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• I wish I lived back in the old west days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick.
  Then I'd go out West and start digging for gold....
• I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting.
  That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said Nick....
• I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire.
  No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to help illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out....
• Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out.
  Wait. I guess that's like a regular window. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If someone told me it wasn't "fashionable" to talk about freedom, I think I'd just have to look him square in the eye and say, "Okay, YOU TELL ME what's `fashionable'.
  But he won't. And you know why? Because you can't ask someone what's fashionable in a smart-alecky way like that....
• I hope that after I die, people will say of me: ``That guy sure owed me a lot of money.
  '' -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection.
  I guess that's what I hated about him. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If I come back as an animal in my next lifetime, I hope it's some type of parasite, because this is the part where I take it EASY!
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...