1. What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women.
2. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One...men will screw anything.
3. How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner.
4. Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have balls to scratch.
5. What's a man's idea of floor play? A half hour of begging.
6. How can you tell if a man is sexually excited? He's breathing.
7. How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares?
8. What's the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds mature.
9. How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off of his head.
10. What do men and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.
11. How many men does it take to change a role of toilet paper? We don't know, it's never been done.
12. How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are
handicapped.
13. What’s the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
14. What’s a man's idea of a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six-pack of beer.
15. What’s a man's idea of helping you with the housework? Picking up his feet so you can vacuum.
16. What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted.
17. What’s the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding, scum-sucker, and the other is a fish!
18. What did God say after creating man? I can do better.
19. What do you have when you have two balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention.
20. What are the two reasons why men don't mind their business? 1. No mind. 2. No business.
21. How is a man like a snowstorm? You don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
22. Did you hear about the banker who's a great lover? He knows firsthand the penalty for early withdraw.
23. Why are men like laxatives? They both irritate the shit out of you.
24. If a man got pregnant.…..Abortion would be available in convenient stores and drive-thru windows.
25. Why do men name their penises? They want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all of their decisions.
26. Why is it so hard for women to find a man that is sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because they already have boyfriends.
27. Did you hear about the man who won a gold medal at The Olympics? He had it bronzed.
28. Why do men like masturbation? It's sex with someone they love.
29. How do men define "Roe V. Wade"? Two ways to cross a river.
30. What is gross stupidity? 144 men in the same room.
31. What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette? The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
32. How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three: One to hold the pan, and two others to show off and shake the stove.
33. What is a man's view of safe sex? A padded headboard.
34. How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy But Wearable".
35. Why did God create man? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.
36. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they don't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
37. Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? It keeps the swelling down.