Related:

• FUCK You've just been waiting for this definition, haven't you.
  Here is how to use the word 'fuck' in almost any conversation....
• Do you think the service station could sell me Midnight Oil?
  Well no, but they did sell me ice Then to the Optometrist for R....
• HAGGIS A Scottish dish made of the heart, lungs, and liver of a sheep, chopped up with suet, onions, oatmeal etc, seasoned and boiled in a sheep's stomach-bag or substitute.
  I think I'm going to be sick. Have you ever considered the argument that vomit is a lifeform in itself, subject to the same foibles as the rest of lifekind?...
• HANDKERCHIEF A piece of cloth designed specifically to be filled with snot.
  Which must rather irritate it. I mean, I'm sure that you'd be pretty pissed off if you had only come into existence to be wiped on people's noses....
• UMBRELLA An object of amazing qualities. Umbrellas are even more adept at detaching themselves from their owners than stationery.
  They also send out subconscious thoughts to their owners....
• FACE The mass of skin, teeth and other parts that form the front section of the head.
  Faces can be arranged in any number of combinations, for differing reactions, such as horror, nausea, and laughter....
• When I found out I was pregnant, I was thrilled. It made me feel just like a high school girl again.
  Also, my condition really proved most eloquently the fact that I was loved--if only for a moment....
• Now this is made from a space-age fabric specially designed for Elvis.
  Sweat actually cleans this suit! -- Clerk at the Corpulent Cowboy, "(Lurleen on Me)...