Related:

• Instead of putting a quarter under a kid's pillow, how about a pinecone?
  That way, he learns that "wishing" isn't going to save out national forests....
• How come, just as the rocket is launching, the astronauts don't also shoot some fireworks out the window?
  It would make the whole takeoff look more impressive. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• To me, there's no better symbol for the world than a grasshopper lying dead on a gravel road, and maybe there's a globe lying next to him.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset?
  And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet....
• You know something that would really make me applaud?
  A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water skis!...
• I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp.
  That way, you could ride him, then after you camped at night, you could eat him....
• If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I think there probably should be a rule that if you're talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it's understood that you mean lengthwise loaves.
  Otherwise, it makes no sense. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I'd rather be rich than stupid. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey