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• Mr. Simpson, the state bar forbids me from promising you a big cash settlement.
  But just between you and me, I promise you a big cash settlement....
• Hutz: Hutz is the name, Mr. Simpson. Lionel Hutz, attorney at law.
  Here's my card. It turns into a sponge when you put it in water....
• Lionel Hutz, attorney-at-law. What's that, a broken neck?
  Great! -- Chasing a gurney down the corridor, "Bart Gets Hit by a Ca...
• The Supreme Court called again. They need your help on some freedom thing.
  -- Della, Lionel Hutz' secretary, "Bart Gets Hit by a Ca...
• Gladys: "... and that has made all the difference." Now let's get down to business.
  [Hutz's voice on the tape] To my executor, Lionel Hutz, I leave $...
• Marge: So, Mr. Hutz, does my husband have a case? Hutz
  I'm sorry, Mrs. Simpson, but you can't copyright a drink....
• Bailiff: Do you promise to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
  Marge: Mmm... Yes, I do. Hutz: She sounded like she was taking that awful seriously....
• Yes, Harvard, Yale, MIT, Oxford, The Sorbonne, the Louvre [pron.
  Loove-rah]. -- Lionel Hutz, attorney at law, listing his degrees, "Bart Gets Hit by a Ca...
• With all due respect, Mrs. Simpson, you're not a doctor, the boy's not a doctor, the only person who even comes CLOSE is this man [Nick Riviera].
  -- Lionel Hutz responding to Marge's skepticism, "Bart Gets Hit by a Ca...