Related:

• Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the greatest works of genius ever created by Man.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection.
  I guess that's what I hated about him. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying.
  And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did....
• I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver.
  And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him and hand it to him....
• If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Instead of putting a quarter under a kid's pillow, how about a pinecone?
  That way, he learns that "wishing" isn't going to save out national forests....
• Some folks say it was a miracle. Saint Francis suddenly appeared and knocked the next pitch clean over the fence.
  But I think it was just a lucky swing. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you see an animal and you can't tell if it's a skunk or a cat, here's a good saying to help
  Black-and-white, stinks all right. Tabby-colored, likes a fella....
• I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets hit on the head and it damages the part of the brain that makes you want to study the brain.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...