Related:

• I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't hypnotize you.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you wear a toupee, why not let your friends try it on for a while?
  Come on, we're not going to hurt it. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Too bad there's not such a thing as a GOLDEN skunk, because you'd probably be PROUD to be sprayed by one.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• When you first start wearing a turban, probably the most common mistake is wrapping it too tight.
  You have to allow the head to breathe. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off.
  You see, we BUILD to that. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...