Related:

• If you're a circus clown, and you have a dog that you use in your ac
  I don't think it's a good idea to also dress the dog up like a clown, because people see that and they think, "Forgive me, but that's just too much....
• If I had a mine shaft, I don't think I would just abandon it.
  There's got to be a better way. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly.
  But they forget the negative side, which is the preening. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy
  because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's just like everybody else....
• If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off.
  You see, we BUILD to that. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...