Creative Answering Machine Messages

Creative Answering Machine Messages

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You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy.
You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions....
As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality.
You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone... The telephone is next to an answering machine....
I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am.
.....
I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.
I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine?
Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist....
I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow.
So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow....
This is Alan. Leave me a message and tell me what I can do to... I mean, do FOR you.
Noisy pick-up of phone.) Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine.
If you give me your name and number I'll... Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it....
If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.
Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message....
I'm writing the definitive work on pain. I would like you to tell me how this machine makes you feel.
Remember, be honest. This is for posterity....

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