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• Brad: Folks, I'm often asked about my qualifications.
  Well, I may not have a lot of "credentials" or "training", but I tell you one thing...
• Thank you, Martha Quinn. [Audience applauds] There you have i
  unrehearsed testimonies from important celebrities....
• Right now, I want each of you to try something interesting.
  There's no trick to it -- it's just a simple trick!...
• Oh, hi! I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such self-help videos as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Confident, Stupid".
  Well, now I'm here to tell you about the only real path to mental health....
• Brad: Principal Skinner, let's try some rage work. I want you to pretend this dummy right here is your mother.
  Skinner: OK, I'll try. Brad: Tell this dummy mother exactly how you feel right now....
• A few weeks ago, I was a washed-up actor with a drinking problem.
  Then Brad Goodman came along and gave me this job and a can of fortified wine!...
• Brad: People, I am excited. I can sense a change in the air tonight.
  You are all going to start _living_, really _living_....
• Brad: This is really remarkable. Here we have a man with an obvious eating disorder, and a woman with a bizarre hairstyle, I'm sure worn only for shock value -- Marge
  Erm -- Brad: -- and yet, they've managed to raise an emotionally healthy son....
• Brad: Son, you've never read any of my books, have you?
  Bart: [snorts] Earth to boring guy. [Audience howls with laughter] Brad...