My Dear Ghazanfar,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writing
this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the
newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20
miles.

I won't be able to send the address as the last people who stayed here
took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not
have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to
take our earlier address plate here, and our address will remain same
too.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The
First time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little
too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them
off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting
the grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Fati to our club's poolside. The manager is Ahmad. He
told her that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We
were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a
girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an aunt or uncle.

Your Uncle Ghasem fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him
out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned.

Your best friend, Mahmood, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his
father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea
after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a
grave for his father.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love,
Mom

P.S. Ghazanfar, I was going to send you some money but by the time I
realized, I had already sealed off this letter.

The purpose of the following survey was to find out
what issues/challenges Iranian immigrants had met
living outside Iran.
- 91% stated their biggest issue, is the difference
between running water & toilet paper.
- 87% percent of this group stated that it took them
more than two & half years to get used to paper.
- 74% of this group said that they still dream about
AAftAAbeh.
- Of this 74%, 61% sometimes during their stay, bought
either the authentic Aaftaabeh or the plastic garden
watering tool.
- Only 7.5% of this group were successfully able to
use the Aaftaabeh or the garden variety.
- Due to be sitting on the bowl, the other 92.5% had
difficulty pouring the water out near the correct
location.
- Many gave up after finding it too messy.
- The 7.5% successful people stated, squatting on the
bowl, as the reason for their success.
- 50% of these group had fallen off the bowl several
times, before mastering the art.
- 82% of the unlucky 92.5%, have been taking daily
showers to compensate.
- The other 18%, still taking weekly showers.
- 2% had once or twice brought in the garden hose to
the bathroom, but found it difficult to run outside to
shut the water down with their pants down.
- 1% declined comments.


International Aaftaabeh:

>Since the virtual "hood' is currently in the
>process of washing the old kaka, I found this one
rather appropriate:
>
> How to say AFTABEH in other languages
> You need to read it out loud and with the
> proper accent!
> italian__________________ coonino pakino
> french ___________________ coonasion shorasione
> Indian ___________________ coona-ha-he shora-ha-he
> English __________________ basan shorer
> Russian __________________ shooraeoff koonaeoff
> Arabic ___________________ al-coononoka shoratonan
> Turkish __________________ ela-coonte Ela-shoor
> Japanese _________________ shoorashi Koonahashi
> Spanish __________________ E-la-coonte la-shoorte
> Esfahani _________________ cooneso shooreso
> Shirazi _________________ coonakoo paked
> kordy ________________ konaka beshooraka
>

The purpose of the following survey was to find out
what issues/challenges Iranian immigrants had met
living outside Iran.
- 91% stated their biggest issue, is the difference
between running water & toilet paper.
- 87% percent of this group stated that it took them
more than two & half years to get used to paper.
- 74% of this group said that they still dream about
AAftAAbeh.
- Of this 74%, 61% sometimes during their stay, bought
either the authentic Aaftaabeh or the plastic garden
watering tool.
- Only 7.5% of this group were successfully able to
use the Aaftaabeh or the garden variety.
- Due to be sitting on the bowl, the other 92.5% had
difficulty pouring the water out near the correct
location.
- Many gave up after finding it too messy.
- The 7.5% successful people stated, squatting on the
bowl, as the reason for their success.
- 50% of these group had fallen off the bowl several
times, before mastering the art.
- 82% of the unlucky 92.5%, have been taking daily
showers to compensate.
- The other 18%, still taking weekly showers.
- 2% had once or twice brought in the garden hose to
the bathroom, but found it difficult to run outside to
shut the water down with their pants down.
- 1% declined comments.


International Aaftaabeh:

Since the virtual "hood' is currently in the
process of washing the old kaka, I found this one
rather appropriate:

How to say AFTABEH in other languages
You need to read it out loud and with the
proper accent!
italian__________________ coonino pakino
french ___________________ coonasion shorasione
Indian ___________________ coona-ha-he shora-ha-he
English __________________ basan shorer
Russian __________________ shooraeoff koonaeoff
Arabic ___________________ al-coononoka shoratonan
Turkish __________________ ela-coonte Ela-shoor
Japanese _________________ shoorashi Koonahashi
Spanish __________________ E-la-coonte la-shoorte
Esfahani _________________ cooneso shooreso
Shirazi _________________ coonakoo paked
kordy ________________ konaka

From "Jame-e-Now Magazine" - Ferdowsi University

1. Be salamati derakht!! na bekhatere mivash, be khatere sayash.
2. Be salamati kerme khaaki!! na be khatere kermesh, be khatere khaaki boodanesh.
3. Be salamati divar!! ke har mardo namardi behesh tekiye mikone.
4. Be salamati moorcheh!! Ke ta hala kasi ashkesho nadideh.
5. Be salamati khiyar!! na be khatere khesh balke be khatere yaresh.
6. Be salamati gav!! Chon nagoft man goft ma.
7. Be salamati shalgham!! na be khatere shalesh balke be khatere ghamesh.
8. Be salamati kalagh!! na be khatere siyahish be khatere ye rangish.

> CITIZENSHIP EXAM
> >
> > A Persian grandma just came from Iran and wanted to become a citizen

> > In the United States. So she took her grandson with her to take her
> > citizenship exam. The immigration officer told the Persian woman
> > that he had to ask her 4 simple questions about America and if she
> > answers them correctly, she would become a citizen. She Said, "Ok,
> > but I no speak English, I bringing my grandson".
> >
> > The man Said, "Ok, so he will translate". Now for your first
> > question...
> >
> > 1) What is the capital of America?
> >
> > The Iranian woman's grandson told her, "Man kojaa raftam college?"
> > "Vashangton!!", said the grandma. "That was correct, now for
> > question number 2...
> >
> > 2) When is Independence Day for America?
> > The Grandson Said, "Neyman Marcoos kay haraaj daare?"
> > "July Fourt!!", the grandma said.
> > "Correct, now for question number 3...
> >
> > 3) Who ran for President this year but lost?
> > The grandson told his grandmother, "Oon Martike ke baa dokhtare
> > shomaa
aroosi
> > kard, ke doosesh nadaarin, kojaa bere?"
> > She Said, "Too goooor!!!"
> > "Wow, wonderful job, now for your final question...
> >
> > 4) Who is the President of the United States now?
> > The grandson so translated, "Har vaght pesaret gooz Mide, as chish
> > narahat mishi?" "Boooosh!!", grandma answered.
> >
> > She is a US citizen now....

Which one is true?

"Rafti o faramush shod an ahd o ghasam
az del beravad har ankeh az dideh beraft"

or

"An mah keh suratash zeh moghabel nemiravad
az dideh garcheh miravad, az del nemiravad"

eshgh faghat eshghe laty...
aragh sagi o abejo ghati.......
pari o zari o shamsi o fati...........
habse abad bi molaghati......
fekr nakoni gonde laty ......
ma faghat khaterkhatim

7 Seen

The symbolic dishes consist of:

1. Sabzeh or sprouts, usually wheat or lentil representing rebirth.
2. Samanu is a pudding in which common wheat sprouts are transformed and given new life as a sweet, creamy pudding and represents the ultimate sophistication of Persian cooking.
3. Seeb means apple and represents health and beauty.
4. Senjed the sweet, dry fruit of the Lotus tree, represents love. It has been said that when lotus tree is in full bloom, its fragrance and its fruit make people fall in love and become oblivious to all else.
5. Seer which is garlic in Persian, represents medicine.
6. Somaq sumac berries, represent the color of sunrise; with the appearance of the sun Good conquers Evil.
7. Serkeh or vinegar, represents age and patience.

One day a Florist goes to the Barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he grabs
for his wallet and the Barber says "I am sorry, I
cannot accept money from you;
I am doing Community Service." The Florist is happy
and leaves the shop. The
next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop,there is a Thank you card and
a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Cop goes for a haircut and as he reaches for his
wallet to pay the Barber, the
Barber replies "I am sorry, I cannot accept money
from you; I am doing
Community Service." The Cop is happy and
leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes
to open his shop, there
is a Thank You card and a dozen donuts waiting at his
door.
An Iranian goes for a haircut and as he grabs for his
wallet, the Barber says "I
am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing
Community Service.
The Iranian is, of course, very happy and leaves the
shop. The next morning
when the Barber goes to open his shop...
Guess what he finds there????
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
A dozen Iranians waiting for a free haircut!

PERSIAN WOMAN:

A "Husband Shopping Center" was opened in LA where a Persian woman could go
to choose from among many men, to be her husband. It was laid out in five
floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up
the floors. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you
must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't
go back down except to leave the place.

So, a couple of Persian girls go to the place to find men.

First floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love
kids." The women read the sign and say: "Well that's better than not having
jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they go.

Second floor says: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are
extremely good looking." "Hmmm," say the girls, "But, I wonder what's
further up?"
Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking,
love kids and help with the housework." "Wow!" say the women. "Very
tempting, BUT, there's more further up!" And so again, they go up.

Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely
good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me. But just think!?!?! What must be awaiting us further on!"

So up to the fifth floor they go. The sign on that door said: "This floor is
just to prove that Persian women are impossible to please. Thank you for
shopping and have a nice day!!"

FOR THOSE WHO ARE PROUD TO BE A PERSIAN.
LONG LIVE IRAN !

o, I am not a terrorist nor a wife beater, I don't live in a tent in a
desert and camels are not our way of transportation.

I speak Farsi, not Arabic

Iran is pronounced "EERAUN" and not "I - ran" (it's not track & field)

News flash: Iran and Iraq are two different countries; Middle East is a
region and NOT a continent.

Belly dancers are NOT strippers (no sex in the Champaign room);
anyways, belly dancing is an Arabic dance, it never came from Iran .

Each time you play a game of chess to improve your intellect, keep in
mind that it was Persians who gave you your game.

Iranian women are just as outspoken (if not more) and liberal as the
European women.

And what the hell is "soccer"?? We also call it Football like every
one in the world (except American).

Iran is the first country on earth to have a lion (male) and a sun
(female) for its symbol; and the colors red, white, and green for a flag.

A beautiful country ran by the wrong people, but still the best part
of Middle East

Allow me to introduce myself:

I'M A PERSIAN. MY LAND IS IRAN !

Iranian sits next to American.

American asks: What kind of "ian" are you?

- What?



- I said What kind of "ian" are you?

- I don't understand your question.

- Stupid! Are you Cambodian, Indian or Iranian?

- Oh! I am Iranian.

2 hours passed without a word.

Iranian asks: What kind of "key" are you?

- What?

- Are you a monkey, donkey, or Yankee?

A Tehran University, an Isfahan University and a
Sharif student were in an airplane that crashed.
They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great
white throne.

God addresses the Tehran student first: "What do you
believe in?"

The Tehran Student replies, "Well, I believe in power
to the people. I think people should be able to make
their own choices about things and that no one should
ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also
believe in feeling people's pain."

God thinks For a second and says "Okay, I can live
with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses the Isfahan student: "What do you
believe in?"

The Isfahan student replies, "Well, I believe that the
combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the
world from CFCs and that If any more freon is used,
the whole earth will become a greenhouse And we'll all
die....Waaahhh."

God thinks for a second and says: "Okay, that sounds
good. Come and sit at my right."

God then addresses the Sharif student. "What do you
believe in?"

"I believe you're sitting in my chair."

Three American and three Iranian engineers are traveling by train to
a conference. At the station, the three American each buy tickets
and watch as the three Iranians buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?", asked
one of the three American.
"Watch and you will see", answers one of the Iranaians .
They all board the train. The Americans take their respective
seats, but all three Iranians cram into the toilet and close the door
behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around
collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says,
"Ticket,please". The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a
ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The American saw
this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the American decide to copy the Iranians
on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the
station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their
astonishment, the Iranians don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?", asks one
perplexed American.
"Watch and you will see", says one of the Iranians .
When they board the train the three Americans cram into a toilet
and the three Iranians cram into another one nearby. The train
departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the Iranians leaves his toilet and walks
over to the toilet where the Ameican are hiding. He knocks on the
door and says,"Ticket, please."

Dear Irish fans:

In order to make your trip to Iran more enjoyable we
suggest that you follow the following guidelines.

1) Be extremely friendly to the ladies, two kisses on
each side is recommended.

2) Wear T-shirt with sadam's picture on it, they
would love you for that.

3) If you need a beer go to a mosque and ask the
bartender, it is
usually the guy with towel rapped around his head.

4) Drive your self after you get drunk, Cheers.

5) You don't need a visa to go to Iran. Just show up
at the airport
with an Israeli passport and a recommendation letter
from CIA!

6) You will have the distinct pleasure of visiting
Iran during the
month of Ramadan. Ramadan is basically like a
combination of Oktoberfest,
Mardi Gras and St Patrick's day.

7) Great way to meet people, specially the people in
charge of greeting
foreigners (who we call Basij) is to offer them tokens
of food during
lunchtime, preferably ham sandwich with bacon on top.

8) For picking up ladies go to Namaz Jomeh (basically
the same
atmosphere as a wet T-shirt contest).

9) If you have some extra time, you should visit the
city of Qazvin,
known for their hospitality.

10) Qazvinis love to joke around, a good way to get
them going is to
moon them, that will be a sure way to break the ice.

Isn't it Iranic?

A Persian version of Alanis Morisette's "Isn't it Ironic"
Vocals to be accompanied by santour and domback
May be accompanied by 1-2 flabby belly dancers; and/or
1 barefoot Iranian male dancer waving a handkerchief.

Isn't it Iranic--don't you think?

It's like rain--on your convertible Benz.
It's like Farhad does your hair, but you still have split ends.
It's like a black fly in the doogh you just drank.
It's one more taroff when you've already thanked.

It's like counting pennies when you own an estate.
It's when your blind date is 4 hours late.
It's like chewing kabob that you notice is pink.
It's when another bald dentist sends you a wink.

Isn't it Iranic--don't you think?
It's like so Iranic...yeah I really do think.

It's like waiting for hours in the buffet line.
It's a shab-eh-Shabbat, and you forgot to buy wine.
It's like meeting your spouse on your wedding date.
It's like a catered meelah-konoon and you can't find a plate.

It's like Elat Market running out of Lavash.
It's like 90 degrees out, but your grandma still cooks awsh.
It's when you want to swim, but you've straightened your curls.
It's like your husband sulking that you've only had girls.

It's an aroosee without Martik to sing.
It's a namzadee without a huge emerald ring.
It's like paying retail and not a cheap wholesale price.
It's like eating khoresht without any rice.

It's a balding husband with hair on his back
It's denying that your blonde hair is really black.
It's a great nose job, except you can't breathe.

Isn't it Iranic--don't you think?

Mr. Anvari,

Assalamualeikum,

I am a Turkish journalist from Istanbul.

The famous "jinn picture" in your web page is a great hoax from Britain. Never use it as an official proof for Islam in your relations with Christians please. Because this kind of thinks harm to Islamic belief.

Here's my final news report on this case.

This is a simple sculpture made by hard-plastic in Cheddar Shovcave in Middle-England. Cheddar Chovcave is a kind of horror gallery built in early 1990's and there are dozens of horrible sculptures inside. This world-wide hoax created by a young British bussinessman in 1996. He took the jinn sculpture's picture and gave to some Arabic teens in a Suudi Arabian visit. And the legend was born in Saudi Arabia.

In my opinion, we, the Muslims must be very open-minded and sceptic in this kind of new documents before publishing.

Greetings from Istanbul. And I am praying for your quake victims. May Allah protect all of you.

http://www.yenisafak.com.tr/cin.html

Best wishes,

AL. MURAT GUVEN

Turkish journalist and filmmaker

An unemployed Iranian living in London was looking
through the job section of the newspaper, and saw that
there was a vacancy in the London Zoo. He decides to
give it a try. The next day he takes the tube (subway)
to the Zoo, and presents himself to the Zoo keeper for
an interview.

The Zoo keeper informs of the vacancy - You see we had
a Gorilla here, who was very popular with the crowds.
Sadly the Gorilla died last week. The crowds have gone
away. We made a costume out of the Gorilla's skin. We
want some one to wear the costume, and pretend to be a
Gorilla. Hopefully that way we can get the crowd back.
Can you do the job?

The Iranian thinks for a while and, says to himself
what the hell. So he accepts.

Next day he dutifully turns up for work. He wears the
Gorilla skin, and gets into a cage. He starts to
behave like a Gorilla, and boy is he good. He excells
in the job. The crowds return to see the Gorilla in
their hordes. The man is a genious. He swings from the
ropes. He bangs his chest, just like a Gorilla. The
crowds love him. Every day he improves his acts.

One day he swings so hard, that he is thrown out of
his own cage into the adjacent one. He looks up and
finds a Lion in the cage. He is actually in the Lion's
cage. He cries out ' Ya hazrat eh Abbas'. To which
lion says, ' Agha Shoma ham Irani hasteed?'

How do we say.....khatneh ....in other Languages:


Italian __________________ Doolino Borino

French ___________________ Doolaasion Kootasion

Indian ___________________ Doolaaheh Kootaaheh

English __________________ Doolation Kootation

Russian __________________ Doolaatoff Kootaaloff

Arabic ___________________ Al-Dooleh Al-Satoor

Turkish __________________ Eladool Elaboor

Vietnamese _______________ Epsilosion no Kootaasion

Japanese _________________ Doolemishi Kootaaabishsi

Spanish __________________ Eldoolo Kootaalo

Esfahani _________________ Doolestoon Kootestoon

گضنفر جان سلام! ما اينجا حالمام خوب است. اميدوارم تو هم آنجا حالت خوب باشد. اين نامه را من ميگويم و جعفر خان کفاش برايد مينويسد. بهش گفتم که اين گضنفر ما تا کلاس سوم بيشتر نرفته و نميتواند تند تند بخواند،‌ آروم آروم بنويس که پسرم نامه را راحت بخواند و عقب نماند.

 

 وقتي تو رفتي ما هم از آن خانه اسباب کشي کرديم. پدرت توي صفحه حوادت خوانده بود که بيشتر اتفاقا توي 10 کيلومتري خانه ما اتفاق ميافته. ما هم 10 کيلومتر اينورتر اسباب کشي کرديم. اينجوري ديگر لازم نيست که پدرت هر روز بيخودي پول روزنامه بدهد. آدرس جديد هم نداريم. خواستي نامه بفرستي به همان آدرس قبلي بفرست. پدرت شماره پلاک خانه قبلي را آورده و اينجا نصب کرده که دوستان و فاميل اگه خواستن بيان اينجا به همون آدرس قبلي بيان.



آب و هواي اينجا خيلي خوب نيست. همين هفته پيش دو بار بارون اومد. اوليش 4 روز طول کشيد ،‌دوميش 3 روز . ولي اين هفته دوميش بيشتر از اوليش طول کشيد

گضنفر جان،‌آن کت شلوار نارنجيه که خواسته بودي را مجبور شدم جدا جدا برايت پست کنم. آن دکمه فلزي ها پاکت را سنگين ميکرد. ولي نگران نباش دکمه ها را جدا کردم وجداگانه توي کارتن مقوايي برايت فرستادم.

پدرت هم که کارش را عوض کرده. ميگه هر روز 800،‌ 900 نفر آدم زير دستش هستن. از کارش راضيه الحمدالله. هر روز صبح ميره سر کار تو بهشت زهرا،‌ چمنهاي اونجا رو کوتاه ميکنه و شب مياد خونه.

ببخشيد معطل شدي. جعفر جان کفاش رفته بود دستشويي حالا برگشت.

ديروز خواهرت فاطي را بردم کلاس شنا. گفتن که فقط اجازه دارن مايو يه تيکه بپوشن. اين دختره هم که فقط يه مايو بيشتر نداره،‌اون هم دوتيکه است. بهش گفتم ننه من که عقلم به جايي قد نميده. خودت تصميم بگير که کدوم تيکه رو نپوشي.

اون يکي خواهرت هم امروز صبح فارغ شد. هنوز نميدونم بچه اش دختره يا پسره . فهميدم بهت خبر ميدم که بدوني بالاخره به سلامتي عمو شدي يا دايي.

راستي حسن آقا هم مرد! مرحوم پدرش وصيت کرده بود که بدنش را به آب دريا بندازن. حسن آقا هم طفلکي وقتي داشت زير دريا براي مرحوم پدرش قبرميکند نفس کم آورد و مرد!‌شرمنده.

همين ديگه .. خبر جديدي نيست.
قربانت .. مادرت.

راستي:‌گضنفر جان خواستم برات يه خرده پول پست کنم، ‌ولي وقتي يادم افتاد که ديگه خيلي دير شده بود و اين نامه را برايت پست کرده بودم.

This letter was written by an employee of the NIOC (National Iranian
Oil Company) back in the 1960`s to his American boss Mr.Hamilton.

Dear Mr.Hamilton
I, the undersigned, have worked in the NIOC in Masjed-Solyeman for
three years, But since Mr.Ahmadi transferred here everything has
changed.

I don't know "what a wet wood I have sold him" that from the very
first day he has been "pulling the belt to my lift" With all kinds
of "cat dancing" he has tried to become the "eye and the light" of
Mr.Wilson. He made so much "mouse running" that finally
Mr.Wilson "became donkey", and appointed Mr.Ahmadi as his right hand
man, and told me to work "under his hand"

Mr.Wilson promised me that next year he would make me his right hand
man, but "my eye didn't not drink water", and I knew that all these
were "hat play", and he was trying to put a "hat on my head" I "put
the seal of silence to my lips" and did not say anything. Since that
he was just "putting watermelon under my arms" Knowing that this
transfer was only "good for his aunt", I started begging him to
forget that I ever came to see him and forget my visit altogether. I
said "you saw camel, you did not see camel"....but he was
not "getting of the devils donkey"..."what headache shall I give you"

I am now forced to work in the mail house with bunch of "blind, bald,

height and half height" people. "Imagine how much my ass burns"

Now Mr.Hamilton, "I turn around your head" you are my only hope and
my "back and shelter"...."I swear you to the 14 innocents" please "do
some work for me"...."in the resurrection day I`ll grasp your
skirt"...."I have six head bread eaters".....I kiss our hand and
legs"

Your servant

A Day In A Life of a Rich Tehrooni!!

*You live in the rich suburbs of Tajrish, Niavaran, Shemiran, Velenjak, and
if you're a new rich kid you live in Sa'dat Abad, Shahrakeh gharb, Janat
Abad.

*You've probably got an Iranian name of Khashayaar, Kurush, Piruz, Bahram,
Siavash, rather than Ali, Akbar, Reza, Mohammad, or Sara, Sahar, Sepideh,
Roxana, Marjan, rather than Zahra, Fatimeh, Zoleykha, Zeynab.

*You own more than one car, NEVER a Paykan, more likely a Peugeot 1992 405
GLX, 206, or a Daewoo Espero or a Mitsubishi Galant, top points for BMW and
Benz. (LOL!!!!!)

*You've been to sooooooooooooo many parties you've lost count.

*You've been trashed on hashish and Black Death Vodka you find in those
black cans they smuggle from Iraq and Turkey to Kurdistan.

*You have car races in Shahrakeh Gharb's Iran Zamin.

*You party even harder when Nowrooz and Muharam clash days.

*You have all of Shah and Farah's photos including videos of their
coronation, weddings, parties.

*You're parents claim they were friends of Googoosh and Ebi.

*You're into Techno and Heavy Metal and you LOVE Modern Talking "You'rrrrre
my heeeart, you'rree my soul, you are every vvvvvver ver I gooooooo"

*You take part in elections and choose Khatami, not because you like
Khatami, because you're not choosing the rest!

*You drive down Vali Asr trying to pick up runaway girls.

*You pretend that you don't know your friends have sisters.

*You hold your family weddings in private gardens up North.

*You're currently applying for a Visa to go to the States via the Swiss
Embassy which deals with American affairs.

*You swear at Basijis when you're driving down Iran Zamin.

*You know every Internet Cafe in Tehran.

*You've seen the three and only Iranian porn films of "Shab Haayeh Los
Angeles" "Zahedan 11" and the third one filmed in Hamadan.

*You're taking part in the new phase of walking with shoes in your house.

*You smoke Marlboro reds.

*You wear CK, Levis, Gucci, CK all sent from "Daei Joon" from Canada.

*You have a sample of Bijan in your Cologne collection.

*You claim you've slept with 37 girls.

*You go to Daaneshgah Aazaad.

*You think German-Iranians are similar to English speaking Iranians, THEY
ARE NOT!

*You don't understand why Iranians in England, America and Canada don't like
Modern Talking.

*You claim to know the true story of why the head of Nirvana popped himself.

*You think there are Heavy Metal Goths in the States who whorship Satan 100
X more than the actual figure.

*You think getting laid in the West is easy.

*You think everyone here has the best lifestyle.

*You think most Western-Iranians have forgotten to speak Persian.

*You can dance to Michael Jackson and still think he has retained his fame.

*Your cousin who returned from the States has a hard time telling you that
its "Water" not "Vaaaaterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

Here is a typical scene in an Iranian airport:

*You always complain about Iran Air yet you keep travelling on it because
you get a free "daakhelee" ticket to Kish.

*You always promise yourself that you'll fly with British Airways, Air
France, Luthansa next year.

*You always get the same food in Iran Air of either "Cheeeeeken or ESteak"

*The difference between Economy Class and Homa class is that there is a bit
more leg room, and the "mehmaandars" lower their roosaries when they come
and serve you.

*You notice how the Iraqi and Pakistani aakhoond get the best treatment.

*You have an Iranian-Canadian, an Iranian-American and a Iranian-German
sitting around you and the Iranian-English keeps telling them how lucky they
are being in those countries.

*You seem to see that same old man who still wears his Immortal Guard Shahee
uniform whenever you travel to Iran.

*You always have that kid behind you who keeps either
screaming/shouting/whining/pushing and pulling your chair/pulling your
hair/spilling water while you put on the best fake smile you can telling
his/her mother "Eybee nadareh"

*You have your eye on that hot babe/guy sitting on the other side.

*You hate those shitty Iranian films they put on. Most of them are about the
Qajar era of Iran.

*You close your eyes when they announce the safety instructions in that
Persian-American accent.

*Those cheap headphones they give to you to listen to the films always
break.

*They never seem to give enough coke, sorry Zam-Zam.

*You have that 87 year old granny stealing the luggage compartment on top of
your seat.

*You bring too much luggage.

*You argue about the "jareemeh" for the luggage.

*The passport control women who is a khaharaneh Zaynab infuriates you when
she looks at you, then your photo, looks at you then your photo, looks at
you, then your photo, looks at you then your photo, looks at you then your
photo,YES THATS F.... ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and then asks for your name,

*You wait 3 hours in the ques for passport checks and luggage control.

*You always seem to find that there are 7 luggages which are identical to
yours.

*The hamal asks if you need any help, and then when you find out he's not
complimentary you slip him 500 tomans, he then looks at you, then the money
ands then says "dollar", you say "Chee?" he says "dollar daaree", you say
"che ghadr?" he says "50!!!!!!!", you say "Gooreh Pedarit!" and take your
luggage off him.

*FINALLY, FINALLY, you pass the luggage checks, you are then faced with
37,897 Iranians in Mehrabad, with their faces pressed against the glass
screen waving at you. You wave at one of them, all of them wave at you. You
get to the other side with about every daei, khaaleh, amoo, ameh, pesar
khaaleh, dokhtar amoo kissing and hugging you, while they take your luggage
from your exhausted arms.

*You are in Iran.

Ba hamyeh badihash o khobihash, IRAN is the best!!!!!!!!!

men at 18 are bozghale at 28 are nokhale at 38 are
chaghale at 48 are amale at 58 are tapale at 68 are
mochale at 78 are zobale.

woman at 18 is hooloo.........at 28 is laboo.at 38 is
shaftaloo...........at 48 is khormaloo.........at 58
is looloo....... !!!

A young Persian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that
he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Mom, I'm Going to bring
over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother
agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them
down on the couch and they chat for a while.

He then says, "Okay, Mom, guess which one I'm going to marry." She
immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing, Mom.

You're right. How did you know?"

The Persian mother replies "Because I don't like her."

A friend who just had come from Iran with almost no English luckily due to his good looks found a little hotty American girlfriend. Once she was at his house and he had cooked "Aash" (soup)for her.
She really liked the "Aash" and asked for the ingredients. Here is his description of ingredients as he directly translated Persian stuff into English....

My dear, herrrre arrrrrre vhat my moder puttt in this Persian soup: yellow wood (zar chube), Indian stamp ( tamr ehendi), wet blood (tarkhun), wet-e (tarre), my loving wind (ba'demjun), flower of a cow's tongue(gol ga'v zabun).

Later their relationship was going down the tube.

He said to her,
"Look, I very very love you, let me eat your liver, but over that donkey(ba'la'khare) my eyes don't drink any water.Light my homework (taklif e man ra' rowshan kon!)."

This page has been moved to:
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My name is Fereshteh Davaran and I am writing my Ph.D. dissertation in the NES department at U. C. Berkeley and teaching Persian in Diablo Valley College. I wanted to ask you, as Iranians, not to use "Farsi" when you refer to Persian language in an English text.

Persian is the only language that is currently called by three different names (Farsi, Tajik and Dari) in English. You do not see anybody calling German, Almani or Deusche in English. You do not hear anybody call English, Irish or Australian or for that matter American.
Categorizing languages has a scientific method. According to Linguistics, the Persian language belongs to the Iranian branch of Indo-Iranian languages. The Iranian branch is composed of many languages such as Persian, Sughdi, Kurdish, Parthian, etc. The Persian branch has different dialects such as Tajik, Dari, Farsi, Isfahani, etc.

To call Persian, Farsi is just as bad as calling Persian Gulf, Arabian Gulf or even the Gulf. In the absence of an interested government, we Iranians have to defend our heritage more vigorously.
"Persia" is what Greek historians called Parsis at the time of the Achaemenids, and like all historic proper names its antiquity is its best defense. Over the centuries "Persian" was used to refer to the whole country of Iran and therefore could be used interchangeably with Iranian.

Fars and Farsi is the Arabic form of Parsis and Persia. Since Arabs did not have p sound, they turned Pars to Fars. Calling the Persian language by the three names of Farsi, Dari and Tajik is quite a recent phenomenon. As I said, linguists have agreed to call the language of Darius and Cyrus Old Persian, the language of Sasanids, Middle Persian and our language "Persian," which makes it the grand child of Old Persian and the Child of Middle Persian (Pahlavi).
All three stages of Persian language (old, middle and present) belong to Iranian branch of Indo-Iranian languages. Dari, Tajik, Farsi, Isfahani and Khurasani are different dialects of the Persian language, unlike Kurdish and Sughdian which are different languages in the Iranian branch of Indo-Iranian languages. Would it make sense to call Arabic, Iraqi or Egyptian, although they are three different dialects and have many differences? Would the Arabs allow it?

"beghoo aree ya naaa, beghoo aree ya naaa, rahat beshe dele man...
manam asheqhe to, manam asheqhe to, rahmi bekon behalam."

khoshgele, kardane to moshgele?

KHANOOM
PANJAH ( 50 ) bedam , ANJAM BEDAM?
HEZAR ( 1000 ) bedam , FESHAR BEDAM?


- DC Persian

A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian rugs. She looks
around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends
to feel the texture of the rug she accidentally breaks wind. Very
embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her
little accident.

She turns and sees that standing next to her is a salesman.
"Good day M'am. How may I help you today?"

Very uncomfortable she asks, "Sir how much does this rug cost?" He answers,
"Lady, you farted just touching it. You're gonna shit when you hear the
price."

Persian Dictionary: I put you in the seed of my eyes.
(ruyeh toxmeh cewmam miza'ram)

Don't hit yourself into left Ali ally.
(xodet roh beh koceh alicap nazan)

My 0.02 cent just fell.
(dozarim ta'zeh ofta'd)

Non-kosher born.
(Hara'mza'deh)

To my death?
(margeh man)

Daddy burned!
(Pedar-suxteh!)

My father came out, and I will take out your father!
(Pedareh man dar a'mad, va pedareh to ra' ham dar mia'ram!)

His head is playing with his butt!
(Sarew ba' kunew ba'zi meekoneh!)

Take away the person that washes your dead body!
(Moordeh woor-et-ro bebaran!)

Pull your carpet out of the water
(Gleemet ro as a'b dar bea'r!)

Punch you so hard that electricity will come out of your eyes!
(Enqadr seft bezanamet keh barq as cewmet bepareh!)

My veins and roots came out!
(Rag va reewam dar a'mad!)

His/Her donkey passed over the bridge!
(xaresh as pol gozawteh!)

Ghosts of your stomach!
(Arva'h-e-wekamet!)

What kind of dirt should I put on my head?!
(Ceh xa'ky bar saram berizam?!)

Dear Slow stew!
(xoorewt-eh-fessenjoon!)

Poison of snake!
(Zahr-e-ma'r!)

Dirt on your head!
(xa'k bar saret!)

Pain without a cure!
(Dard-e-beedarmoon!)

The neighbor's chicken is a goose!
(Morq-e-hamsa'yeh qa'zeh!)

I have made him into a lion!
(weer-ew kardam!)

Marriage is a closed watermellon!
(Ezdeva'j hendooneh-e nabooreedeh hast!)

Happiness has been hitting you under your stomach!
(xoowha'ly zeer-e-wekamet zadeh!)

You can't ride a camel hunched-back!
(wotoor sava'ry doola'h doola'h nemeeweh!)

You can't ride a camel underground!
(wotoor sava'ry zeer-e-zamin nemeeweh!)

Dropping worms!
(Kerm reextan!)

Fireworks of Asghar!
(Asqar Taraqeh!)

1) I die for your height and top (Ghorboneh'ghado balat)
2) Ate my head (SaramO khord)
3) He has grown a tail (Dome dar avordeh)
4) On my eyes (Rooyeh cheshmam)
5) Light up my homework (Taklif-amo roshankon)
6) On the seed of my eyes. (royeh tokhmeh'cheshmam)
7) Don't hit yourself into left Ali Ave. (khodet roh beh kocheh alichap nazan)
8) To my death?(margeh' man)
9) I ate the ground and my father came out!(Khordam zamin Pedaram daar Oomad)
10) Take away the person that washes your dead body! (Moordeh Shoor-et-ro bebaran!)
11) Pull your carpet out of the water! (Geleemet ro as Ab bekesh!)
12) I'll hit you so hard that electricity will pop out of your eyes!
(Enghadr seft bezanamet keh bargh az cheshmAt bepareh!)
13) His/Her donkey passed over the bridge! (Kharesh as poel gozashteh!)
14) What kind of dirt should I put on my head?! (Cheh khaaky bar saram
bereezam?!)
15) Dear Slow stew! (Khooresht-eh-fessenjoon!)
16) The neighbor's chicken is a goose! (Morgh'e-hamsaayeh Ghaazeh!)
17) Marriage is an uncut watermelon! (Ezdevaj hendooneh'e nabooreedehast)
18) Happiness has been hitting you under the belly! (Khooshie zadeh zire delet)
19) Don't drop worms! (Kerm nareez!)

A friend of mine had just arrived from Iran and spoke
>almost no English but thanks to his good looks soon found
>himself a nice little blond girlfriend.
>
>Once after dinner, she asked for the recipe of the "Ashe"
>cooked by his mother. His literal translation of the
>ingredients from Farsi into English follows:
>
>"My dear, hearrrre arrrrrre vhat my moder puttt in this
>Iranian soup:
>
>- Yellow wood (zar chube)
>- Indian stamp ( tamr e hendi)
>- Wet blood (tar khun)
>- Wet-e (tarre)
>- My loving wind (ba'dem jun)
>- Flower of a cow's tongue (gol ga'v zabun)
>
>Sometime later when their relationship was going down the
>drain, he said to her "Look, I very very love you. I'd like
>to go at your liver (jeegareto beram). But over that
>donkey (ba'la' khare), please light my homework (taklif e
>man ra' rowshan kon!)".

Farhangestan e Rasht say bar hafze estelahate asil.

> Changal............Ghashog Tabestooni.
> Kafsh................Nafar Bar.
> Keeshti.............Tash_khis.
> Ayene...............Man Darash Peyda.
> Shishe..............Onvaresh Peyda.
> TakhteKhab......MaZanDarAn (Ma o Zan Dar AN).
> Cheragh Khab...Shahede Majera.
> Pak kon.............Malesh Bar Danesh.
> Violin.................Mire o MIYE..Khoshom MIYE.
> Toalet................Zoor Khone.
> Chahe Toalet.....Angoor.
> Aftabe................manShoor.
> Magas.................Parveez.
> Hamam..............Pakestan.
> Bademjoon.........Khiare Azadar.
> Dogme...............Bastani
> Dampai..............Manbar
> Tank..................Heydar
> Goje................cheragh khatare dizi
> Masjid...............Afghanistan
> Changal.............yeki bood Yeki nabood
> Cimekhardar.....Divare Tabestsni
> Darbazkon.........Taghva
> Ghazviniha........ Peykan-e Javaanan
> Bache Gorbe......NimCat
> Paaye Gorbe...... PaaCat
> Mosalsal (Not Tank) ...... Heydar
> Ghaayegh...........KafTar
> Aftaabe..............AnBor, Manshoor, ...
> Tualet Farangi.......AnJaam
> Maashin.. ..............Maraakesh
> Damagh......... Nafas-kesh
> Goshtkob... Lahestan
> Dampaii .... NafarBar
> Magas................Parveez
> Magas Kosh.........Parveez Sayaad
> Magase Semej.......Parveez Kaardaan
> Magas sabza .......Seid Parviz
> Zanboor ...........Parviz ghannad
> KharMagas..........Parviz torke


Ghaayegh...........KafTar
Aftaabe..............AnBor
Seefune Tualet...... AnBar
Tualet Farangi.......AnJaam
Maashin.. ..............Maraakesh
Dooshe Hamoom..Ab chakhkon
Damagh......... Nafas-kesh
Goshtkob... Lahestan

Added by Babak Rigi:

Salam...safheye kheili bahali dari.

Additional Persian-Rashti translation:

Ghashoghe chai khori.......Bache gherti.

Bacheye avval..............Doostan lotf kardan.
Bacheye dovom..............Doostan mara sharmandeh kardan.
Bacheye sevom..............Doostan dige gandesho daravordan.


Ghorbane shoma...Babak

>>>This Rashtee guy goes to the "Who wants to be a millionaire?" game
show.
>>>The host asks the first question:
>>>"When you are having sex with your wife, how long does it take her
to be
sexually satisfied; 5, 15, 30, or 45 minutes?"
>>>He thinks for a while then tells the host:
>>>"I would like to ask the audience."

Top 10 reasons the New York terrorists were not Iranian:

10. 8:45 is too early for most Iranians
9. Iranians are always late, they would've missed all 4 flights
8. Hot girls on the planes would distracted them
7. Once in the air, they would change their mind (Pashimoon mishodan)
6. Free alcohol on the plane, get it?
5. The suspected car found outside of Boston Airport would be a BMW not a Ford.
4. They would start taroofing with each other ( Shoma beshinid, na, shoma befarmaeed poshte havapeyma)
3. talking behind each other's back would start a big fight on the plane.
2. 18 Iranian men can never organize such smooth attack
1. They would've been too busy fixing their hair in case they are captured on TV.

Booye Jooye Moulian Ayad Hami
Yade Yar Mehraban Ayad Hami

We all came from Iran, to land of Uncle Sam.
We went from eating NIMROO, to eating eggs and ham.

Oh my, how times have changed from when we were just boys.
When life was safe and simple, no Barney among our toys.

KALEH PACHEH for breakfast, was not a weird thing.
We idolized Da'rush, and listened to Googoosh sing.

We all watched Samad's finger, go into someone's eyes.
We laughed at that so hard, no Lows and all was Highs.

We went to the Noonvaie, picking up Sangak.
Now it's going to Megamarket, and picking from the rack.

We all did open our fists, and played lili lili hozak.
Now our kids play Nintendo, with a little boy named Jack.

Grandma's house was so cute, and doors were open wide.
We crawled into her baghcheh, and found a place to hide.

How she told us stories of Rostam and Zaha'k.
Now we tell our kids stories, about Bugs and Daffy duck.

Sport we loved was soccer, playing the round ball.
Not this funny looking oblong, thing they call football.

We used to enjoy Fardin, and Beyk Imanverdi.
Now it's going to Cineplex, watching Bone Collector, Hasti?

We jumped into a taxi, to go from A to B.
The greatest ride in whole world, was drive to Caspian Sea

We drive on super highways, and watch for a radar gun.
We forget we all used to be driving a PEYKA'AN.

Our vacations are spent, somewhere on a beach.
Far from Rasht and Ra'msar, where we smell but can't reach.

Koloocheh eating in shoma'l, we all can still taste.
How we hold onto memories, not let them go to waste.

How we used to be comfy, in that entourage.
Now we fake our way through life, and try to camolflaughe.

We left that country behind, and came to a new world.
When our King went down, tripping on his sword.

We watched Saddam attack our country in a pop.
We hated them Iraqis, without bleeding a single drop.

We don't know how to let go, or hang on to our past.
We know something for sure though, nothing will ever last.

These people amongst we live, who show that they are kind.
What do they really think of us, in back of their mind?

No one but us knows SOMAGH, and how good is TAHHDIG.
They see us eating burned rice, and think we've flipped our wig.

We chop up cucumbers, and put it in our MAST.
They look at us eating that, and think that we are lost.

These patriotic songs that, they always sing 'em.
Does anybody wonder, what's our national anthem?

Do we belong to here, or do we belong there?
Does anybody knows us, does anybody care?

They ask us about fanatics, they ask us how we feel.
We give 'em our stock answer, they sure can't help us heal.

We all are so much at odds, with where we're living now.
We all can be writing books, on adopting and how.

The Iranian gene that, we carry in our mind.
Has made us all to look for, our very own kind.

So much of what that makes us, it's made from the same mold.
The Iranian in us, that we treasure like gold.

I say "alef, beh, peh, teh, seh..." and you know what I mean.
I ask for seven 'S'es, and you know I mean haft sin.

I say something is not SHOL, and you know it is SEFT.
You tell them something like that, & they look at you left left.

There must be hundred thousand, species on this Rock.
We must be 100th and one, that do on this Earth walk.

Solution to our problems, is one we can not solve.
In this melting pot someday, may all of us dissolve.

So hold on to the 'SHa'hna'meh'and hang on to 'KHaya'm',
And do not let those memories, get buried under time.

We are all from one country, with borders like a cat.
Now that all of us are out, let's not just forget that.

And if anyone ever told you, that Irooni must die.
You sharpen your big finger, and stick it in their eye!

When an iranian writes in english ...



This letter was written by an employee of the NIOC (National Iranian Oil

Company) back in the 1960`s to his American boss, Mr.Hamilton.



Dear Mr.Hamilton

I, the undersigned, have worked in the NIOC in

Masjed-Solyeman for three years, But since Mr.Ahmadi

transferred here everything has changed.



I don't know "what a wet wood I have sold him" that

from the very first day he has been "pulling the belt

to my lift" With all kinds of "cat dancing" he has

tried to become the "eye and the light" of Mr.Wilson.

He made so much "mouse running" that finally Mr.Wilson

"became donkey",

and appointed Mr.Ahmadi as his right hand man, and

told me to work "under his hand"



Mr.Wilson promised me that next year he would make me

his right hand man, but "my eye didn't not drink

water", and I knew that all these were

"hat play", and he was trying to put a "hat on my

head" I "put the seal of silence to my lips" and did

not say anything. Since that he was just

"putting watermelon under my arms" Knowing that this

transfer was only "good for his aunt", I started

begging him to forget that I ever came

to see him and forget my visit altogether. I said "you

saw camel, you did not see camel"....but he was not

"getting of the devils donkey"..."what headache shall

I give you" I am now forced to work in the mail house

with bunch of "blind, bald, height and half height"

people. "Imagine how much my ass burns"



Now Mr.Hamilton, "I turn around your head" you are my

only hope and my "back and shelter"...."I swear you to

the 14 innocents" please "do some work for me"...."in

the resurrection day I`ll grasp your skirt"...."I

have six head bread eaters".....I kiss your hand and

legs"



Your servant

You refer to yourself as a Persian, not an Iranian.

You refer to every other Persian as a FOB.

You refuse to drive anything but a BMW or Mercedes.

You're always on the verge of trading in your Honda/Nissan for a Beamer or Mercedes.

You have a friend that designs websites.

You think Black Cats have talent.

Your wardrobe consists of black, black, and more black.

You wish Waffle House had "kaleh pache" on the menu.

You rap along to DMX in Farsi.

You own a fake Rolex, Omega, or TAG.

Your Armani pants don't fit you, but you wear them anyways.

You think you're the first one to come up with Persian Mafia.

You know the Persian Mafia hand sign.

You rewind the movie Clueless to show your friends the Mafia part.

You have to explain to sefeeds that a visa is not a credit card.

Your refer to your dad's friends as Amoo!

You order hot tea at Chili's.

Your parents have a samovar.

You have a houka as a centerpiece in your living room.

You take dates out to chelo kabob.

You have a Persian rug in every room.

You have an endless supply of pistachios, dates, and figs.

You actually like carbonated yogurt drinks.

You either tip 2% or 50% but never 15%.

You only wear Adidas athletic wear.

Your grandmother insists you eat something every time you visit her.

You refer to your group as Khodemuni.

You name your pet Versace.

Your parents say you're becoming Americanized anytime you get into trouble.

You know Samad is funnier than Jim Carrey.

You hug and kiss relatives you have never seen before in your life.

You curse at your teachers or strangers in Farsi

You have sudden and strange cravings for "doogh"

You wonder whether a cute girl is Persian and go up to ask her just to start a conversation

You have to constantly remind your American friends to take off their shoes when they enter your house

You know all the local Persian restaurants within a 30 mile radius of your house

You take Persian food to school or work to eat, even if it is cold kabob

You flip out when someone mistakes you for a Mexican or Indian.

You have to explain to all your friends that being Persian and Iranian are the same thing.

You have Thanksgiving dinner with rice and "khoresht." (STEW)

After a family meal, the women fight to the death over who should wash the dishes while the men sit on their behinds and play cards, waiting for their tea.

You walk down Wilshire Blvd in LA and you are trying to eavesdrop on others' Farsi conversations.

Within five minutes after you leave a party your parents are talking shit about all the people who they were just "ruboosy"ing while you are listening idly in the back seat of the car.

Your parents want you to become a doctor or a computer programmer.

Your dad tells you daily, "Donyayeh ayandeh, donya yeh computereh" ("The world of the future, is the the world of computers.")

You're proud to be Persian - and you pass these jokes on to all your Persian friends!

--

You Know You Are Persian If...

82. You land in your new country with the attitude that they owe you
something.
81. Your cologne precedes you into the room/car.
80. You refer to yourself as a Persian, not an Iranian.
79. You refer to every other Persian as a FOB.
78. You have a fear of being deported.
77. You refuse to drive anything but a BMW or Mercedes.
76. You refer to a BMW as a BMV.
75. You're always on the verge of trading in your Honda/Nissan for a Beamer or
Mercedes.
74. You have a friend that designs websites.
73. You think Black Cats have talent.
72. You only hang out in droves of 12 or more.
71. Your wardrobe consists of black, black, and more black.
70. You think your uni-brow is sexy.
69. You celebrate when you receive your citizenship.
68. You're sister is harrier than you.
67. You wish Waffle House had "kaleh pache" on the menu.
66. You and your brother share girls.
65. You'll sleep with 1,000 blondes but you'll never marry one.
64. You trim your chest hair with clippers and then move down south too!
63. You rap along to DMX in Farsi.
62. You refer to blacks as sousques.
61. Your hair is a fire hazard.
60. You dream about girls in Iran taking it in the ass to keep their
virginity.
59. You own a fake Rolex, Omega, or TAG.
58. Your Armani pants don't fit you, but you wear them anyways.
57. You think you're the first one to come up with Persian Mafia.
56. You know the Persian Mafia hand sign.
55. You rewind the movie Clueless to show your friends the Mafia part.
54. You tell people your half Italian.
53. You find cow tongue appetizing.
52. You have convinced yourself that your eyes are really green or blue.
51. You know Ali.
50. You have to explain to sefeeds that a visa is not a credit card.
49. You listen to rap but talk shit about black people.
48. Your refer to your dads friends as Amoo!
47. You order hot tea at Chili's.
46. Your parents have a samovar.
45. You have a houka as a centerpiece in your living room.
44. You take dates out to chelo kabob.
43. You have a persian rug in every room.
42. You have an endless supply of pistachios, dates, and figs.
41. You go to persian concerts for the falloudeh.
40. You actually like carbonated yogurt drinks.
39. You've ever been in a fight because someone called you a camel jockey.
38. You always taroff about who will pay.
37. You either tip 2% or 50% but never 15%.
36. You know how to flash your wallet and then put it back without paying.
35. You only wear Adidas athletic wear.
34. Your cell phone has a stupid-ass ring.
33. Your grandmother insists you eat something every time you visit her.
32. You refer to your group as Khodemuni.
31. You're intramural team consists of all persians and that one white guy.
30. You name your pet Versace.
29. You can get a hook-up almost anywhere you go.
28. You have ever participated in tax evasion.
27. You like Jay-Z's "Big Pimpin"
26. You'll listen to anything but country music.
25. Your parents say your becoming americanized anytime you get into trouble.
24. You know Samad is funnier than Jim Carrey.
23. You're parents have been here for 20 years but they still say "I like dat
von".
22. You get mad when you see a persian girl with a sefeed because you your kir
is bigger.
21. You say things like "It's all about being persian!"--what?!?
20. All your jokes are targeted towards Afghans and Turks
19. You hug and kiss relatives you have never seen before in your life.
18. Brag to everyone how you are from the true "Aryan" race
17. You curse at your teachers or strangers in Farsi
16. You have sudden and strange cravings for "doogh"
15. You drink so much chayee your piss is brown
14. You wonder whether a cute girl is Persian and go up to ask her just to
start a conversation
13. You wear a gold "Allah" necklace or have a Quran in your house even though
you are not Muslim
12. You have to constantly remind your American friends to take off their
shoes when they enter your house
11. You know all the local Persian restaurants within a 30 mile radius of your
house
10. You take Persian food to school or work to eat, even if it is cold kabob
9. Your wardrobe consists of two colors: black and grey.
8. You flip out when someone mistakes you for a Mexican or Indian.
7. The last three cars you owned were either Lexus, Mercedes, or BMW.
6. You have to explain to all your friends that being Persian and Iranian are
the same thing.
5. You try to get hooked up with a discount when the owner of a shop is
Persian.
4. You own a Persian pride hat, shirt, or an Iran jersey so everyone knows you
are Persian.
3. You are hairy and damn proud of it.
2. Your vocabulary when talking to your Persian friends only consists of foul
words starting with k...
1. Your AOL screen name is or contains a persian word.






* If your mother messes up your marriage.

* If you are a car salesman and at the same time a singer

* If you talk behind your wife with your mother.

* If you dress up to go to grocery store.

* If you go to concert, but you never see the singer and stay in the hallways
* with your drink and check out girls.

* If you never wear your wedding ring.

* If you smoke 5 packs a day and tell everyone you don't smoke.

* If you pronounce "Sure", SHOOR

* If your favorite drink is Vodka.

* If you are about 35 and have no hair on your head.

* If you watch Iranian program on TV, but always nag for bad programming.

* If you are good in playing backgammon and chess but can't do your taxes.

* If you call gas station, gas eestasion.

* If you ask someone to marry and they want to know if you own a house.

* If you claim you are Italian.

* If you divorce your wife but still don't let her date anyone else.

* If your wife divorces you, but still goes shopping with your sister.

* If you used to be a brain surgeon in Iran but now you work in a chelokabab
* (Persian restaurant) in New York or London.

* If you carry 3 pagers and 2 cellular phones and no one ever calls you.

* If you claim your dad was a very good friend of the SHAH.

* If you don't own a house and have no job but still can afford a BMW.

* If you have to shave more than once a day.

* If you were a 4 star general in Iran and now drive a cab in Washington D.C.

* If your in-laws come to visit and they never leave.

If your mother messes up your marriage

If you are a car salesman and at the same time a singer.

If you talk behind your wife's back with your mother.
If you dress up to go to grocery store.
If you go to concert, but you never see the singer and stay in the hallways with your drink and check out girls.

If you never wear your wedding ring.
If you smoke 5 packs a day and tell everyone you don't smoke
If you pronounce "Sure", "SHOOR".
If your favourite drink is Vodka

If you are about 35 and have no hair on your head.
If you watch Iranian program on TV, but always nag for programming.
If you are good in playing backgammon and chess but can't do your taxes.

If you pronounce "gas station", "gas esstation".
If you ask someone to marry and they want to know if you own a house.
If you claim you are Italian.

If you divorce your wife but still don't let her date anyone else.
If your wife divorces you, but still goes shopping with your sister.
If you used to be a brain surgeon in Iran but now you work in a "chelokababy."

If you carry 3 pagers and 2 cellular phone and no one ever calls you.
If you claim your dad was a very good friend of SHAH.
If you don't own a house and have no job, but still can afford a BMW.
If you have to shave more than once a day.
If you were a 4 star general in Iran and now drive a cab in Washington D.C.

If your in-laws come to visit and they never leave

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

More:

Your parents say that they are long lost friends/relatives of Beverly Hills designer Bijan back in Iran.

You walk down Wilshire Blvd in LA and you are trying to eavesdrop on others' Farsi conversations.

Your parents tell of how they knew/saw Googoosh at parties when she was a little child back in Iran.

Within five minutes after you leave a party your parents are talking shit about all the people who they were just "ruboosy"ing while you are listening idly in the back seat of the car.

You parents want you to become a doctor or a computer programmer.

Your dad tells you daily, "Donyayeh ayandeh, donya yeh computereh"

You started college as a biology major wanting to go to med school, then you figured you'd become a dentist because its easier, then you tried computer programming, then you switched to become a lawyer, and you finally have ended up as a real estate agent.

You use the phrase "Ghorbooneh Shoma" or "Ghorbonat" or "Ghorboonet" at least 30 times a day.

You start every sentence with "Bebeen"

When you go to Vegas you try to act as if you are cooler than anyone else that may resemble a persian.

You walk down the street with your cell phone in your hand, whereas you could stick it in your pocket or belt clip.

You've always wondered (especially as a child) why Hagee Feeruz was black.

You've always found it difficult (especially as a child) to eat pesteh.

Male=You wish Catherine Bell was your wife because she's half persian and incredible.

Female=you own a pair of black pants

Someone you know has tried to import a beemer or benz from Europe to save >money and it always seems to be breaking down due to emissions conversions made to it.

Your parents pronounce their w's as v's-vhat, vhere, vhen, vhy

Your parents forget the 'h' in 'th' and pronounce their 'th's' as 'd's' -dhat, dheir, dhen

When Andre Aghassi comes up you immediately pronounce it "aghassi" instead of "agasi" then you start about how his dad was a famous iranian boxer.

When you see a farsi/Iranian license plate on the road like "Shaytoon" or "Alis Beemr" you immediately cut through 3 lanes of traffic and try to speed up to see whose in the car.

You get excited when a cashier is persian

You've noticed Mexicans working as chefs at your neighborhood Chelokababi and have wondered about it.

You've wondered why Pierre Omidyar, arguably the world's richest persian, doesn't use his abundance of money to aid his home country where people can't walk outside because of air pollution.

When a discussion about movies come up someone mentions what a good movie 'Children of Heaven' was and what a negative portrayal 'Not Without My Daughter' was

You have a free notepad or refrigerator magnet of an Iranian real estate agent or lawyer.

You've read Ways You Know Your Persian Emails on the Web and laughed uncontrollably at similarities while forwarding it to your friends and reminding them of how they fit that stereotype!