Related:

• Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way.
  Cars, too! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out.
  Wait. I guess that's like a regular window. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow?
  It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak....
• Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays?
  Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway...
• Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess.
  That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, mankind should be thinking about getting more use out of the weapons we already have.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING?
  ! -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS?
  It probably lasts longer, plus it moves around. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse.
  Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke....