For long, India's colonial rulers divided the country's population by the numbers. And as current-day politicians continue with that
unholy task, we present a shortcut to make their work easier. Here's distinguishing India's different cultures by the numbers: 
MALAYALEES 
One Malayalee is a narial-pani shop. 
Two Malayalees is a boat race.
Three Malayalees is a Gulf job racket. 
Four Malayalees is an oilslick. 
TAMILIANS 
One Tamilian is a fugitive sandalwood smuggler. 
Two Tamilians is a suicide-bomb squad. 
Three Tamilians is a classical music school. 
Four Tamilians is a Jayalalitha fan club. 
ANDHRAITES 
One Andhraite is a cycle-rickshaw driver. 
Two Andhraites is a spice shop. 
Three Andhraites is a Naxalite outfit. 
Four Andhraites is the Telugu film industry. 
BENGALIS 
One Bengali is a rosagulla shop. 
Two Bengalis is a black-and-white movie. 
Three Bengalis is a Mohun Bagan support group. 
Four Bengalis is a Marxist movement. 
RAJASTHANIS 
One Rajasthani is a cattle-seller. 
Two Rajasthanis is a mason. 
Three Rajasthanis is a puppet show. 
Four Rajasthanis is a folk dance-drama. 
GOANS 
One Goan is Remo Fernandes. 
Two Goans is a Feni distillery. 
Three Goans is a football club. 
Four Goans is an all-night-long beach party. 
MANGALOREANS 
One Mangalorean is a supari seller. 
Two Mangaloreans can't stand one another. 
Three Mangaloreans is an Udupi restaurant. 
Four Mangaloreans is a fanatical Konkani Sabha. 
BOMBAYITES 
One Bombayite is a hawker. 
Two Bombayites is a film industry. 
Three Bombayites is a slum. 
Four Bombayites is the rush-hour train crowd. 
MAHARASHTRIANS 
One Maharashtrian is a bus conductor. 
Two Maharashtrians is a kabaddi match. 
Three Maharashtrians is a Ganpati procession. 
Four Maharashtrians is a Shiv Sena Shakha. 
GUJARATIS 
One Gujarati is a share broker in a Mumbai train. 
Two Gujaratis is the total chatter in a Mumbai train. 
Three Gujaratis is a rummy game in a Mumbai train. 
Four Gujaratis is a dandiya-raas session all night long.
KUTCHIES 
One Kutchi is a kirana shop. 
Two Kutchis is a stationery shop. 
Three Kutchis is a saree shop. 
Four Kutchis is the entire Bombay retail trade. 
SARDARJIS 
One Sardarji is a truck-driver. 
Two Sardarjis is a roadside dhaba. 
Three Sardarjis is a terrorist outfit. 
Four Sardarjis are always found in jokes. 
SINDHIS 
One Sindhi is a currency racket. 
Two Sindhis is a papad factory. 
Three Sindhis is a duplicate goods shop. 
Four Sindhis is a lot of gas around (yeech!). 
BIHARIS 
One Bihari is Laloo Prasad Yadav. 
Two Biharis is a booth-capturing squad. 
Three Biharis is a caste killing. 
Four Biharis is the total literate population of the state. 
BHAIYYAS 
One Bhaiyya is a milkman. 
Two Bhaiyyas is a chanawala (or panipuri wala). 
Three Bhaiyyas is a temple-destruction squad. 
Four Bhaiyyas is a halwai shop. 
(And 12 Bhaiyyas is one SMALL family). 
KASHMIRIS 
One Kashmiri is a boatman. 
Two Kashmiris is a carpet factory. 
Three Kashmiris is a tourist agency. 
Four Kashmiris is a terrorist outfit. 
KANNADIGAS 
One Kannadiga is a coffee estate. 
Two Kannadigas is a Udupi restaurant. 
Three Kannadigas is a pepper powder factor. 
Four Kannadigas is an anti-Cauvery squad. 
PUNJABIS 
One Punjabi is chhole-bathure 5 times a week. 
Two Punjabis is one bottle of whisky in one night. 
Three Punjabis is a public fist-fight. 
Four Punjabis is 200 kg of excess weight. 
PARSIS 
One Parsi is a sentence punctuated with BC's and MC's. 
Two Parsis is a doctor and a lawyer. 
Three Parsis is a 75 year old man and his two unmarried sisters.
Four Parsis is half their remaining population. 
PAKISTANIS 
One Pakistani is one too many..............