Related:

• Signs Your Wife Is Having An Affair With Santa Claus 10.
  She refers to your bed as "Santa's Workshop". 9....
• Signs It's The Holidays In New York City 10. People say, "Merry Christmas!
  Before giving you the finger. 9. Instead of yellow tape, cops close off murder scenes with festive holly....
• Least Popular Christmas Carols 10. Deck The Halls With Useless Junk / Martha Stewart Made While She Was Drunk!
  (Deck The Halls) 9. Rudolph The New York Mayor / Wore A Very Lovely Dress (Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer) 8....
• You're Not Going to Win a Gold Medal 10. You're the only speed skater sponsored by Prozac.
  9. You break both ankles while lacing up your skates....
• Highlights Of Clinton's Visit To New York 10. Declared Giuliani's combover a federal disaster area 9.
  Stood outside today show with sign reading, "Bubba loves Katie" 8....
• Top Ten Dave Letterman's Summer Plans 10. Stop drinking in the den, start drinking on the porch 9.
  Catch every Lollapalooza show on the Eastern seaboard 8....
• Elf Pet Peeves 10. After too much egg nog, Mrs. Claus is "all hands".
  9. Ever since they hit the big time, those dang Keebler Elves act like we don't exist....
• Signs You're at a Bad Office Christmas Party 10. Eggnog smells suspicously like Liquid Paper.
  9. Anyone caught under mistletoe gets choked by Latrell Sprewell * 8....
• Barbie Barbie c/o Mattel, Inc. El Segundo, CA 90245 November 7, 1997 Santa Claus North Pole, Dear Santa
  Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya, Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME!...