ever tell you that you've "flipped out," don't believe them, and just keep on doing what you were doing, because something tells me "the Man" is behind this.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes!
  Hey, better try the emergency brake! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection.
  I guess that's what I hated about him. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Anybody who has an identity problem had better wise up and get with the program!
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free.
  To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality....
• FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN
  #5 Trust: The average woman would really like to be told if her mate is fooling around behind her back....
• Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess.
  That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...