Related:

• Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy.
  I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me....
• I think there should be something in science called the "reindeer effect.
  I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect....
• If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't hypnotize you.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• When I heard that trees grow a new 'ring' for each year they live, I thought, we humans are kind of like tha
  we grow a new layer of skin each year, and after many years we are thick and unwieldy from all our skin layers....