Related:

• If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off.
  You see, we BUILD to that. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out.
  Wait. I guess that's like a regular window. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• As the light changed from red to greeen to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life.
  Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling?...
• Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way.
  Cars, too! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Instead of putting a quarter under a kid's pillow, how about a pinecone?
  That way, he learns that "wishing" isn't going to save out national forests....
• I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself.
  Mankind. Basically, it's made up of two separate words---"mank" and "ind"....
• Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays?
  Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway...