Related:

• In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.
• I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't hypnotize you.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I think when you go on trial they should have a parrot there that says guilty or not guilty for you, as a sort of courtesy.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait.
  Not me, you. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If they have moving sidewalks in the future, when you get on them, I think you should have to assume sort of a walking shape so as not to frighten the dogs.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I think there probably should be a rule that if you're talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it's understood that you mean lengthwise loaves.
  Otherwise, it makes no sense. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...