How to Annoy a Californian:
** Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
** Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.
** When giving directions, finish with "it's right down yonder on the left."
** Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand
what they're saying.
** When they talk nostalgically about the West, tell 'em "Delta's ready when
you are!"
** Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
** Refer to every soft drink as a Coke.
** Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a
ruckus.
** Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air.
** Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa
Marie -- John Michael -- Billy Bob. . .)
** Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady".
** Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's
"pee-can."
** Put Tabasco on everything.
** When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of
Moon Pies... banana ones.
** Name all of your children "Bubba".
** Use the word "reckon" in a sentence.
** "Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to school. "Fetch"
something.
** Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin to do" something.
** Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.
** Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations..
** Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down
Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I
think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there.
. ." " You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you
see a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on the
other side of town.."
