Related:

• Anybody who has an identity problem had better wise up and get with the program!
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Frank knew that no man had ever crossed the desert on foot and lived to tell about it.
  So, he decided to get back in his car and keep driving. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• My new millionaire idea is one regular shoe and one "swollen" shoe, for when you get bit by a rattlesnake.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
• In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• After I die, wherever my spirit goes, I'm going to try to get back and visit my skeleton at least once a year, because, "Hey, old buddy, how's it going?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a big rock half-buried in the ground.
  You pull and you pull, but you can't get the rock out of the ground....
• Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...