Related:

• Homer: How was jerk practice, boy? Did they teach you how to sing to trees?
  And build crappy furniture out of useless wooden logs?...
• Bart: [to himself] Look, Homer won't want to go, so just ask him and he'll say "No.
  Then it'll be his fault. Homer: [to himself] I don't want to go, so if he asks me to go, I'll just say, "Yes!...
• Ned: Well, I guess now we know why they call them "rapids" and not "slowpids", huh?
  Bart: [appreciative] Ha, ha! Homer: You are not my son!...
• Homer: Son, there was something I was going to give you at the end of this trip, but since we may not survive, I want you to have it now.
  Bart: [gasps] A real Swiss Army knife! Cool! Home...
• Belle: I'm sorry. This is all my fault. Bart was filling in for.
  .. Homer: I don't care if he was filling in for Mel Zetz, he's my son, and I don't want him working....
• Homer: Don't worry, boy. We're gonna set you straight.
  By tomorrow morning, you'll be a regular Burt Reynolds....
• You are not my son! -- Homer Simpson Boy-Scoutz n the Hood
• Homer: Pssst. Marge, come take a look at this. [Bart has fallen asleep at his desk] Marge
  Oh... the little tiger tries so hard. Why does he keep failing?...
• Homer: A whole week of just father and son. See you at dinner.
  [both walk off whistling] Bart: What time?...