Corporate Astrology


Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday.
The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us
what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy, and what you
watch on television.

Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job
title, people will have you all figured out...

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree
to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking
and socializing--which is pretty much what your job responsibilities
are now. Least compatible with Sales.

SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a
degree," you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls
you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with
"customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek
admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are
instead content to completely control everything that happens at your
workplace. Often even you don't understand what you are saying, but
who the hell can tell?! It is written that the geeks shall inherit the
Earth.

ENGINEERING: One of only two signs that actually studied in school, it
is said that ninety percent of all personal ads are placed by
engineers. You can be happy with yourself: your office is typically
full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know
what is really causing your "carpal tunnel"...

ACCOUNTING: The only other sign that studied in school, you are mostly
immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the
organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the
majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.

HUMAN RESOURCES: Ironically, given your access to confidential
information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the
organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than
marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have
to get a haircut, have lunch, and mail a letter!

MIDDLE MANAGEMENT/DEPARTMENT MANAGEMENT/"TEAM LEADS": Catty,
cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at
your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single
decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you
can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle
Managers," as everyone in your social circle is a "Middle Manager."

SENIOR MANAGEMENT: Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you
are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life.
Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the
number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry
other "Senior Managers," as everyone in your social circle is a
"Senior Manager."

CUSTOMER SERVICE: Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab
ride from taking your own life. As a child very few of you asked your
parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could
pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for
promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

CONSULTANT: 666.