Patient:It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.
Doctor:Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?
Patient:I sure did. The bottle said "keep tightly closed."

Bob to X-ray technician after swallowing some money:"Do you see any change in me?"

Nurse: Doctor, Doctor the man you've just treated collapsed on the front step. What should I do?
Doctor:Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!

Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? He's fully recovered.

A mother complained to her doctor about her daughters strange eating habits.
"All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?"
"Eventually" said the Doctor, "she will rise and shine!"