How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace


Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is
especially effective if your boss is a different gender than
you are.)

Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only
by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry
I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi."

Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're
doing.For example "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

"Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your
shoes since you did this.

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."

Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.

Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people
you're waiting for your document.

Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have
time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the
meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.

Insist that your e-mail address be
"zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com" or
"12345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345"

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they
want fries with that.

Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate
about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward
the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized
chair dancing.

Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."

Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny
Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.

For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and
snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your
snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth.

Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc...
in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none...
Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be
faster than that."

Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has
gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.