1. The Marlboro Man

2. Big Brother

3. King Arthur

4. Santa Claus (St. Nick)

5. Hamlet

6. Dr. Frankenstein's Monster

7. Siegfried

8. Sherlock Holmes

9. Romeo and Juliet

10. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

11. Uncle Tom

12. Robin Hood

13. Jim Crow

14. Oedipus

15. Lady Chatterly

16. Ebenezer Scrooge

17. Don Quixote

18. Mickey Mouse

19. The American Cowboy

20. Prince Charming

21. Smokey Bear

22. Robinson Crusoe

23. Apollo and Dionysus

24. Odysseus

25. Nora Helmer

26. Cinderella

27. Shylock

28. Rosie the Riveter

29. Midas

30. Hester Prynne

31. The Little Engine That Could

32. Archie Bunker

33. Dracula

34. Alice in Wonderland

35. Citizen Kane

36. Faust

37. Figaro

38. Godzilla

39. Mary Richards

40. Don Juan

41. Bambi

42. William Tell

43. Barbie

44. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

45. Venus and Cupid

46. Prometheus

47. Pandora

48. G.I. Joe

49. Tarzan

50. Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock

51. James Bond

52. Hansel and Gretel

53. Captain Ahab

54. Richard Blaine

55. The Ugly Duckling

56. Loch Ness Monster (Nessie)

57. Atticus Finch

58. Saint Valentine

59. Helen of Troy

60. Batman

61. Uncle Sam

62. Nancy Drew

63. J.R. Ewing

64. Superman

65. Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn

66. HAL 9000

67. Kermit the Frog

68. Sam Spade

69. The Pied Piper

70. Peter Pan

71. Hiawatha

72. Othello

73. The Little Tramp

74. King Kong

75. Norman Bates

76. Hercules (Herakles)

77. Dick Tracy

78. Joe Camel

79. The Cat in the Hat

80. Icarus

81. Mammy

82. Sindbad

83. Amos 'n' Andy

84. Buck Rogers

85. Luke Skywalker

86. Perry Mason

87. Dr. Strangelove

88. Pygmalion

89. Madame Butterfly

90. Hans Beckert

91. Dorothy Gale

92. The Wandering Jew

93. The Great Gatsby

94. Buck (Jack London, The Call of the Wild)

95. Willy Loman

96. Betty Boop

97. Ivanhoe

98. Elmer Gantry

99. Lilith

100. John Doe

101. Paul Bunyan

1. Viagra
Men being treated for erectile dysfunction should salute the working stiffs of Merthyr Tydfil, the Welsh hamlet where, in 1992 trials, the gravity-defying side effects of a new angina drug first popped up. Previously, the blue-collar town was known for producing a different kind of iron.

2. LSD
Swiss chemist Albert Hofmann took the world's first acid hit in 1943, when he touched a smidge of lysergic acid diethylamide, a chemical he had researched for inducing childbirth. He later tried a bigger dose and made another discovery: the bad trip.

3. X-rays
Several 19th-century scientists toyed with the penetrating rays emitted when electrons strike a metal target. But the x-ray wasn't discovered until 1895, when German egghead Wilhelm Röntgen tried sticking various objects in front of the radiation - and saw the bones of his hand projected on a wall.

4. Penicillin
Scottish scientist Alexander Fleming was researching the flu in 1928 when he noticed that a blue-green mold had infected one of his petri dishes - and killed the staphylococcus bacteria growing in it. All hail sloppy lab work!

5. Artificial sweeteners
Speaking of botched lab jobs, three leading pseudo-sugars reached human lips only because scientists forgot to wash their hands. Cyclamate (1937) and aspartame (1965) are byproducts of medical research, and saccharin (1879) appeared during a project on coal tar derivatives. Yummy.

6. Microwave ovens
Microwave emitters (or magnetrons) powered Allied radar in WWII. The leap from detecting Nazis to nuking nachos came in 1946, after a magnetron melted a candy bar in Raytheon engineer Percy Spencer's pocket.

7. Brandy
Medieval wine merchants used to boil the H20 out of wine so their delicate cargo would keep better and take up less space at sea. Before long, some intrepid soul - our money's on a sailor - decided to bypass the reconstitution stage, and brandy was born. Pass the Courvoisier!

8. Vulcanized rubber
Rubber rots badly and smells worse, unless it's vulcanized. Ancient Mesoamericans had their own version of the process, but Charles Goodyear rediscovered it in 1839 when he unintentionally (well, at least according to most accounts) dropped a rubber-sulfur compound onto a hot stove.

9. Silly Putty
In the early 1940s, General Electric scientist James Wright was working on artificial rubber for the war effort when he mixed boric acid and silicon oil. V-J Day didn't come any sooner, but comic strip image-stretching practically became a national pastime.

10. Potato chips
Chef George Crum concocted the perfect sandwich complement in 1853 when - to spite a customer who complained that his fries were cut too thick - he sliced a potato paper-thin and fried it to a crisp. Needless to say, the diner couldn't eat just one.

- Compiled by Lucas Graves

1. Remove a broken key from a lock.
Put some super glue on broken off part, insert, hold a few seconds and pull.

2. Remove a broken light bulb.
Stick a bar of soap into jagged edges, use soap as handle.

3. Remove a stubborn screw.
Heat with a soldering iron for a few seconds first.

4. Protect children from sockets.
Keep a piece of electrical tape over them when not in use.

5. Good glass door safety tip.
Put a BIG decal on the glass and patio doors.

6. Keep nails from splitting wood.
Blunt sharp end of nail before you use by hitting with hammer.

7. Repair small holes in screen.
Plug holes with clear nail polish, let dry, repeat until filled.

8. Straighten warped phono records.
Place record between two sheets of glass, let sit in sun for a while.

9. Best way to clean phono records.
Dip in solution of detergent and water, rinse and wipe dry.

10. Make your own fireplace logs.
Roll newspapers up tightly in shape of logs.

11. How to remove oil from a driveway.
Cover with sand let stand for a few days, then sweep off.

12. Keep fish hooks from rusting.
Stick them in a cork and submerge in some baking soda.

13. Make sandpaper last longer.
Back sandpaper with masking tape.

14. How to revive old razor blades.
Rub them back and forth inside a drinking glass.

15. Remove road tar from cars.
Sodium bicarbonate on a damp cloth.

16. Remove labels from bottles and jars.

17. Cut glass without a glass cutter.
Use tin snips and cut under water, smooth rough edges off with knife blade.

18. Easy to unglue stamps and envelopes.
Put in freezer for a few hours then flip off with knife blade.

19. Get water out of your watch.
Strap watch to light bulb, turn on for a few minutes. Water drops will form
on glass. Open up and wipe off.

20. Prevent snow sticking to shovel.
Coat shovel with car wax.

21. Tighten your hammer handle.
Soak in used engine oil for a day.

22. Low cost laminating -EASY.
Cover article with clear contact (cling film) paper.

23. Open that stuck zip.
Spray the stuck zip with shaving foam.

24. Remove paint from auto.
The product to clean paint from your car is Benzol.

25. Increase your petrol mileage.
Put 4oz of benzol to each ten gallons of petrol to increase mpg.

26. How to renew car batteries.
Dissolve 1oz of epsom salts in warm water and add to each cell.

27. Easily untie a knot in a chain.
cover the knot generously with cold cream.

28. Loosen those tight shoes.
Wad some damp newspapers into shoes and leave for a few days.

29. Make shoes slip proof.
Take scissors and scratch crisscrosses on the soles.

30. The ideal pin cushion.
Use a bar of soap, makes sewing easier, needle just slides through.

31. Make your own metal polisher.
Take blackboard chalk and rub into cloth, then rub on metal.

32. Good dog and cat repellent.
Place mothballs in areas. They will avoid it. Animals hate mothball odour.

33. When your pet has no appetite.
Try a saucer of beer. It.s known to perk up the appetite.

34. Easy to rid pets of fleas.
Put a foam rubber bed in the pet.s bed - fleas hate it.

35. Quick ways to press ties.
Hang in bath while you take a shower - steam takes wrinkles out.

36. How to remove staples.
An old nail clipper works fine for removing staples.

37. Eliminate odours from disposal.
Throw a lemon in it and let it be ground up.

38. Keep salt moisture free.
Put pieces of blotting paper in shaker. It will absorb moisture.

39. Simple eye glass cleaner.
Vinegar diluted in water makes fine eyeglass cleaner.

40. Easy clean glass doors and mirrors.
Just rub with damp newspaper - they will shine.

41. Easily reduce ashtray smell.
Keep a small amount of baking soda in ashtrays at all times.

42. Messless painting from a bucket.
Punch several holes around rim of can with small nail.

43. Take lumps out of paint.
Cut a piece of screen to fit inside of can or bucket, it will float to bottom
taking lumps with it.

44. Keep bugs out of paint.
Pour a little insect repellent into the can - it does the trick.

45. Prevent flowers from fading.
Use a few drops of chlorine bleach in water, add an aspirin for life.

46. A simple roach formula - IT WORKS!
Crumble cigarette butts in water, let dry then spread in roach areas.

47. Save painting clean up time.
Cover roller tray with aluminium foil then just throw away.

48. A novel paint can cover.
Use plastic lid from a coffee can.

49. Keep piano keys looking new.
Keep cover open, ivory turns dark if exposed to darkness.

50. How to remove grease from rugs.
Pour ample amount of baking soda on it, brush in, let stand for a day and vacuum off.

51. Destroy desire for nicotine.
Take before breakfast, a half teaspoon of rochelle salts and cream of tartar.

52. Destroy desire for alcohol.
Mix goldthread with gold seal in a tea. It creates a violent taste for alcohol.

53. Excellent insomnia formula.
One tbs powdered milk, 2 tbs honey, 1 tbs brewers yeast, stir into cup of warm milk
and take before retiring.

54. Famous diet formula plan.
Mix 1 tbs safflower oil to 2 tbs grapefruit juice, take before meals.

55. The $25 beauty facial.
Spread milk of magnesia over face, let dry, cover again, let dry, remove with damp
cloth, then apply some warm olive oil, then apply some ice cold witch hazel.

56. How to improve your IQ.
Hydrocotyle asiatica teas are a noted brain food.

57. Make pantyhose last longer.
One tbs alum, 1 quart water, rinse, let dry, then wash with soap, rinse and dry.

58. Remove blood stains from carpet.
Sponge immediately with cold water, then use a bit of soap, rinse and dry.

59. Make your guitar really shine.
Rub some toothpaste on, let dry then buff it. It will shine!

60. Keep a burn from blistering.
Apply ice cubes to the burn immediately.

61. Remove ink stains from carpet.
Apply a paste of milk and cornstarch, let stand a few hours and brush off.

62. Dry shampoo your pet.
Rub baking soda into fur and brush out. Will smell great.

63. Put a shine on your windows.
Brush with nylon stocking, use blackboard eraser to shine.

64. Unwrinkling plastic materials.
Heat ironing board with iron, lay materials on, smooth with hands.

65. Easy needle threading.
Dip tip of needle into clear nail polish and let dry.

66. How to clean your ties.
Put tie in jar with some carbon tetrachloride, shake, take out and let dry.

67. Easy clean your nail file.
Press apiece of tape onto file, pull off. Removes all dirt.

68. How to remove scorches.
Wet scorched area and cover with cornstarch, brush off when dry.

69. What to do if you oversalt food.
Drop a potato or two into it. Absorbs the oversalt.

70. Watermelon ripeness test.
Look for a creamy surface underneath the melon.

71. How to freshen stale nuts.
Stick them in the oven for 15 minutes at 250 degrees.

72. How to destroy fish smells.
Rub butter on your hands or wherever smell is to be removed.

73. How to destroy onion smells.
Dampen hands and rub bicarbonate of soda over them.

74. Keep and use overripe bananas.
Mash and freeze for making cakes and biscuits.

75. How to boil a cracked egg.
Add a dash of vinegar to the water.

76. How to make mocha coffee.
Instead of milk or cream try some chocolate milk.

77. Easy boiled egg peeling.
Keep lid on for a few minutes after boiling, pressure causes shell to fall off.

78. Eliminate popcorn duds -fast.
Freeze it first then it will all pop.

79. Easy clean kitchen windows.
Add starch to water and clean with a piece of newspaper.

80. Easy clean silverware - the best.
Use baking soda and damp cloth, clean, rinse and let dry.

81. Vegetable for liver and prostrate.
Beets.

82. Fruit soothes intestinal tract.
Papaya.

83. A fruit for arthritic gout.
Cherries

84. An appetiser fruit - GOOD
Pineapple.

85. Fruit for stomach.
Coconut.

86. A fruit for constipation.
Raw apples.

87. A fruit high in iron.
Strawberries.

88. Fruit for neutralising acid.
Lemons.

89. A fruit healthful for kidneys.
Watermelon.

90. A fruit fine for the nerves.
Bananas.

91. Two fruits thought anti-tobacco.
Apples and grapes eaten raw.

92. A fruit thought anti-cancer.
Figs.

93. Vegetable good for the kidneys.
Celery.

94. Vegetable that.s antibiotic.
Garlic.

95. Fruit to tune blood vessels.
Oranges.

96. Vegetable for fresh breath.
Parsley.

97. Ingredient good for the heart.
Honey.

98. A vegetable good for the eyes.
Carrots.

99. A good source of iodine.
Kelp.

100. A vegetable with high vitamin C .
Green peppers.

101. How to shine your refrigerator.
Use bicarbonate of soda on a wet sponge.

102. How to remove a hot cake pan.
Use clothes pins.

103. Keep windshields frost free.
Apply solution 1 part vinegar to 3 parts water over windshield.

104. Make dry cell batteries last longer.
Seal in plastic bags, wrap in aluminium foil, keep in refrigerator.

105. Remove wax from candle holders.
Freeze holders in refrigerator and it will just peel off.

106. Prevent kitchen stools from slipping.
Put rubber tips from crutches on bottom of legs.

107. Rid scratches from plastic watches.
Use cotton bud dipped in nail polish remover, rub over face, scratch disappears.

108. Excellent lubricant for appliances.
Put a drop of glycerine in gears - makes an excellent lubricant!

109. Keep garbage bags from slipping.
Use 3 or 4 clothes pins, keeps them from slipping.

110. How to clean glassware.
Clean with stale tea. If they spot, soak in buttermilk, let dry and wipe off.

111. How to clean carved furniture.
Use an old tooth brush to clean then use furniture polish on brush.

112. Remove ink from varnished furniture.
Rub with soft cloth filled with equal parts vinegar and linseed oil.

113. Remove mildew smell from luggage.
Put a bar of soap in luggage before storing.

114. Remove smoke, grease from woodwork.
Paint wood with solution of starch and water, when dry rub off.

115. Really shine your kitchen floor.
Add some sour milk to your rinse water, it will shine!

116. How to clean rust from chrome.
Rub it with aluminium foil.

117. How to really clean enamel.
Use a paste of salt and vinegar then wipe off.

118. Remove shoe polish from clothing.
Use carbon tetrachloride or rubbing alcohol.

119. Remove cigarette stains from china.
Rub it with a cork that has been dipped in salt.

120. Make your own ink eradicator.
Mix one part liquid bleach to ten parts water. Works great!

121. Make your appliances really shine.
Rub them over with rubbing alcohol, they will stay shining.

122. Remove stains from coffee cups.
Rub with salt and vinegar.

123. Make your own furniture polish.
Use two parts olive oil to one part vinegar. Have it warm while using.

124. Make your own silver polish,
Tooth paste or baking soda makes an excellent silver polish.

125. A really good copper cleaner.
Use a paste of salt and vinegar.

126. To clean your diamond rings.
Use toothpaste with an old tooth brush, rub rinse and let dry.

127. Clean tarnished gold and silver.
Rub with paste of water and baking soda, rinse and let dry.

128. How to make good jewellery cleaner.
Clean with a solution of one teaspoon ammonia and one cup of water.

129. Reset stone in your jewellery.
Put clear nail varnish in the base, set the stone in and let dry.

130. Prevent costume jewellery from tarnishing.
Put a thin coat of transparent nail polish over it.

131. Good cleaning aid for dishwashers.
Add some vinegar to the dishwasher.

132. Cure scratches on your furniture.
Use machine oil or some colour shoe polish.

133. Make a good fingernail brush.
Cut down the bristles of an old tooth brush.

134. Food for the whole litter (HOW).
Use a muffin pan so the runts can have some.

135. Lengthen life of wooden clothespins.
Boil then in salt solution.

136. Make a neat string dispenser.
Nail a funnel to wall and pull string out of bottom of funnel.

137. Tips on storing plastic curtains.
Sprinkle talcum powder between the layers as you go.

138. Basting made real easy (NEAT!).
Just tape and sew around the pieces of tape.

139. How to revive old clothing.
Shave those little fluffs off with a safety razor.

140. Make an emergency clothes brush.
Wrap a piece of tape around the hand, sticky side out.

141. Stop clothes catching on hangers.
Put a coat of clear nail polish over splinters and rough edges.

142. A needle sharpening pin cushion.
Use a steel wool to fill your cushion, keeps needles sharp.

143. Make a good yarn preserver.
Wrap yarn around a moth ball for storage.

144. Handy tips on cutting fur.
Use a razor blade on back of fur when cutting, you won.t cut any hair.

145. Tips on sewing slippery material.
Stick a piece of waxed paper in seam, pull away when finished.

146. Easy pick up of needle spills.
Use a small magnet to pick up any needle spill.

147. Excellent knitting tips.
Keep ball of yarn in nylon stocking, will flow out free of tangles.

148. How to get rid of shiny trousers.
Make a solution of 1 part vinegar to 4 parts water, soak a cloth in it, wring out
cloth put over trousers and press slightly.

149. When you need heavy duty thread.
Use dental floss.

150. Make a handy tape measure.
Just put tape around an old adhesive tape spool.

151. Prevent nylon from yellowing.
Add some baking soda to wash and rinse water.

152. Make a perfect sock darner.
Pull socks over a light bulb, makes it easy.

153. How to restore velvet like new.
Brush good and then hang in steamy bathroom.

154. Get rid of knots on sweaters.
Just rub a piece of sandpaper over sweater.

155. How to remove lint from wool.
Use a damp sponge and touch lightly.

156. Caring for leather upholstery.
Brush with skim milk every three months.

157. Repair scuffed patent leather.
Cover with same colour polish, let dry then cover with clear nail polish.

158. Prevent patent leather cracking.
Before each wearing, rub briskly with your hand, then a soft cloth.

159. Repair scuffed baby shoes.
Rub shoe with white of an egg.

160. Tips on buying shoes
Buy shoes in afternoon, feet tend to swell in the morning.

161. What to do when shoes get stiff
Cut a raw potato and rub all over. They will come back to life.

162. Black suede shoes last longer.
Wash with warm water then rub castor oil into leather.

163. How to soften leather shoes.
Sponge with black coffee.

164. Remove salt rings from shoes.
Brush with solution of vinegar and water.

165. Keep vegetables green while cooking.
Lift the lid of the cooking vessel from time to time while cooking.

166. Get juice from dried up lemon.
Boil it for a few minutes.

167. Quick onion rings.
Onions slice more easily, if you leave skins on while slicing.

168. How to kill taste of olive oil.
Add a touch of salt.

169. Good bread crumb substitute.
Potato chips, corn chips or pretzels.

170. How to keep your berries fresh.
Don.t wash until ready to use and keep in refrigerator until ready to use.

171. How to cut a soft pie.
Use a buttered knife to cut through a soft pie.

172. How to cut a frosted cake.
Rinse knife in hot water first each time you cut a slice.

173. How to make fluffy egg omelette.
Add a teaspoon of corn starch when mixing eggs.

174. Keep dressing from going rancid.
Put a spoon of sugar in it.

175. How to stop cabbage odours.
Throw a couple of walnut kernels in pot while cooking.

176. When you need soft butter quick..
If your butter is frozen, grate it, it.s the same as soft butter.

177. How to keep cauliflower white.
Pour a little milk in the water when boiling cauliflower.

178. When is the omelette done.
When you press it lightly and it springs back.

179. Keep milk from scorching.
Add a pinch of sugar while cooking and do not stir.

180. Cheese cutting tips.
A dull knife is more successful than a sharp one.

181. When you need an extra egg.
When you need an extra egg for a recipe add a little corn starch.

182. Peel onions without tears.
Let water run over them while peeling.

183. The proper way to ripen fruit.
Keep it out in open at room temperature.

184. How to pick fresh eggs.
Old eggs are shin, fresh eggs are rough and have bumps.

185. How to cut acidity in coffee.
Add a pinch of salt.

186. Good refrigerator deodoriser.
Keep an open box of baking soda in it at all times.

187. What to do about grease spills.
Pour ice water over it, it will lift off before it can soak in.

188. Make a good egg separator.
Crack egg, put in small funnel, white will come through separated from yoke.

189. Reduce wilting of root vegetables.
Cut off the tops as soon as you get them.

190. Keep vegetables fresh longer.
Put paper towels in bottom of bin. It will absorb moisture which causes decay.

191. How to keep meat fresh looking.
Cover the cut side with leaves of lettuce.

192. How to perk up wilted lettuce.
Soak in cold water with a dash of lemon juice, cool in refrigerator for 30 minutes.

193. Make frozen vegetables fresh.
Pour boiling water over them. Restores fresh taste.

194. The best way to slice onions.
Freezing them first.

195. Keep beets and cabbage red.
Add lemon juice or vinegar to the water.

196. Keep potatoes from sprouting.
Store apples with them.

197. Get rid of cooking odours.
Boil hand full of cloves in water for 30 minutes. All odours will disappear.

198. Truss poultry so it will stay.
Use dental floss, it will not burn.

199. Tell when custard is done.
Stick knife into custard, if it comes out clean, it is done

200. Tips for cutting hot cake.
Use a thread, hold both ends tightly and lower through slowly.

21 century...

Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless

Our boss - Brainless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Salary - Very less
Our Future - Hopeless!

30 Years difference


1974 : Long hair
2004: Longing for hair


1974: KEG
2004: EKG


1974: Acid rock
2004: Acid reflux


1974: Moving to California because it's cool
2004: Moving to California because it's warm


1974: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2004: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor


1974: Seeds and stems
2004: Roughage


1974: Hoping for a BMW
2004 Hoping for a BM


1974: The Grateful Dead
2004: Dr. Kevorkian


1974: Going to a new, hip joint
2004: Receiving a new hip joint


1974: Rolling Stones
2004: Kidney Stones


1974: Screw the system
2004: Upgrade the system


1974: Disco
2004: Costco


1974: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2004: Children begging you to get their heads shaved


1974: Passing the drivers' test
2004: Passing the vision test


1974: Whatever
2004: Depends




Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change
things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a
list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's
incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:


The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born
in 1985. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.


Their lifetime has always included AIDS.


Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.


The CD was introduced the year they were born.


They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable.


They cannot fathom not having a remote control.


Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.


Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.


They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.


They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.


They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.


They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or
"de plane Boss, de plane".



They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.


McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.


They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.


Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.
Notice the larger type, that's for those of you who have trouble reading.

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

Watch the sunset together.

2. Whisper to each other.

3. Cook for each other.

4. Walk in the rain.

5. Hold hands

6. Buy gifts for each other.

7. Roses.

8. Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you're together.

9. Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.

10. Write poetry for each other.

11. Hugs are the universal medicine.

12. Say only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it.

13. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/poetry etc.

14. Tell her that she's the only girl you ever want. Don't lie!

15. Spend every second possible together.

16. Look into each other's eyes.

17. Very lightly push up her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, and kiss her lightly.


18. When in public, only flirt with each other.

19. Put love notes in their pockets when they aren't looking.

20. Buy her a ring.

21. Sing to each other.

22. Always hold her around her hips/sides.

23. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal.

24. Spaghetti? (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?)

25. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart.

26. Dance together.

27. I love the way a girl looks right after she's fallen asleep with her head in my lap.

28. Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it.

29. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes

30. Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you.

31. Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them.

32. Remember your dreams and tell her about them.

34. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.

35. Be Prince Charming to her parents.

36. Brush her hair out of her face for her.

37. Hang out with his/her friends.

38. Go to church/pray/worship together.

39. Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked.

40. Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice.

41. Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.

42. Make sacrifices for each other.

43. Really love each other, or don't stay together.

44. Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it.

45. Love yourself before you love anyone else.

46. Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages.

47. Dedicate songs to them on the radio.

48. Fall asleep on the phone with each other.

49. Stand up for them when someone talks trash.

50. Never forget the kiss goodnight and always remember to say, "Sweet dreams."

9 THINGS GOD WON'T ASK on that judgment day...



1. God won't ask what kind of car you drove; He'll ask how many
people you drove who didn't have transportation.


2. God won't ask the square footage of your house, He'll ask how
many people you welcomed into your home.



3. God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet, He'll
ask how many you helped to clothe.



4. God won't ask what your highest salary was; He'll ask if you
compromised your character to obtain it, and performed your job to the
best of your ability.



5. God won't ask how many friends you had; He'll ask how many
people to whom you were a friend.



6. God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, He'll ask how
you treated your neighbors.



7. God won't ask about the color of your skin, He'll ask about
the content of your character.



8. God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation;
He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of
Hell.



9.God won't have to ask how many people you forwarded this to.
He already knows whether you will or not.

9 Things I Hate About Everyone


1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?


2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.


3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".?Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?


4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!


5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.


6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?


7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.


8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?


9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Listen to this ....
This makes you think !!!

If we could shrink the earth's population to a village
of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human
ratios remaining the same, it would look something
like the following :
There would be:

57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be non-white
30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's
wealth and all 6 would be from the United States.
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you woke up this morning with more health than
illness...you are more blessed than the million who
will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle,
the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture,
or the pangs of starvation...you are ahead of 500
million people in the world.

If you can attend a relgous meeting without fear of
harassment, arrest, torture, or death...you are more
blessed than three billion people in the world.

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your
back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep...you are
richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and
spare change in a dish someplace ... you are among the
top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If your parents are still alive and still married ...
you are very rare, even in the United States and
Canada.

If you can read this message, you just received a
double blessing in that someone was thinking of you,
and furthermore, you are more blessed than over two
billion people in the world that cannot read at all.

Someone once said: What goes around comes around.

Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

Dear Sirs:
I am writing in response to George Watkin's recent request for
additional information in Block 13 of the accident reporting
form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You
said in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust
that the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer working for Fletch Waggoner on his new
building. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the
roof of the 6th story. When I completed my work, I discovered I
had about 500 lbs. of bricks left over. Rather than carry the
bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using
a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the side of the
building at the 6th floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I
went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks
into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope,
holding it tightly to insure a slow decent of the 500 lbs. of
bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident reporting form
that my weight is 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked
off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot
to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather
rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the
3rd floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding in a
downward direction at an equally impressive rate of speed. This
explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the broken
collar bone, as listed in Sec. III of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping
until the fingers of my right hand were 2 knuckles deep into the
pulley, which I mentioned in Paragraph 13 of this correspondence.
Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and
was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the
excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At approx.
the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground - and
the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of
the bricks, the barrel now weighed approx. 50 lbs. I refer you
again to my weight in Block 11.

As you might imagine, I began a rapid decent down the side of the
building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, I met the barrel
coming up. This accounts for the 2 fractured ankles, broken
tooth, severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my
luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into
the pile of bricks and fortunately only cracked 3 vertebrae.

I am sorry to report, that as I lay there in the pile of bricks
in pain, unable to move, and watching the empty barrel 6 stories
above me, I again lost my presence of mind and let go of the
rope..........

EXCUSES

The following is a collection of "actual excuse notes from parents
(including spelling)" from the Office of Educational Assessment at
the University of Washington.

* My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today.
Please execute him.
* Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her
shot.
* Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,
30, 31,32, and also 33.
* Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
* Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he
fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
* John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his
face.
* Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He
was hurt in the growing part.
* Megan could not come to school today because she has been
bothered by very close veins.
* Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
* Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea
and his boots leak.
* Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
* Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
* Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot
to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it
Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
* Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend
her funeral.
* My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She
spent a weekend with the Marines.
* Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold
and could not breed well.
* Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed
with gramps.
* Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
* Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
* Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever,
sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also
sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever
and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and
fever. There must be something going around, her father even
got hot last night.

Something went wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?
Stud Tires Out
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Eye Drops Off Shelf
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found By Tree
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Line
Killer Sentenced to Die For Second Time in 10 Years
Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Deer Kill 17,000
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Man Minus Ear Waves Hearing
Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing
Air Head Fired
Steals Clock, Faces Time
Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Bank Drive-in Windows Blocked By Board
Hospitals are sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
Include your Children when Baking Cookies










Seth Croston Barber <kn1ght@cyberis.net>
Last modified: Wed Oct 06 13:29:35 PDT 1999

THE FOLLOWING ARE ACTUAL STATEMENTS FOUND ON INSURANCE FORMS WHERE CAR DRIVERS
ATTEMPTED TO SUMMARIZE THE DETAILS OF AN ACCIDENT IN THE FEWEST WORDS POSSIBLE.
THE INSTANCES OF FAULTY WRITING SERVE TO CONFIRM THAT EVEN INCOMPETENT WRITING
MAY BE HIGHLY ENTERTAINING!

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't
have.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of it's intentions.

I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head
through it.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit
him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and
headed over the embankment.

In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached
an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the
other car.

I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an
accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint
gave way causing me to have an accident.

As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no
stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the
accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

I told the police that I was not injured but on removing my hat, found that I
had fractured my skull.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road
when I struck him.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my
car.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big
mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by
some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching, I was attempting to swerve out of it's way
when it struck the front end.
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open


1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year 6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 9. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (I bet that hurt) 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 23. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. The best one I ever actually saw was at the S. Nassau Hospital outpatient mental health clinic where someone had transcribed a psychiatrist's order as: "patient to have an enema of the brain" when what he ordered was an MRI of the brain.

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:


"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
of this airplane..."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event
of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke,
contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing
of the airplane."

"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in
the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going
to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish,
but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold
outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We
hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you
for a ride."

As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross
in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve
luggage from the overhead bins. The head attendant announced on the
intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system
that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in
their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the
gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft.

Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising
altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to
autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for
the rest of the flight."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the
overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before
assisting children or adults acting like children."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
"Last one off the plane must clean it."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have
some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none
of them are on this flight...!"

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in
Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
"That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to
tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault,
it wasn't the flight attendants' fault.....it was the asphalt!"

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the
gate!"

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We
ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
terminal."

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,
sure as hell everything has shifted."

From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight
XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the
buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if
you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in
public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask,
and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with
you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are
traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest
Airlines."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said
that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking
with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no
Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we
land or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came
on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until
Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the
warning bells are silent, we'll open the door and you can pick your way
through the wreckage to the terminal.

Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the
insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
tube, we hope you'll think of us here at USAirways."

Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don't.

Taco Bell changed the Chilito's name to the Chili Cheese Burrito, only after
discovering that "chilito" was a derogatory slang term in Spanish that meant
"small penis."

In many cultures, an unmarried woman is considered a virgin, even if she's a
prostitute. It's only after marriage that she loses her virginity.

A law in Fairbanks, Alaska does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.

Studies prove it¹s harder to tell a convincing lie to someone you find
sexually attractive.

66% pet owners claim they allowed their pets to remain in the bedroom during
lovemaking.

"Anorgasmy" is the clinical term for the inability to achieve orgasm.

Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200.

Average speed of male ejaculation: 28 miles per hour.

About 50% of women have one breast that is larger than the other.

Ancient Greeks admired the small firm penis, and considered the large member
aesthetically unappealing.

The word "vanilla" comes from the Latin word for vagina, because of the
vanilla pod's resemblance to the female genitalia.

The left testicle usually hangs lower than the right, although the reverse
may be true of left-handed men.

In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver
inside a tollbooth.

The word "gymnasium" comes from the Greek word gymnazein which means "to
exercise naked."

It takes just 35 days for a mouse to reach sexual maturity. It takes a
female gorilla six years to reach sexual maturity.

In 1709 it was believed that the widespread infertility of Spanish women was
due to singing during sex.

"Erotodromomania" is the abnormal impulse to travel to escape painful sexual
situations.

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while
standing in front of a man's picture.

A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man
while riding in an ambulance.

The clinical term for a hairy buttocks is "daysypgal."

The Netherlands has the lowest incidence of teen pregnancies, abortions and
sexually transmitted diseases among Western nations.

An adulterous Greek male was sometimes punished by the removal of his pubic
hair and the insertion of a large radish into his rectum.

Ultrasound tests have revealed that male fetuses have the capability for
erections in the last trimester of gestation.

The well-recognized Egyptian Ankh is actually a symbol representing the male
and female sex organs the upper oval represents the womb of the woman, and
the lower vertical line represents the sexual organ of the male.

More than 110 billion Tampax tampons have been sold since 1936.

The first automatic vibrator was invented in 1869 and was steam powered. It
was used to treat female disorders.

The gestation period of the macaque is 160 days. For sheep, it¹s 150 days.
For dogs, it¹s 61 days.

According to Kinsey, half of the men raised on farms have had a sexual
encounter with an animal.

Odors that increase blood flow to the penis: lavender, licorice, chocolate,
doughnuts, pumpkin pie.

The average teaspoon of semen contains 5-7 calories.

The origin of the word "penis" is Latin, meaning "tail."

About 100 calories are burned during human sexual intercourse.

"Passion purpura" is the medical term for a hickey.



Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star.



Odds of being killed by falling out of bed- 1 in 2
million.

The average person swallows three spiders annually.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture
dealer.

Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His
parents thought he might be retarded.

The Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota is the
size of 78football fields --- 9.5 million square feet.


A-1 Steak Sauce contains both orange peels and
raisins.

Two out of five husbands tell their wife daily that
they love them.

Beaver Cleaver's locker number was #9

The most collect calls are made on Father's Day.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

George Washington grew marijuana in his garden.


Americans use over 16,000 tons of aspirin a year.

All elephants walk on tiptoe, because the back portion
of
their foot is made up of all fat and no bone.

"Ancient Chinese Proverbs"



Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.


Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.


Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are
afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten
apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.So the apples at the
top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave
enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Barney, the cute purple dinosaur, is Satan.

Proof:

Given: Barney is a cute purple dinosaur.

Extract the Roman numerals:
(and remember that the Romans had no letter 'U',
they used 'V' instead)

CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
CV V L DI V

Add them:
100 + 5 + 5 + 50 + 500 + 1 + 5 = 666


Q. E. D. We suspected it all along.

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to
teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes
to criticize. Hardworking and
productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts.
Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather
reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds.
Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal.
Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money
cautious.
_______________________________________________
FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and
clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy
and humble. Honest
and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when
restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry
really easily but thoes not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves
making friends but rarely
shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside.
Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
_________________________________
MARCH:
Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate.Shy and reserved. Secretive.
Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity.
Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy.
Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others.
Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention.
Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented.
Loves special things. Moody.
_________________________________
APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret.
Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention.
Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and
fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional.
Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others.
Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their luver
can see.
_________________________________
MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp
thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep
feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no
motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong
clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good
imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts.
Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children.
Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
_________________________________
JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and
soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends
to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and
humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer.
Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily
hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom
shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive.
Stubborn.
_________________________________
JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.
Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation.
Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful.
Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and
easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and
mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving.
Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges
people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves
to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be
quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not
aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems.
Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
_________________________________
AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless.
Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous
and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises.
Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous.
Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves
to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and
defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns
to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make
friends .
_________________________________
SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to
point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to
talk
well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed.
Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive.
Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for
information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate
oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure
and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very
choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
_________________________________
OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at
the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't
pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making
friends.
Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of
what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to
travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves
outdoors. Just and fair.
Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
_________________________________
NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique
and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong
clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive.
Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but
amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is
a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry
unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others.
Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises.
High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic.
Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities.
Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions.
Unpredictable
_________________________________
DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be
with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved.
Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing
personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions.
Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical

Dance Like No One's Watching
By: Crystal Boyd

We convince ourselves that life will be better after
we get married, have a baby, then another.
Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough

and we'll be more content when they are.

After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to
deal with.
We will certainly be happy when they are out of that
stage.
We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our
spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer
car, are able to go on a nice vacation,or when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now.
If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges.
It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be
happy anyway.
Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have
and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special,
special enough to spend your time with...and remember that time
waits for no one.

So, stop waiting

--until your car or home is paid off
--until you get a new car or home
--until your kids leave the house
--until you go back to school
--until you lose ten pounds
--until you gain ten pounds
--until you finish school
--until you get a divorce
--until you get married
--until you have kids
--until you retire
--until summer
--until spring
--until winter
--until fall
--until you die

There is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

So -- work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching.

Chinese Food To Eat In Or Take Out





Soups
  Dropped Egg Soup   1.75
  *One Ton Soup   1.75
  Hot & Scalding Soup   2.25
  Ten Ingredients Water   3.25
  Sweet and Salmonella Soup   2.95
  *Chinese Fire Drill Soup   2.50
  *Happy Bacteria Cup   2.50


Appetizers
  Steam-Cleaned Dumplings   3.95
  *Burn Your Tongue Platter   8.95
  Barbecued Bear Ribs   6.30
  *Scallion Cow Pancakes (For Two)   2.95
  MSG With Orange Flavor   4.95


Noodles
  *Cellophane Noodles with Styrofoam Peanuts   5.50
  Cold Noodles in Sesame Sauce   3.50
  Some Glum Noodles   8.25
  No Fun Noodles   4.75


Pork
  New Shoe Pork   6.75
  Roasted Pork in Shriner Hat   6.95
  Recently Shampooed Pork   6.95
  Andrew Diced Pork   9.75
  *Roast Pork Puppy Chow   7.25
  *Porky Pig Cartoonese Style   7.50
  Pork And Mindy   6.75


Vegetables
  *Broccoli in Human Sauce   5.95
  Shredded Documents with Peking sauce   5.25
  *Bean Crud with Special Rotting Fungus   6.25
  *Snow Shovel with Peas   7.75
  Egg Neil Young Green Beans with Black Bean Sauce   4.95
  Black Beans with Green Bean Suace   5.95
  Eggplant Prepared Under Mysterious Circumstances   5.95
  *Baby Corn with Adoption Papers   4.95
  Vegetables with Tingling Horse Flavor   5.50
  Vegetables with Green Bean Suace   5.95


Poultry
  Sand Diego Chicken with Pin Tar   6.25.
  Battering Ram Chicken   6.25
  Peeking Daffy Duck   7.50
  *Lemon Pledge Chicken   6.25
  Amazing Talking Chicken   8.75
  *Tongue Licked Duck   7.50
  Chicken & Grief   6.25
  Duck Edwing Prepared in Questionable Taste   6.25
  *Chicken Escaping With Wings   7.75
  Mocked Duck   7.25
  *General Schwarzkopf Chicken   6.75
  Goofy Grinning Chicken   6.75
  Innocent Bystander Chicken   6.25
  Moo Goo Guy Williams   8.75
  *Moo Goo Guy Molinari   8.25
  Moo Goo Guy Pan & Teller in Disappearing Sauce   4.50

Go ahead - check out your birth date and see what you're all
about.....
Birthdays: (Look below for your characteristics)
January 01 - 09 ~ Dog
January 10 - 24 ~ Mouse
January 25 - 31 ~ Lion
February 01 - 05 ~ Cat
February 06 - 14 ~ Dove
February 15 - 21 ~ Turtle
February 22 - 28 ~ Panther
March 01 - 12 ~ Monkey
March 13 - 15 ~ Lion
March 16 - 23 ~ Mouse
March 24 - 31 ~ Cat
April 01 - 03 ~ Dog
April 04 - 14 ~ Panther
April 15 - 26 ~ Mouse
April 27 - 30 ~ Turtle
May 01 - 13 ~ Monkey
May 14 - 21 ~ Dove
May 22 - 31 ~ Lion
June 01 - 03 ~ Mouse
June 04 - 14 ~ Turtle
June 15 - 20 ~ Dog
June 21 - 24 ~ Monkey
June 25 - 30 ~ Cat
July 01 - 09 ~ Mouse
July 10 - 15 ~ Dog
July 16 - 26 ~ Dove
July 27 - 31 ~ Cat
August 01 - 15 ~ Monkey
August 16 - 25 ~ Mouse
August 26 - 31 ~ Turtle
September 01 - 14 ~ Dove
September 15 - 27 ~ Cat
September 28 - 30 ~ Dog
October 01 - 15 ~ Monkey
October 16 - 27 ~ Turtle
October 28 - 31 ~ Panther
November 01 - 16 ~ Lion
November 17 - 30 ~ Cat
December 01 - 16 ~ Dog
December 17 - 25 ~ Monkey
December 26 - 31 ~ Dove
If you are a Dog: A very loyal and sweet person. Your
loyalty can
never
be doubted. You are quite honest and sincere when it
comes to your
attitude
towards working. You are a very simple person, indeed.
Absolutely hassle
free, humble and down-to-earth!! That explains the
reason why your
friends
cling on to you! You have a good taste for clothes. If
your wardrobe is
not
updated with what is trendy, you sure are depressed.
Popular and
easy-going. You have a little group of dignified
friends, all of them
being
quality-personified.
If you are a Mouse: Always up to some sort of a
mischief! The
mischievous
gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute and
attractive to everyone.
You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person. No
wonder, people
seek
for your company and look forward to include you for
all get-togethers.
However, you are sensitive, which is a drawback.
People need to select
their words while talking to you. If someone tries to
fiddle around and
play with words while dealing with you, it is enough
to invite your
wrath.
God bless the person then!
If you are a Lion: Quite contradictory to your name,
you are a peace
loving person. You best try to avoid a situation
wherein you are required
to fight. An outdoor person, you dislike sitting at
one place for a long
duration. You are a born leader, and have it in you
how to tactfully
derive
work from people. You love being loved, and when you
receive your share
of
limelight from someone, you are all theirs!!!! Well,
well... hence some
people could even take an advantage, flatter you to
the maximum and get
their work done. So be careful.....
If you are a Cat: An extremely lovable, adorable
person, sometimes
shy,
with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer
quietness. You love
exploring various things and going into depth of each
thing. Under normal
circumstances you're cool, when given a reason to, you
are like a volcano
waiting to erupt. You're a fashion bird. People look
forward to you as an
icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle
along freely but
don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very
easy in your company.
You
observe care in choosing your friends.
If you are a Turtle: You are near to perfect and nice
at >heart. The
examples of your kindness are always circulated in
groups of people. You,
too, love peace. You wouldn't like to retaliate even
to a person who is
in
the wrong. You are loved due to this. You do not wish
to talk behind
one's
back. People love the way you always treat them. You
can give, give and
give love, and the best part is that you do not expect
it back in return.
You are generous enough. Seeing things in a practical
light is what
remains
the best trait of you guys.
If you are a Dove: You symbolize a very happy-go-lucky
approach in
life.
Whatever the surroundings may be, grim or cheerful,
you remain
unaffected.
In fact, you spread cheer wherever you go. You are the
leader of your
group
of friends and good at consoling people in their times
of need. You
dislike
hypocrisy and tend to shirk away from hypocrites. They
can never be in
your
good books, no matter what. You are very methodical
and organized in your
work. No amount of mess, hence, can ever encompass
you. Beware, it is
easy
for you to fall in love....
If you are a Panther: You are mysterious. You are
someone who can
handle
pressure with ease, and can handle any atmosphere
without going berserk.
You can be mean at times, and love to gossip with your
selected group.
Very
prim and proper. You like all situations and things to
be in the way you
desire, which, sometimes is not possible. As a result,
you may lose out
in
some relationships. But otherwise, you love to help
people out from
difficult and tight spots when they really need you.
If you are a Monkey: Very impatient and hyper!!! You
want things to
be
done as quick as possible. At heart, you are quite
simple and love if you
are the center of attraction. That way, you people are
unique. You would
like to keep yourself safe from all the angles. Shall
your name be
dragged
or featured in any sort of a controversy, you then go
all panicky.
Therefore, you take your precautions from the very
beginning. When you
foresee anything wrong, your sixth sense is what saves
you from falling
in
traps. Quite a money minded bunch you people are!!

>
> The birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our in
> born abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the
> challenges we are facing.
>
> To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in (your) birth date
> together like in the example until there is only one digit. The Birth
Number
> does not prevent you from being anything you want, it will just color your
> choice differently.
>
> Example: March 20, 1950
>
> 3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973 = 1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20 = 2 + 0 = 2
>
> 2 is the Birth Number to read for the birth date in the example.
>
>
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
>
>
>
> # 1 THE ORIGINATOR :
>
> 1's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is
> natural.Having things their own way is another trait that gets them
labeled
> as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to
> learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are
often
> leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is
> definitely helpful for them.
> Lesson to learn: Others' ideas might be just as good or better and to stay
> open minded.
> Famous 1's: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett,
> Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.
>
>
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
>
> # 2 THE PEACEMAKER :
>
> 2's are the born diplomats. They aware of others' needs and moods and
> often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very
> intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is
very
> important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other
hand
> they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being
> naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express
> themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off.
> Famous 2's: Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoppi Goldberg, Thomas Edison,
> Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
>
>
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
>
> # 3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY :
>
>
> 3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming,
romantic,
> and easygoing. They start many things, but don't always see them through.
> They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They
are
> very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a
more
> realistic point of view.
> Famous 3's: Alan Alda, Ann Landers, Bill Crosby, Melanie Griffith,
> Salvador Dali, Jody Foster.
>
>
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
>
> # 4 THE CONSERVATIVE :
>
> 4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They
> only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They
like
> getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the
> outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and
can
> be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to
be
> nice to themselves.
>
> Famous 4's: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger,
> Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey.
>
>
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
>
> # 5 THE NONCONFORMIST :
>
> 5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and
> enthusiasm often lands them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't
> like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a
> arning
> possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well
> advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the
> facts before jumping to conclusions.
> Famous 5's: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter,
Vincent
> Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hamil.
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
>
> # 6 THE ROMANTIC :
>
> 6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong
family
> connection is important to them. Their emotions influence their decisions.
> They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very
> loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal
> friends who take the friendship seriously. 6's should learn to
differentiate
> between what they can change and what they cannot.
> Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Streep,
> Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn.
>
>
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
>
> # 7 THE INTELLECTUAL :
>
> 7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they
find
> it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their
> decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be
questioned
> themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and
> steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers and being very
> knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically clined and
make
> great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in
> their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what not in the
> world at large.
> Famous 7's: William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan
> Baez, Princess Diana.
>
>
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
>
> # 8 THE BIG SHOT :
>
> 8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the
> point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grandiose plans and
> like to live the good life. They are take charge people. They view people
> objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the
boss.
> They should learn to base their decisions on their own needs rather that
on
> what others want.
> Famous 8's: Edgar Cayce, Barbra Streisand, George Harrison, Jane
Fonda,
> Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus.
>
>
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
>
> #9 THE PERFORMER :
>
> 9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous,
giving
> away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem
> making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many
different
> personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them.
> They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have
> tremendous luck, but also can suffer
> from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a
> loving foundation.
> Famous 9's: Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford,
Gloria
> Steinem, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley.

Your birthday......

December 23rd~ January 1st = Red
January 2nd ~ January 11th = Orange
January 12th ~ January 24th = Yellow
January 25th ~ February 3rd = Pink
February 4th ~ February 8th = Blue
February 9th ~ February 18th = Green
February 19th ~ February 28th = Brown
February 1st ~ March 10th = Aqua
March 11th ~ March 20th = Lime
March 21st = Black
March 22nd ~ March 31st = Purple
April 1st ~ April 10th = Navy
April 11th ~ April 20th = Silver
April 21st ~ April 30th = White
May 2st ~ May 14th = Blue
May 15th ~ May 24th = Gold
May 25th ~ June 3rd = Cream
June 4th ~ June 13th = Grey
June 14th ~ June 23rd = Maroon
June 24th = Grey
June 25th ~ July 4th = Red
July 5th ~ July 14th = Orange
July 15th ~ July 25th = Yellow
July 26th ~ August 4th = Pink
August 5th ~ August 13th = Blue
August 14th ~ August 23rd = Green
August 24th ~ September 2nd = Brown
September 3rd ~ Septemeber 12th = Aqua
September 13th ~ September 22nd = Lime
September 23rd = Olive
September 24th ~October 3rd = Purple
October 4th ~ October 13th = Navy
October 14th ~ October 23rd = Silver
October 24th ~November 11th = White
November 12th ~ November 21st = Gold
November22nd ~ December 1st = Cream
December 2nd ~ December 11th = Grey
December 12th~ December 21st = Maroon
Decmeber 22nd = Teal

*RED*

Cute and lovable type, You are picky but always in
love...and liked to be loved. Fresh and cheerful,
but can be "moody" at times. Capable with people
nice, soft, and that can love you for the way you
are. Likes people that are easy to talk to, and can
make you feel comfortable.

*CREAM*

Competitive and sportive. Don't like losing and
always cheerful! You are trustworthy, and very out
going. You choose love carefully, and don't fall in
love easily. But once you find the right one, you
don't let go for a long long time.

*TEAL*

You are mostly interested in your looks. And have
high standards in picking love. You think and make a
solution precisely, and hardly make stupid mistakes.
You like to lead, and is easy for you to make new
friends.

*GREY*

You are attractive, and active. You never hide your
feelings, and express everything thats inside. But
can be selfish at times. You want to be noticed, and
don't like to be treated un eqaully. You can
brighten up people's day. You know what to say at
the right time, and you have good sense of humour.

*GREEN*

You get along well with new people You are not
really a shy person, but sometimes you can hurt
people's feelings by your words... You like to be
loved and noticed by your lover, but mostly you are
single waiting for the right person.

*GOLD*

You know what's right and what's wrong. You are
cheerful and out going. It's hard for you to find
the one you want, but once you find the right
person, you won't be able to fall in love again for
a long time.

*PINK*

You are always trying your best in everything, and
like to help and care for other people. But you are
not easily satisfied. You have negative thoughts,
and you look for romantic love like in a fairytale.

*YELLOW*

You are sweet and innocent. Trusted by many people,
and have a strong leadership towards relationships.
You make good decision and make the right choice at
the right time. And always dreaming of romactic
relationship.

*MAROON*

You are intellegent, and know what's right. You
like to make things go your way, which can sometimes
cause trouble for not thinking about other people's
feelings. But you be patient when it comes to
love... Once you get a hold of the right person,
it's hard for you to find a better love.

*ORANGE*

You are responsible for your own actions, and you
know how to treat people. You always have goals to
reach, and are competitive. When it comes to
friendship, you find it hard to trust someone, but
once you find the right friend, you trust them for
ever.

*PURPLE*

You are mysterious, never selfish and get
interested in things easily. Your day can be sad or
happy depending on your mood. You are popular
between friends but you can act stupid at times, and
forget things easily. You go for person that's
trustworthy.

*LIME*

You are calm, but easily stressed out. You get
jealous easily, and complain over little things. You
cant get stuck into one thing, but you have a
capable personality for everyone to trust you and
like you.

*SILVER*

You are imaginative and shy, but you like trying
new things. You like to challenge yourself. You
learn things easily, and like "Hard to get". Your
love life are normally hard and confusing.

*BLACK*

You are challenging, and have the "guts". But you
don't like changes in your life. And once you make a
decision, you keep it that way for a long time. Your
love life is also challenging, and different.

*OLIVE*

You are warm and light hearted. You seem to flow
well with friends and family. You don't like
violence and know what's right. You are kind and
cheerful, but don't envy other people easily.

*BROWN*

You are active and sportive. It's hard for other
people to become close with you, but you fall in
love easily. But once you find out you can't get
something, you give up and let go easily as well.

*BLUE*

You have low self-esteem, and very picky. You are
artistic and like to fall in love, but you let your
love pass by, by loving with your mind, not your
heart.

*NAVY*

You are attractive, and love your life. You have a
strong feeling towards everything. And very easily
distracted.Once you get angry at someone, its hard
for you to forgive them.

*WHITE*

You dream and have goals in your life. You get
jealous easily and you don't react to things easily.
You are different and sometimes thought highly by
others.

*AQUA*

Your feelings change suddenly and easily. You are
always lonley, and like travelling. You are
truthful, but listen and believe other people too
easily. It's hard to find love for you, and get lost
in love easily, Sometimes get hurt by love.

In the human species, Reason becomes seeded with
the first breath of life on a specific date. The birthpath,
calculated from the day, month, and year of birth,
reveals the path in life for each person to walk and the
lessons to be learned. The potential indicated
by the birthpath consists of qualities to be developed
through one's thinking and the resultant actions.

To calculate your birthpath, add the month, the day,
and year and reduce the number to a single digit between
one and nine.

December 12, 1975
12 + 12 + 1975 = 1999
1 + 9 + 9 + 9 = 28
2 + 8 = 1 birthpath

A person born December 12, 1975, is a 1 birthpath.
Calculate your own birthpath using the method above.

Whether one's birthpath expresses depends upon the
name given, for the name creates one's personality and
is the compelling force. The birthpath is only a potential
until understood and expressed through mind.

1 birthpath
The 1 represents the quality of an awakening
intellectual power seeking to understand the
fundamental natural laws of life. The 1's are leaders and
explorers and they are naturally inventive along practical
lines. They learn through their own experiences. In work
they must hold positions in which they can give orders
instead of take them, and in which their independence is
not curtailed. They are self-reliant and strong-willed--the
qualities of a leader.

2 birthpath
The 2 is the peace maker and diplomat. Their lesson
is to meet and mix with people, to understand their
hearts and minds, and to help people in the solution of
their problems. As the 2 is naturally impressionable to
environment and association, they must learn to be
individual and not unduly influenced by others. The 2's
are extremely sensitive, understanding, and generous.
Their lesson is to understand the points of view
of others and to create harmony between people
through that understanding.

3 birthpath
Self-statement is the 3's keynote. They excel in
vocal statement, public speaking, art, drama, or as
entertainers, humourists, and sales people. Their
lesson is to use the power of the word to inspire and lift
others to see a happier, objective perspective of life. The
3's are congenial in association and cosmopolitan in nature.
They have a love for all people and desire to help
others.

4 birthpath
The 4 quality symbolizes a power in its technical
and scientific statement; it brings into being a very
systematic, technical, stable, patient, and scientifically
analytical nature. The 4 seeks an understanding of life,
delving into matter and form, searching for the secrets
of nature in materiality. The keynote of the 4 is
practicality; and their duty is to find a basic principle
governing matter and form.

5 birthpath
The 5 quality represents change--a step above the
technical phase. The 5's must seek a definite Spiritual
Principle and apply it; thereby developing the intellect
and seeking new ideas, new meanings, and theories, to
bring improvement to life. The 5's tend to champion the
less fortunate. They are quick thinkers, always searching
for a reason for things. They seek the truth. As they
love change, travel, and new experiences, they should not
be placed in positions requiring detailed routine that is
monotonous.

6 birthpath
The 6 symbolizes maturity and responsibility; it is the
number of the mind and signifies growth to the point
where mind begins to search within for the reason of
being and realizes its responsibility to humankind.
The 6's have the mental quickness and the analytical
ability of the 5, but without the 5's restlessness and
impulsiveness intensity. They desire to assume
responsibilities for others. Their love is more
universal, with an intense desire to serve. They carry
responsibility better than any other quality.

7 birthpath
The 7 is the quality of the philosopher and writer.
Their duty is to tune the mind to harmony and
balance for receiving impressions from within; for this
the mind must be placid and at peace. The 7's
keynote is placidity. The 7's deeply appreciate
the beauties of nature; they delight in mystery and
are naturally drawn to philosophy and the occult.
They should spend time in meditation and
reflection, and write down their thoughts.

8 birthpath
The 8 symbolizes a power that comes to demonstrate
the spiritual law in service to humanity. They are
the born executives and national leaders, and should
occupy positions where they can administer justice
and equality for all and work to create a just and balanced
economic system. The 8's should never be
subservient to others. They seem to understand
people and have the ability to direct others and to hold
positions of great responsibility.

9 birthpath
The 9 includes all the other qualities within itself. They
are born to serve others along the path of wisdom as
spiritual leaders and teachers. They are very sensitive
and inspirational. Their talents are many and varied,
covering the inspirational vocations or in business where
they have the opportunity to be of service to people in
some way--in charitable institutions, hospitals, or in
education or law. The 9's are charming, affectionate, and
respond quickly to kindness. The path of the 9 is the
highest and most inspirational, but it is the most
difficult to live.

God : Hello. Did you call me?

Me: Called you? No.. who is this?

God : This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.

Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.

God : What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.

Me: Don't know. But I cant find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.

God : Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.

Me: I understand. But I still can't figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

God : Well I wanted to resolve your! fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.

Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?

God : Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.

Me: why are we then constantly unhappy?

God : Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.

Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

God : Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty..

God : Pain is inevit! able, but suffering is optional.

Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

God : Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.

Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?

God : Yes. In every terms, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.

Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why cant we be free from problems?

God : Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you! are free from problems.

Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading..

God : If you look outside you will not know where you are heading.Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.

Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?

God : Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.

Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

God : Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.

Me: What surprises you about people?

God : when they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.

Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I cant get the answer.

God : Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

Me: How can I get the best out of life?

God : Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

God : There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.

Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat.

God : Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live. "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that took our breath away!

> > > This tantra totem has been sent to you for good
> > > luck. It has been sent
> > > around the world ten times so far. You will receive
> > > good luck within
> > > four days of relaying this tantra totem.
> > >
> > > Send copies to people you think need good luck.
> > > Don't send money as fate
> > > has no price.
> > >
> > > Do not keep this message. The tantra totem must
> > > leave your hands in 96
> > > hours. You will get a very pleasant surprise. This
> > > is true, even if you
> > > are not superstitious.
> > >
> > > ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it
> > > cheerfully.
> > >
> > > TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you
> > > get older, their
> > > conversational skills will be as important as any
> > > other.
> > >
> > > THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you
> > > have or sleep all you
> > > want.
> > >
> > > FOUR. When you say, "I love you", mean it.
> > >
> > > FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in
> > > the eye.
> > >
> > > SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get
> > > married.
> > >
> > > SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.!
> > >
> > > EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who
> > > don't have dreams
> > > don't have much.
> > >
> > > NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get
> > > hurt but it's the only
> > > way to live life completely.
> > >
> > > TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name
> > > calling.
> > >
> > > ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
> > >
> > > TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
> > >
> > > THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't
> > > want to answer,
> > > smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
> > >
> > > FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great
> > > achievements involve great
> > > risk.
> > >
> > > FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone
> > > sneeze.
> > >
> > > SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
> > >
> > > SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self;
> > > Respect for others;
> > > Responsibility for all your actions.
> > >
> > > EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great
> > > friendship.
> > >
> > > NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake,
> > > take immediate steps
> > > to correct it.
> > >
> > > TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller
> > > will hear it in your
> > > voice.
> > >
> > > TWENTY ONE. Spend some time alone.
> > >
> > > Now, here's the FUN part!
> > >
> > > Send this to at least 5 people and your life will
> > > improve.
> > >
> > > 0-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.
> > >
> > > 5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.
> > >
> > > 9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in
> > > the next 3 weeks
> > >
> > > 15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and
> > > everything you ever
> > > dreamed of will begin to take shape.

HINESE HOROSCOPES

RAT
1900Jan.31 - 1901Feb.18
1912Feb.18 - 1913Feb.05
1924Feb.05 - 1925Jan.24
1936Jan.24 - 1937Feb.10
1948Feb.10 - 1949Jan.28
1960Jan.28 - 1961Feb.14
1972Feb.15 - 1973Feb.02
1984Feb.02 - 1985Feb.19
1996Feb.19 - 1997Feb.07

OX
1901Feb.19 - 1902Feb.07
1913Feb.06 - 1914Jan.25
1925Jan.25 - 1926Feb.12
1937Feb.11 - 1938Jan.30
1949Jan.29 - 1950Feb.16
1961Feb.15 - 1962Feb.04
1973Feb.03 - 1974Jan.22
1985Feb.20 - 1986Feb.08
1997Feb.08 - 1998Jan.27


TIGER
1902Feb.08 - 1903Jan.28
1914Jan.26 - 1915Feb.13
1926Feb.13 - 1927Feb.01
1938Jan.31 - 1939Feb.18
1950Feb.17 - 1951Feb.05
1962Feb.05 - 1963Jan.24
1974Jan.23 - 1975Feb.10
1986Feb.09 - 1987Jan.28
1998Jan.28 - 1999Feb.05


RABBIT
1903Jan.29 - 1904Feb.15
1915Feb.14 - 1916Feb.02
1927Feb.02 - 1928Jan.22
1939Feb.19 - 1940Feb.07
1951Feb.06 - 1952Jan.26
1963Jan.25 - 1964Feb.12
1975Feb.11 - 1976Jan.30
1987Jan.29 - 1988Feb.16
1999Feb.06 - 2000Feb.04

DRAGON
1904Feb.16 - 1905Feb.03
1916Feb.03 - 1917Jan.22
1928Jan.23 - 1929Feb.09
1940Feb.08 - 1941Jan.26
1952Jan.27 - 1953Feb.13
1964Feb.13 - 1965Feb.01
1976Jan.31 - 1977Feb.17
1988Feb.17 - 1989Feb.05
2000Feb.05 - 2001Jan.23

SNAKE
1905Feb.04 - 1906Jan.24
1917Jan.23 - 1918Feb.10
1929Feb.10 - 1930Jan.29
1941Jan.27 - 1942Feb.14
1953Feb.14 - 1954Feb.02
1965Feb.02 - 1966Jan.20
1977Feb.18 - 1978Feb.06
1989Feb.06 - 1990Jan.26
2001Jan.24 - 2002Feb.11

HORSE
1906Jan.25 - 1907Feb.12
1918Feb.11 - 1919Jan.31
1930Jan.30 - 1931Jan.16
1942Feb.15 - 1943Feb.04
1954Feb.03 - 1955Jan.23
1966Jan.21 - 1967Feb.08
1978Feb.07 - 1979Jan.27
1990Jan.27 - 1991Feb.14
2002Feb.12 - 2003Jan.31


GOAT
1907Feb.13 - 1908Feb.01
1919Feb.01 - 1920Feb.19
1931Feb.17 - 1932Feb.05
1943Feb.05 - 1944Jan.24
1955Jan.24 - 1956Feb.11
1967Feb.09 - 1968Jan.29
1979Jan.28 - 1980Feb.15
1991Feb.15 - 1992Feb.03
2003Feb.01 - 2004Jan.21


MONKEY
1908Feb.02 - 1909Jan.21
1920Feb.20 - 1921Feb.07
1932Feb.06 - 1933Jan.25
1944Jan.25 - 1945Feb.12
1956Feb.12 - 1957Jan.30
1968Jan.30 - 1969Feb.16
1980Feb.16 - 1981Feb.04
1992Feb.04 - 1993Jan.22
2004Jan.22 - 2005Feb.08


ROOSTER
1909Jan.22 - 1910Feb.18
1921Feb.08 - 1922Jan.27
1933Jan.26 - 1934Feb.13
1945Feb.13 - 1946Feb.01
1957Jan.31 - 1958Feb.17
1969Feb.17 - 1970Feb.05
1981Feb.05 - 1982Jan.24
1993Jan.23 - 1994Feb.09
2005Feb.09 - 2006Jan.28


DOG
1910Feb.10 - 1911Jan.29
1922Jan.28 - 1923Feb.15
1934Feb.14 - 1935Feb.03
1946Feb.02 - 1947Jan.21
1958Feb.18 - 1959Feb.07
1970Feb.06 - 1971Jan.26
1982Jan.25 - 1983Feb.12
1994Feb.10 - 1995Jan.30
2006Jan.29 - 2007Feb.17


PIG
1911Jan.30 - 1912Feb.17
1923Feb.16 - 1924Feb.04
1935Feb.04 - 1936Jan.23
1947Jan.22 - 1948Feb.09
1959Feb.08 - 1960Jan.27
1971Jan.27 - 1972Feb.14
1983Feb.13 - 1984Feb.01
1995Jan.31 - 1996Feb.18
2007Feb.18 - 2008Feb.08
============================================================================
Rat in Year 2002
This will be a so-so year for you Rat people. It maybe better stay low
and keep things the way it is. I know this does not sound that exciting,
but the truth is, it is not so bad to keep things the way it is, isn't
it? In the year of Horse, patience and caution should be your motto,
think once, twice and even three times before you act.
Meanwhile, watch out for those so-called friends, one might betray you
and take away what should have been yours. However, for those lack of
Fire element, the year of Horse will be a smooth and lucky year. The
Chinese believe that the Horse is born to race and travel, therefore,
for those who are away from home; this will be a good year for you too.
Since silence isn't Rat people's strongest suit, think, before you
speak, cause impulsive words can be as dangerous as knife and might
cause you troubles. In matter of personal finance, hold onto you money
in the bank the best you can, cause you have the potential to lose money
this year. Therefore, invest wisely and cautiously, sometimes, what
looks like a great investment opportunity can possibly turn into a deep
money pit.
January is the month for travel and changes, but avoid going to funerals
and visiting patients at the hospital if you can. March is the month for
romance and partnership. For Rat men, May is the month to watch out,
stay way from temptation and seduction from the opposite sex, and look
out for eye injury. Drive carefully in September. December will be your
lucky month for romance and money.

RAT Characteristics

Rat people are born under the sign of charm and aggressiveness. They are
expressive and can be talkative sometimes. They like to go to parties and
spend quite sometimes chatting with their friends. Although the Rat can be
quiet sometime, it is rare to catch a Rat sitting quietly.
Rat people usually have more acquaintances than real friends and they
revere and cherish those close to them. Once you become their real
friends, they will treat you as their family. Rats are self-contained and
keep problems to themselves. And even though they can be talkative
sometimes, they never confide in anyone.

Sometimes mean, narrow-minded and suburban in outlook, Rat people are
nevertheless honest. They can always make a success of their lives as long
as they manage to master their perpetual discontent and their insistence
on living for the present moment.

The Rat is quick-witted. Most rats get more accomplished in 24 hours than
the rest of us do in as many days. They are confident and usually have
good instinct. Stubborn as they are, they prefer to live by their own
rules rather others. It won't be an easy task to work with Rat people,
why? Simple, because they are also 100% perfectionists.

They are very organized and talented, perhaps that is why the Rat makes a
good businessman or politician. Unfortunately, as soon as the Rat earns
money, he spends it. Maybe that explains why the Rat is so careful when he
lends money to others. If you ever borrow money from the Rat, don't be
surprised by the high-interests.
The Rat is not romantic, but he is sensual and loving. Rat people could be
hard to see through at first glance, because they are also very
protective, but even though they are not easy but they are worth it - ask
anyone who has a Rat for a lover, parent, child or friend. They are very
loyal and devoting to their families.

Compatibility
(1 - least compatible, 100 - most compatible)
with Rat81 - A very good match.
Ox88 - A stable and peaceful relationship.
Tiger70 - In order to success, both must endure.
Rabbit47 - Not advised, they should stay away from each other.
Dragon95 - One of the best-arranged unions.
Snake67 - Better be friends than lovers.
Horse29 - No, no, no.
Goat56 - Probably not.
Monkey90 - It'll be a fun and loving relationship.
Rooster66 - Steamy, yes, but not lasting.
Dog72 - Why not?
Pig81 - This can work. They admire each other.

============================================================================

OX In Year 2002
This year will be singing the tune for you hard-working diligent Oxens.
Things will be going your way, so if you grasp the opportunity when you
see one and work hard, you will have your own business or the career
you've been dreaming of for years.
Although the year of Horse will be a good year in general, health maybe
a concern for you. Cut down your alcohol and be kind to your own body.
Avoid overwork, take plenty of rest and try to eat healthily and
exercise regularly.
And if you plan to invest, invest cautiously and wisely, and do not
listen to any so-called "inside tips" from your acquaintances, trust
your instinct mainly and avoid risky investment. Also, watch carefully
with your stuffs and beware of theft when you are in a crowd.
Some great news will cheer you up in January. Don't listen to rumors and
false information in March. If you are in a stable relationship, wedding
bell is heading your way in April. If you are waiting for the right one
to show up, go to parties and social events in July and keep your eyes
wide opened for your destiny. Watch out when you drive in August and
October will be a month of changes.

OX Charateristics

Ox people are hard-working and persistent, they can stick at a task longer
and go at it harder than anybody. They believe in themselves and tend to
classify almost everything into two basic categories, bad and good. They
hold up their high standards as a model and severely judge those who don't
aspire to maintain these same ideals.
Ox people are not social or party animals, they tend to be quiet when in a
party. Although appears to be tranquil, in fact, Oxens are ponderous but
impulsive when angry. They are capable of fearsome rages, therefore, it is
better not to cross an Oxen.


Ox people are observant, they have remarkable memories and are good at
reporting on absolutely everything they observe. Go ask an Oxen if he
remembers who were at the party 8 months ago, most likely, he will name
them one by one to you.
In the home, the Ox is a great guy to have around. In business, the OX can
succeed in the arts, a contracting business, or an estate., thanks to
their creative nature. And since an Ox is intelligent and good at his
hands, he can be a good surgeon as well.

Ox people are stubborn and dogmatic, they believe in their decision and
will never regret. They are also very close to their families.
disappointedly, Oxens often find that those who are close to them fail to
understand them. Nevertheless, they are patient, and caring and that makes
the Oxen the best friend you can ever have.
Oxens are very responsible and loyal. Ox people are seldom jealous. but
they will be jealous of their rights; and the fidelity of a husband or a
wife is one of their rights. They are very family-oriented, conservative
and faithful.

Compatibility
(1 - least compatible, 100 - most compatible)
with Rat88 - A stable and steady relationship
Ox72 - Conservative! Mutually protect & provide
Tiger33 - Almost impossible to make it work.
Rabbit72 - This could work.
Dragon52 - Don't, two of you will fight constantly.
Snake85 - This union can be a good one.
Horse37 - Unfortunately, they are part.
Goat56 - Probably not.
Monkey81 - Nice. They are compatible and stable.
Rooster86 - You are lucky enough to find each other.
Dog62 - Difficult, but possible.
Pig69 - why not, it worths a try.

============================================================================

TIGER In Year 2002

The year of Horse will be a good year in general. Luck is on your side;
especially on that lack of Fire element, so go get some lottery tickets,
and you might get lucky. ^_^ However, don't pack your bags and retire to
Hawaii yet, cause if you work hard enough, this will be a good year for
your career and finance as well.
After years of hardworking, you social status and reputation will be on
the rise, and for those ambitious Tigers, you might just get the
opportunity to move to the power circle on the top, or being transferred
to the headquarter in a foreign country.
However, be cautious in many ways. Pay more attention to your so-called
friends, there are some calculated minds that will try to tempt you with
traps. Think once, twice and even three times before you act, and
remember to mind your own business, cause one of your friends may bring
troubles or even lawsuits to your way.
Health alert in January and watch out for betrayal from friends, you'd
be surprised how quickly they forgot your kindness and friendship and
turn their backs on you. Romance is in the air in February. It is better
to refrain yourself from visiting the sick or attending funerals in
March. You will get some help from your mother's side of the family in
June. And watch the road when you drive and beware of cut injury in
September. Your best months are February, July, September and December.

TIGER Characteristics

"Born leader" is the key word for the Tigers. They are always in the lead
and are most likely the ones to cry out "Let's Go"! Noble and Fearless,
Tigers are respected for their courage, even from those working against
them.
Tiger people are daring fighters, they are capable of standing up to the
better end for what they think is right. Although they could be selfish
from time to time in the little things, they are capable of great
generosity. Tigers are unpredictable, always tense. and like to be in a
hurry.

Tiger people are difficult to resist, for they are magnetic characters and
their natural air of authority confers a certain prestige on them. They
are tempestuous yet calm, warm-hearted yet fearsome, courageous in the
face of danger yet yielding and soft in mysterious, unexpected places.

Tigers are very confident, perhaps too confident sometimes. Although they
love adventures, and are addicted to excitement it is better not to
challenge a Tiger's confidence. They likes being obeyed and not the other
way around.

Because Tigers are urgent people and always in a hurry to get things done
right, they usually choose to operate alone. Tigers like to work, they are
hard-working and dynamic. If you assign a task to a Tiger, the job will be
undertaken and accomplished with enthusiasm and efficiency. Tigers make
money, but they are not directly interested in money. Still, the Tiger
needs not worry about money: just when he fears the money is gone, more
seems to show up.
Tigers are sensitive, emotional. They are capable of great love, but they
become too intense about it. They are also territorial and possessive, if
you are a friend of a Tiger, he wants you to take his side against the bad
guys and because the Tiger is so adorable, you often do. As lovers, Tigers
are passionate and romantic, but the real challenge for the Tiger is to
grasp the true meaning of moderation.


Compatibility
(1 - least compatible, 100 - most compatible)
Rat65 - In order to success, both must endure.
Ox33 - Almost impossible to make it work.
Tiger52 - Two tigers?! Not recommended.
Rabbit46 - Difficult. Possible convenience marriage
Dragon76 - Despite minor difficulties, it's good for marriage.
Snake69 - Difficult to see what they could see in each other.
Horse86 - Why not, they have lots in commons.
Goat24 - One of the worst combinations.
Monkey81 - These two make eager loves.
Rooster55 - Not a balanced relationship.
Dog89 - Good! A balanced and harmonic relationship.
Pig79 - They are very different, but this will work.

============================================================================

RABBIT In Year 2002

This will be a great year for female Rabbit but a so-so year for Rabbit
Men. In general, there will be something to celebrate in the family,
such as weddings or victories. And although there are some challenges
and problems occasionally, luckily, you will always find someone to help
you out.
For those lack of Fire elements, expect a smooth ride all year long. As
for Water Rabbit, this will be a good year for your business and
investment, so get ready to smile your way to the bank and watch the
balance increases. Nevertheless, this won't be a carefree year. Choose
your friends with caution and try to cut off the tie between you and
that old love that never learns to let you go. Stay away from alcohol
and temptations, you'll be happy that you do.
January is the month to be cautious. Watch out for quarrels and try to
mind your own business. February will be a good month for your finance
and business. Although changes are waiting for you in April, it might be
better to stay put and wait for the next opportunity. Stay alert in
October, and go to weddings if you can to bring you good luck. Your best
months are June, September and November.

RABBIT Characteristics

The rabbit is one of the most delicate animals among all 12 animals.
Rabbits are usually kind and sweet and of course, popular people. Nobody
ignores them, for they are good company and know how to make the best of
themselves.
A rabbit's home is always a beautiful one cause Rabbit people are famous
for their artistic sense and good taste. They are also usually
well-dressed. Go check out your Rabbit friend's closet, I bet you will
find many expensive and beautiful clothing there.

But even though they are popular and loved by their friends and family,
rabbit people are also pessimistic. They are conservative and insecure,
and that explains why most of the them don't like changes.

Calm as they are, it is not easy to provoke Rabbit people. They don't like
to argue and enjoy quiet, peaceful lives. They are also sentimental and
compassionate. Yes, and they cry easily too. They can be moved by personal
problems you share with them. Therefore, if you work as a salesman for a
living, you will have much better luck with rabbit people - Nine out of
Ten Rabbit people will definitely buy your products!

Call them cautious or call them timid, rabbit people will undertake
nothing before they have weighed the pros and cons from every angle. And
that is probably why rabbit people are doing well in their work. And yet,
unless they abandon their conservative nature, and become more aggressive,
they will probably live a very normal, and average life.
They can be great partners in relationships. Romantic and sweet, faithful
too, rabbit people never lack of suitors. . Male rabbits are sometimes
picky, and perhaps not a family man. And female rabbits should probably
spend less time admiring themselves in front of the mirror and spend more
time with friends.

Compatibility
(1 - least compatible, 100 - most compatible)
with Rat32 - Not compatible.
Ox67 - This could work.
Tiger46 - Difficult. Possible convenience marriage
Rabbit71 - Why not? As long as they have loads of $$$.
Dragon85 - Good team.
Snake61 - Think again.
Horse52 - Why not just be friends?
Goat82 - Nice couple.
Monkey73 - Amusing.
Rooster55 - Well, maybe not.
Dog77 - Fine, as long as they keep it cool.
Pig91 - Good, very good and everything will be fine.

============================================================================

DRAGON In Year 2002

It might be better to keep a low profile this year. Things might not be
going the ways as you wish and your life might be busier and more
chaotic than you expect. You must refrain yourself from visiting the
sick or attending funerals. What you need most this year is good vibes
from happy occasions.
Therefore, be sure to attend as many weddings as you can. Best of all,
if you have weddings in the family, it will certainly bring you joys and
good fortune all year long and turn this year to a better year for you.
But don't worry, even if you don't have weddings in the family, just do
some charity or volunteer works to help the needed will bring you good
luck too.
Also, though there are some obstacles waiting for you to overcome, with
your born luck and charm, whenever a problem surfaces, someone will show
up to assist you and resolve the issue for you.
January is the month for changes. You will be either traveling to
foreign countries or moving to a new home. Pay more attention on the
road in March and be careful when choosing your new friends. Avoid
visiting the sick or attending funerals in May. August will be a good
month for lovers. Your best months are January, August, October and
November.

DRAGON Characteristics

As the noble animal symbol that represents the Chinese emperors, Dragons
are born leaders and masters of ceremonies. And because of this, every
Chinese parent is hoping to have a Dragon child. Dragon people get things
started and keep them moving. They are feisty and gifted with power and
luck. Most people look up to the Dragon.
Dragons are born monarchs. As far as they can see, their power is
indisputable. Dragons are idealists, perfectionists, they are born
thinking they are perfect and they are inflexible. Dragons are also
aggressive and determined, going after what they want is second nature to
them. And due to their hunger for power, Dragons are not well suited to
growing old. The prospect of losing power, the helpless feeling of
youthful strength ebbing away is unbearable to them.

Irritable and stubborn, the Dragon is a real big mouth and his words often
outrun his thoughts. Nevertheless, his opinions are worth listening to and
his advice is always good. People do, in fact, listen to him and his
influence is considerable. The Dragon is over-proud. He is enthusiastic to
the point of impetuosity, and he loses his temper easily.

Dragons are dauntless, dynamic and delightful. When a Dragon enters a
gathering, the room starts to simmer. The Dragon carries a self-assurance
so impressive, and inflated ego so visible and a mouth so loud that it is
useless to try to tell him anything.
Dragons are tyrannical. They hate orders except when they are giving them.
Unlike the Tiger, who imposes his will seriously and firmly, the Ox, whose
authority is implied in his very stern demeanor, or the Rat, who thrusts
his dominion over others, the Dragon knows innately how to exert authority
yet be gentle with his slaves. Dragons are terrible snobs. Although money
is not always the object, they are slavishly impressed by wealth,
prestige, rank and splendor.

The Dragon is gifted, intelligent, tenacious, willing and generous. He can
do anything. No matter whether the Dragon chooses an artistic career,
medical or political one, he is going to shine in it. He will be a success
wherever he goes.
The Dragon is often loved. He is never disappointed in love. In fact, he
is frequently the cause of some drama of despair. The women of this sign
are surrounded by admirers and often demanded in marriage.

Compatibility
(1 - least compatible, 100 - most compatible)
with Rat95 - One of the best-arranged unions.
Ox48 - Don't, two of you will fight constantly.
Tiger76 - Despite minor difficulties, it's good for marriage.
Rabbit85 - Good team.
Dragon34 - They'll always compete against each other.
Snake63 - This might work.
Horse57 - Love at first sight, but will go downhill.
Goat74 - A sound and stable relationship.
Monkey82 - Despite the differences, they'll do just fine.
Rooster72 - Balanced but not passionate.
Dog55 - With reservation. The dog might suffer.
Pig87 - An excellent match.


============================================================================

SNAKE In Year 2002

For Snake People, year 2002, the year of Horse will be a better year for
you than last year. You will feel better about yourself and more
energetic this year. The Sun is on your sign this year. Finance and
romance are both looking good, and career is on the rise as well.
For those lack of Fire element, keep smiling, cause this will be
especially a great year for you. Be prepared for a year of smooth ride.
If you are in a relationship, get ready to say "I do" and yes, you are
going to the chapel soon. If you are happily single, make sure to look
your best all the time and go to parties and social events whenever you
can; you will meet that "special one" soon.
January will be a lucky month for you business. Money will be slowing
in. Stay alert and be cautious in February, this will keep you away from
unnecessary problems. March is a great month for you, and is it wedding
bell that I hear? If you are restless driver, watch out when you are on
the road in April. Also stay alert when using a knife and with possible
betrayal from friends. May is good for your romance. If you have been
planning to expand your business or start a partnership, August might be
a good tie to do so. Your best months are March, May, August and
November.

SNAKE Characteristics

Snakes have always been the seducers of human beings. If you know the
story of "The White Snake", you will understand what I mean. In reality,
Snake people are born charming and popular. Snakes are spotlight magnets,
and they will not be ignored. Peer group attention and public recognition
are the least of what he expects. Yet Snakes are never noisy or
deliberately outspoken, and they have have excellent manners.
Unlike the Snake who seduced Eve in to sin. the astrological Snake, is not
a devil, not even a little demon. The Snake is a nice oversexed normal
human being. Determined to follow through anything he undertakes to the
bitter end, the Snake detests being left in the air. He makes his
decisions quickly and firmly.

Most people are secretly or hopelessly in love with Snakes. Gather those
frustrated folk you know and most likely, they are probably in love with a
Snake. Irresistible as they seem, the Snake never wastes time in idle
gossip. He thinks often and deeply. He is an intellectual, a philosophers,
a cerebral person. Snake people rely heavily on first impressions, on
their own feelings, on their sympathies, rather than on facts, on the
advice and opinions on others. He seems to have a kind of sixth sense in
this way.

Snakes are a bit tight when it comes to lending money, though his sympathy
for others often leads him to offer help. The fatal flaw in his character
is, in fact, a tendency to exaggerate - in helping friends as with
everything else. If he does somebody a favor, he becomes possessive
towards them in an odd way.
Another big flaw in a Snake's character is that, they are capable of
biggie lies. White lies, true lies, whatever they call them, though they
don't lie often, they do lie when they feel they can get away from it.

In money matters, the Snake has good luck: he doesn't have to worry -
he'll always be able to lay his hand on money when he needs it. Generally,
Snakes are careful but generous with friends and family. The Snake should
stick to careers that won't involve him in any risk - even the risk of
working too hard, for to tell the truth, the Snake is a bit lazy.
In love, the Snake male is romantic and charming. He has a sense of humor
and the female is usually beautiful and successful. but if a Snake chooses
a partner, he'll be jealous and possessive - even if he no longer loves
her. Rejection is the worst blow his delicate ego can suffer. The Snake
must be received, welcomed, accepted and approved by those with whom he
comes in contact. They need a lot of security.

Compatibility
(1 - least compatible, 100 - most compatible)
with Rat67 - Better be friends than lovers.
Ox85 - This union can be a good one.
Tiger67 - Difficult to see what they could see in each other.
Rabbit61 - Think again.
Dragon63 - This might work.
Snake51 - Complicated drama, better avoid.
Horse75 - These two are strongly attracted to each other.
Goat69 - This might work.
Monkey57 - Perhaps, it depends on the monkey.
Rooster90 - A love connection, Omens favorable.
Dog67 - This could work.
Pig45 - The Pig can never please the Snake.

============================================================================

HORSE In Year 2002

I know you waited 12 years to be your own year - the year of Horse,
however, I will suggest you to keep a low profile this year, and perhaps
keeping things the way it is will be a smart move. Try to eat healthily
and exercise regularly, this is the year you should pay more attention
to you and your family's health.
Finance will be moderate this year, and it is wise to research extensive
before you invest or expand your business. And don't forget to look out
when you are making new friends. Sometimes it is better to have few good
friends than a bunch of acquaintance - you never know which one will
betray you or stab you in the back.
Watch out to those so-called friends in January. It is also a good year
for partnerships and romance. Better yet, the romantic mood will be
carried over to February, and may even bring wedding bells to your door.
Be careful when you are on the road in March. Try to go to weddings, as
this may bring you good vibes and get rid of your bad luck. There may be
changes or travels waiting for you in July, you will be exhausted, so
it's better avoid visiting patients and attending funerals. You will
start a new relationship in August. Your best months are February, June,
August and October.

HORSE Characteristics

Horse people are active and energetic. They got plenty of sex-appeal and
know how to dress. Horses love to be in the crowd, maybe that is why they
can usually be seen in such occasions like concerts, theaters, meetings,
sporting occasions, and of course, parties.
The horse is very quick-witted and is right in there with you before you
have had the chance to finish what you are saying: he's on to the thought
in your mind even before you've expressed it. In general, the Horse is
gifted. But in truth he is really more cunning than intelligent - and he
knows that. That is probably why, most of the horse people lack
confidence.

Chinese believe that because horses are born to race or travel, all Horse
people invariably leave home young. The Horse despises being pressured to
act for the good of the group or made to feel guilty. No matter how
integrated he seems to be, a Horse's inner self remains powerfully
rebellious. Although they have boundless energy and ambition, Horses have
a hard time belonging.

The Horse is hot-blooded, hot-headed and impatient. He is a bit of an
egoist, well, selfish sometimes, that it is rare for him to interest
himself in any problems except his own. And though this egoist works only
for himself and for his own success, his work nevertheless benefits
everybody.

The Horse is a worker, adepts at handling money and a good financier. But
unfortunately, he is also famous for suddenly losing interest on
something. In his relationship with opposite sex, the Horse is weak. He
will give up everything for love.
Being born a Horse, there are many contradictions in his character. Horses
are proud yet sweet-natured, arrogant yet oddly modest in their approach
to love, envious but tolerant, conceited yet humble. They want to belong,
yet they are burdened by their need for independence. They need love and
crave intimacy yet often feel cornered, pressured. But the truth is, the
Horse is an individual, who depends only on his wits and his labor to get
what he wants.

Compatibility
(1 - least compatible, 100 - most compatible)
with Rat29 - No, no, no.
Ox37 - Unfortunately, they will part.
Tiger86 - Good, they have lots in common.
Rabbit52 - Why not just be friends?
Dragon63 - Steamy, but will not last.
Snake78 - These two are strongly attracted to each other.
Horse70 - Better hide your egoism.
Goat82 - Good, they won't bore each other.
Monkey31 - Not advised.
Rooster58 - If they must, but not recommended.
Dog92 - A happy couple.
Pig75 - This relationship worth a try.



============================================================================

GOAT In Year 2002

For the gentle GOAT, this will be a good year in general. Luck will be
on your side; however, there will be a number of obstacles to overcome.
For those lacks of Earth element, everything will be going your way. And
for those Wood GOAT, your investment or business may finally paid off
and you will be smiling your way to the bank.
This could be the year to expand your business or start the partnership
and alliance you've been planning for. Nevertheless, try to eat
healthily and exercise regularly, this is the year you should pay more
attention to your health. Say no to alcohol and temptation, trust me,
you will be happy that you do. Think once, twice and even three time
before you act and remember to mind your own business and stay away from
other's problems.
January is your lucky month, with minimum effort; you will be rewarded
with doubled harvest. February is a great month for you finance.
However, if you are a restless driver, be careful when you are on the
road. And thanks to the blessing from your ancestor, March will turn out
to be a smooth month. July is great for romance and wedding. Avoid
attending funerals and visiting patients in August. Your best months are
January, March, May, and July,

GOAT Characteristics

Goat people are elegant, charming, artistic, gifted and fond of nature.
People born under this sign are also the most creative. They are also very
delicate, their good manners and charms always bring many admirers and
friends.
Goats are insecure. They need to feel loved and protected. They are easily
drawn into complex predicaments. This being, so, they usually shy from
confrontation, pull back when faced with heavy decision-making and
blatantly refuse to take an unpopular stand in a conflict.

Goat people are dreamers, sometimes, they are pessimistic, hesitant and
over-anxious worriers! They can be lazy sometimes. If Goats have any
choices, they would definitely choose to marry a wealthy person and sit
back for the rest of the lives. Also, they are obsessed with their
appearance. That, play an enormous part in their sense of personal
stability. If they don't look their best, they may be afraid to go out the
door to pick up the Sunday papers.

Due to their indecisive nature, Goats like to study the esoteric to know
more about the unknown. They enjoy reading books about horoscope and
fortune-telling. Therefore, it will not be unusual to find Goats working
as astrologers or fortune-tellers.

Disorganized as they are , business is definitely not the strength in a
Goat. Instead, the Goat will make a good craftsman or artist or writer and
can confidently take up any career demanding artistic talents and
creativities.
Goat people are very romantic sensitive, sweet and darling. In
relationship, they could be sometimes a little bit bossy and lazy, but
with their gentle and caring nature, it will be hard to resist Goat
people.

Compatibility
(1 - least compatible, 100 - most compatible)
with Rat56 - Probably not.
Ox45 - Why not just be friends.
Tiger24 - One of the worst combinations.
Rabbit82 - Nice couple. They'll be happy.
Dragon74 - A sound and stable relationship.
Snake69 - This might work.
Horse82 - Good, they won't bore each other.
Goat52 - Better avoid.
Monkey71 - Oh, well, why not?!
Rooster42 - They'll be unhappy, even they pretend.
Dog62 - Difficult, but possible.
Pig98 - One of the happiest possible combinations.

============================================================================

MONKEY In Year 2002

I know this does not sound that exciting, but the truth is, this will be
a so-so year for you Monkey people. It maybe better to stay low and keep
things the way it is. Also, you must refrain yourself from visiting the
sick or attending funerals. Instead, be sure to attend as many weddings
as you can. After all, what you need most in the year of Horse is good
vibes and chi.
Best of all, if you have weddings in the family, it will certainly bring
you joys and good fortune all year long and turn this to a better year
for you. However, even if you don't have weddings in the family, you can
collect your good fortune by attending weddings and volunteer yourself
for charity work to help the needed.
For those lacks of Fire element, everything will be going your way. And
if you a Water Monkey, embrace yourself to a year of great personal
finance. Your income will increase and your investment will be
rewarding. Wood Monkey will become wiser and gain more knowledge through
the year. As for Metal Monkey, beware of friends who will betray you and
stab you in the back.
January is a good month in general, expect some moderate changes in life
and work. Watch your eyes in February. March will be especially great
for the Earth Monkey. There will be reasons to celebrate in June,
however, don't overwork and watch for your health. Avoid attending
funerals and don't go visit the sick. Romance is in the air in August,
and if you listen to the advice from your boss or parents, things will
be even better for you. Your best months are January, March, August and
December.

MONKEY Characteristics

Monkeys are fun and loving persons who are always cheerful and energetic.
They are very clever. Give a monkey a boring book to read and he'll turn
it into a Musical. Better yet, he'll invite everyone to see it free!
That's how talented, creative and generous monkeys usually are.

If you go to a party, you'll find Monkeys at the center of attention.
Their charm and humor is the key to their popularity. Sociable and
diplomatic as they may appear, they can be deceptive sometimes - they hide
their opinions of others beneath their friendliness. But they don't hide
their emotion. You can probably tell how a monkey is feeling from miles
away - he wants everyone to know how happy or depressed he is.

Monkey people are very good at problem-solving. Wherever you are, whoever
you may be, if you've got a problem pick up the phone and dial-a-Monkey.
Monkeys know how to listen closely and work out solutions at the same
time. And because Monkeys' curiosity, they usually have a great thirst for
knowledge. Still they have few scruples - they could be unreasonable
sometimes, and they have the ability to persuade themselves and everyone
around them to believe that they are doing the right things. Some say
monkeys are self-centered, some say they are opportunistic, some say they
are guileful, but monkeys couldn't care less - because they are also
indifferent.

The monkey has a good chance of becoming famous or well-known. Whatever he
does, his charm and luck will make him successful. As friends, Monkeys are
both loyal and devoted, as lovers, they can be passionate and yet flighty
- they can fall easily in love but will get tired of the relationship and
look for another.
Most Monkeys have one fetish - FOOD. They are not pigs, they don't stuff
themselves with food, instead, they just have this habit of eating snacks
whenever they like, and wherever they like. And one last truth about
monkey people is, they adore bananas. Go visit your monkey friend's
kitchen, I bet you will find some bananas there.

Compatibility
(1 - least compatible, 100 - most compatible)
with Rat90 - One of the best combinations.
Ox74 - Nice. They are compatible and stable.
Tiger81 - These two make eager loves.
Rabbit73 - Amusing.
Dragon82 - Despite the differences, they'll do just fine.
Snake57 - Perhaps, it depends on the monkey.
Horse31 - Not advised.
Goat65 - Oh well, why not?!
Monkey85 - Great companions and total complicity.
Rooster72 - Probably, who knows
Dog67 - With reservation. The dog might suffer.
Pig81 - This could work. They admire each other.

============================================================================

ROOSTER In Year 2002

Congratulations. Now, take a deep sigh (the sigh of relief) and prepare
yourself for a great year. Thanks to all the good luck you get from your
ancestors, you should have a much better and smoother year of Horse than
last year. Happy, joyful things are coming your way, and everything will
be exactly the way you want. This will be the year for your career to
take off. New career will be waving at you, and if you have a cool boss
that you get along, then expect a promotion or a raise.
As for you romance life; the year of Horse is the year you've been
waiting for. New romance is in the air and even old love may return to
your eventually. Believe or not, this might be "the one" relationship
you've been longing for and if you are in a stable relationship, wedding
bell might be ringing at your doorsteps.
You might lose some money in January, nothing major, so don't worry too
much about it. This month, you will get all the assistance you need from
your mother side of the family. March is a good month for you, so hold
on to an opportunity when you see one, and you will accomplish
something. If you are a restless driver, please pay more attention on
the road in April. Thinking about moving or traveling? October is the
month to do so. Your best months are March, May, June and December.

ROOSTER Characteristics

Rooster people are very observant. And most of the time, they are very
accurate and precise with their observation. Perhaps, you can say that
Roosters have a very keen "sixth-sense". With Roosters, what you see is
exactly what you get. There are no hidden depths to the Rooster's
character: he is neither complicated nor profound, rather, he is very
forthright and straightforward.
The rooster likes to be noticed and flattered. He might dress a little
flashily with this in mind, but in his heart, he is completely
conservative. Roosters always appear attractive and beautifully turned
out. They are sociable and love to receive attention.

Believe it or not, it is not an easy task to fool the Rooster. His mind is
cautious and skeptical, with this perceptive gift, Roosters make excellent
trouble shooters, detectives, doctors, nurses and psychiatrists. Roosters
are always up, out and doing. You rarely see a relaxed rooster that sits
quietly in the livingroom, doing nothing. They are also multitalented, and
can become accomplished in many different ways.

All Roosters are extremely conscious about clothing and appearance. They
may appear conservative but are obsessed with their look - they can spend
hours standing in front of the mirrors and will not even wink when they
spend $500 for a dress. That doesn't mean they don't care about money, in
fact, they love to compare prices and even if the bargain is only few
cents or few dollars cheaper, they will be satisfied.

Though sharp, practical and resourceful, the Rooster also likes to dream.
And because he likes to dream, he will disappointed the loved one, for the
reality will never match up to the dreams he would like to share with her.
Although he really is sincere about those dreams.
Rooster make great hosts and adore entertaining. The main virtue in the
Rooster character is loyalty: they make devoted friends. They always keep
their promises and are always true to their word. When Roosters love and
admire someone, they will even catch the moon just to keep them happy.


Compatibility
(1 - least compatible, 100 - most compatible)
with Rat66 - Steamy, yes, but not lasting.
Ox86 - You are lucky enough to find each other.
Tiger55 - Not a balanced relationship.
Rabbit53 - Well, maybe not.
Dragon72 - Balanced but not passionate.
Snake90 - A love connection. Omens favorable.
Horse58 - If they must, but not recommended.
Goat42 - They'll be unhappy, even they pretend.
Monkey75 - Probably, who knows.
Rooster33 - It will be a miracle if it works!
Dog63 - Only if it's absolutely necessary.
Pig81 - The Pig is patient, it could work.

============================================================================

DOG In Year 2002

This is the year you've been waiting for; in fact, the year of Horse
will be a prosperous and successful year for you Dog people. All the
stars are on your side, and you should really make the most of this year
to achieve your goal.
Anxious to advance in your career? If so, don't forget to show your best
side this year, and you might just nail that promotion you've been
longing for. The year of Horse will be a great year for your personal
finance. You will be rewarded for your wise investment and your gross
income could be better than the previous year. However, do remember to
mind your own business and think before you act.
You will get some help from your mother's family in February, and beware
of theft and watch your health. April will be a joyful and there will be
something wonderful to celebrate. Your social status and reputation will
be on the rise in May; however, you should also try to pay more
attention to the road when you drive. Stay out of troubles and avoid
drinking and gambling in December, you will be happy that you do.

DOG Characteristics

Dog people are honest, faithful and sincere. They respect tradition and
value honor, and enjoy helping people. The Dog is very righteous, and
always is the first to speak out against injustice. He is not good at
socializing with friends, and rarely shines in company, but he is
intelligent, caring and a good listener.

Loyal, faithful and honest, he has the most profound sense of duty. You
can count on him and he'll never let you down. And as a good listener, the
Dog is also very reliable in keeping secrets for others. He simply doesn't
like to gossip.
The Dog is an agreeable companion - when he is in a good mood. But when
panic strikes, he can turn nasty, and bark till he is tired. He can be
judgmental, defensive and picky if you rub him the wrong way, but as long
as you know how to pet and massage him, the Dog makes absolutely the best
and most honorable companion on earth.

Dogs are born old and get younger as they age. They take everything very
serious. You may hear the Dog complains a lot about street lamps, about
traffic, or about weather, but as he gets older, the less he takes his own
criticisms seriously.



The loyal Dog makes a splendid captain of industry, a priest, an educator,
a critic, or a doctor. But whatever his career, it'll have in him a
spokesman whose ideals will be profound and often original.
When the fear becomes reality, Dogs go a little crazy. The Dog enters a
relationship where he is the giver and the partner is the taker. He is
usually very generous and loyal, and in love, he is honest and
straightforward. But he will have romantic problems all his life - it's
his own fault, really: he leads himself by his emotional in stability and
his eternal anxiety. He is a worrier.

Compatibility
(1 - least compatible, 100 - most compatible)
with Rat72 - Why not?
OX62 - Difficult, but possible.
Tiger89 - Good! A balanced and harmonic relationship.
Rabbit77 - Fine, as long as they keep it cool.
Dragon62 - Think again.
Snake67 - This could work.
Horse92 - A happy couple.
Goat62 - Difficult, but possible.
Monkey67 - With reservation. The dog might suffer.
Rooster63 - Only if it's absolutely necessary.
Dog62 - Difficult, but possible.
Pig84 - They share their thoughts and feelings.

============================================================================

PIG In Year 2002

Thanks to all the good luck you get from your ancestors, this will be a
good year for you Pig people. Your finance and romance is both looking
good, and career is on the rise as well. However, the year of Horse can
bring you great success or spectacular failure, and only you can
determine which direction you will be heading to.
This will be a crucial year for your career. Trust your instinct and
follow your heart, things will turn out better than you expect. Try to
volunteer your time to help the needed and do some charity work.
February is a good month for your finance, you'll either get a bonus or
make plenty money from your business. Love is in the air in March, so
don't pass on any opportunity if one of your friends wants to play cupid
and always try to look your best. Ready for some changes or traveling in
April. September will be a month to celebrate, but avoid visiting
patients or attending funerals. Stay alert in October for accidents or
injury. Your best months are January, February, May, July and September.

PIG Characteristics

Pigs are models of sincerity, purity, tolerance, and honor. When you first
meet them, Pigs seem too good to be true. They are careful and caring,
obliging and chivalrous. Put your trust in him, he won't let you down and
he will never try to. The Pigs simply want to do everything right.
Pigs are the people everyone admires most. Make a list of the Pigs in your
life: aren't they the nicest, most loving and scrupulously caring people
around?

Pigs are born to give, to yield and to serve. Frankly speaking, most
people take advantage of this Pig nature. Also, not only are Pigs easy to
fool, they like it that way too. No matter how old they get, Pig people
still only see and believe that all men/women are basically good. Pig
people constantly sacrifice their own happiness and comfort for the sake
of somebody else.

The Pig is a splendid companion. If you have a lifetime Pig friend, don't
think that your worries are over. Pigs are loyal, faithful and giving -
only as long as they approve of you. In order to keep your lifetime Piggy
friend, remember, never try to force your opinions on a Pig - A Pig rarely
asks for help and cannot graciously accept it.
The Pig doesn't say much - but when he does decide to speak, suddenly,
nothing can stop him until he runs out of subjects. Like the Monkey, the
Pig is intellectual - a character with a great thirst for knowledge.

Some people claim that Pigs are snobbish. Manners, breeding and good taste
are of enormous importance to them. In fact, pigs are aesthetic. Pigs are
born with an excellent nose for style in everything. Food is another of
Piggy's little sins. Pigs adore food, and after-dinner chocolates. The Pig
often over-eats, but he eats with good taste.
In relationship, Pig people are sensitive, sweet but naive, and caring.
They are romantic and certainly are the marriage-type. But on the other
hand, Pigs are also possessive, jealous and exclusive.

Compatibility
(1 - least compatible, 100 - most compatible)
with Rat88 - These two make marvelous mates
Ox69 - Why not, it worth a try.
Tiger77 - They are very different, but this will work.
Rabbit91 - Very compatible. Everything will be good.
Dragon94 - Most Dragon/Pig marriages last forever.
Snake45 - The Pig can never please the Snake.
Horse75 - This relationship worth a try.
Goat98 - One of the happiest possible combinations.
Monkey81 - This could work. They admire each other.
Rooster72 - The Pig is patient, this could work.
Dog84 - They share their thoughts and feeling.
Pig92 - An excellent match.

Dear God,


I'm writing to say I'm sorry
For being angry yesterday
When you seemed to ignore my prayer
And things didn't go my way
First, my car broke down
I was very late for work
But I missed that awful accident
Was that your handiwork?


I know you're watching over me
And I'm feeling truly blessed
For no matter what I pray for
You always know what's best!


I have this circle of E-mail friends,
Who mean the world to me;
Some days I "send" and "send",
At other times, I let them be.


When I see each name down load,
And view the message they've sent;
I know they've thought of me that day,
And "well wishes" were their intent.
I am so blessed to have these friends,
With whom I've grown so close;
So this little poem I dedicate to them,
Because to me they are the "Most"!


So to you, my friends,
I would like to say,
Thank you for being a part;
Of all my daily contacts,
This comes right from my heart.


God bless you all is my prayer today,
I'm honored to call you "friend";
I pray the Lord will keep you safe,
Until we write again.

More Deep Thoughts

1) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and Keep away from children"
--Author Unknown

2) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." --Drew Carey

3) "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house,"
--Rod Stewart

4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house." --Jeff Foxworthy

5) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken. --Unknown, presumed deceased

6) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base." --Dave Barry

7) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." --Bob Ettinger

8) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim." --Paula Poundstone

9) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh' ." --Conan O'Brien

10) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner." --Lynda Montgomery

11) "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" --Richard Jeni

12) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." --Johnny Carson

13) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez

14) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but
they turned sixty, and that's the law." --Jerry
Seinfeld

15) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson

16) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same." --Oscar Wilde

17) "Suppose you were an idiot . . . And suppose you were a member of Congress . . . . But I repeat myself." --Mark Twain

18) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan!"
--A. Whitney Brown

19) "Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams

20) "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." --Roseanne

21) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." --Billy Crystal

22) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'" --Dave Barry

Definitions:

Standing for what you believe in,
Regardless of the odds against you,
and pressure that tears at your resistance,
...means courage

Stopping at nothing,
And doing what's in your heart,
You know is right,
...means determination


Keeping a smile on your face,
When inside you feel like dying,
For the sake of supporting others,
...means strength

Helping a friend in need,
No matter the time or effort,
To the best of your ability,
...means loyalty


Doing more than is expected,
To make another's life more bearable,
Without uttering a single complaint,
...means compassion

Giving more than you have,
And expecting nothing
But nothing in return,
..means everything

Difference between

"somebody you Love"

& "somebody you Like":



1 - In front of the person you love, your heart
beats
faster, But in front of the person you like, you get
happy.

2 - in front of the person you love, winter seems
like
spring. But in front of the person you like, winter
is
just beautiful winter.

3 - If you look into the eyes of the one you love,
you
blush. But if you look into the eyes of the one you
like, you smile.

4 - In front of the person you love, you can't say
everything on your mind. But in front of the person
you like, you can.

5 - In front of the person you love, you tend to get
shy. But in front of the person you like, you can
show
your own self.

6 - You can't look straight into the eyes of the one
you love. But you can always smile into the eyes of
the one you like.

7 - When the one you love is crying, you cry with
them. But when the one you like is crying, you end
up
comforting.

8 - The feeling of love starts from the eye But the
feeling of like starts from the ear. So if you stop
liking a person you used to like, all you need
to do is cover your ears. But if you try to close
your
eyes, love turns into a drop of tear and remains in
your heart forever...


God Gives and Forgives
People Get and Forget

Easy & Hard


Bad is easy.................................. Good is hard.

Losing is easy.............................. Winning is hard.

Talking is easy............................. Listening is hard.

Watching TV is easy.................... Reading is hard.

Giving advice is easy.................... Taking advice is hard.

Flab is easy................................. Muscle is hard.

Stop is easy................................ Go is hard.

Dirty is easy................................ Clean is hard.

Take is easy................................ Give is hard.

Dream is easy............................. Think is hard.

Lying is easy............................... Truth is hard.

Sleeping is easy.......................... Waking is hard.

Talking about God is easy............ Pray to God is hard.

Holding a grudge is easy.............. Forgiving is hard.

Telling a secret is easy................ Keeping a secret is hard.

Play is easy................................Work is hard.

Falling is easy.............................Getting up is hard.

Spending is easy........................ Saving is hard.

Eating is easy............................ Dieting is hard.

Doubt is easy............................. Faith is hard.

Laughter is easy........................ Tears are hard.

Criticizing is easy...................... Taking criticism is hard.

Letting go is easy....................... Hanging on is hard.

Secret sin is easy...................... Confession is hard.

Pride is easy.............................. Humility is hard.

Excusing oneself is easy............. Excusing others is hard.

Borrowing is easy........................ Paying back is hard.

Sex is easy................................ Love is hard.

Argument is easy........................ Negotiation is hard.

Naughty is easy.......................... Nice is hard.

Going along is easy..................... Walking alone is hard.

Dumb is easy.............................. Smart is hard.

Cowardice is easy....................... Bravery is hard.

Messy is easy............................ Neat is hard.

War is easy................................ Peace is hard.

Sarcasm is easy......................... Sincerity is hard.

An F is easy............................... An A is hard.

Growing weeds is easy................ Growing flowers is hard.

Reaction is easy......................... Action is hard.

Can't do is easy.......................... Can do is hard.

Feasting is easy......................... Fasting is hard.

Following is easy........................ Leading is hard.

Having friend is easy................... Being a friend is hard.

Dying is easy............................. Living is hard.

**Before you say anything to anyone,
ask yourself three things:

1.) Is it true?
2.) Is it kind?
3.) Is it necessary?

**Make promises sparingly and keep them faithfully**

**Never miss the opportunity to compliment
or say something encouraging to someone**

**Refuse to talk negatively about others
don't gossip and don't listen to gossip**

**Have a forgiving view to people. Believe that
most people are doing the best they can**

**Keep an open mind: discuss, but don't argue.
(It is possible to disagree without being
disagreeable)**

**Forget about counting to 10. Count to 1,000
before doing or saying anything that could
make matters worse**

**Let your virtues speak for themselves**

**If someone criticizes you, see if there is
any TRUTH to what he is saying; if so, make changes.
If there is no truth to the criticism, ignore it
and live so that no one will believe the
negative remark**

**Cultivate your sense of humor, laughter is
the shortest distance between two people. Do not
seek so much to be consoled, as to console; do not
seek so much to be understood; as to understand;
do not seek so much to be loved as to love**

**I pray that all of us will keep these points
in mind and the Biblical principles behind
them so that we can continuously improve our
personal relationships with others where ever we are**
~~Author Unknown

>>
>> ....... A Friend....
>>
>>
>>
>> (A)ccepts you as you are
>>
>> (B)elieves in "you"
>>
>> (C)alls you just to say "HI"
>>
>> (D)oesn't give up on you
>>
>> (E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
>>
>> (F)orgives your mistakes
>>
>> (G)ives unconditionally
>>
>> (H)elps you
>>
>> (I)nvites you over
>>
>> (J)ust "be" with you
>>
>> (K)eeps you close at heart
>>
>> (L)oves you for who you are
>>
>> (M)akes a difference in your life
>>
>> (N)ever Judges
>>
>> (O)ffer support
>>
>> (P)icks you up
>>
>> (Q)uiets your fears
>>
>> (R)aises your spirits
>>
>> (S)ays nice things about you
>>
>> (T)ells you the truth when you need tohear it
>>
>> (U)nderstands you
>>
>> (V)alues you
>>
>> (W)alks beside you
>>
>> (X)-plains thing you don't understand
>>
>> (Y)ells when you won't listen and
>>
>> (Z)aps you back to reality
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>

> One big company was hiring new staff, one of the questions from the
written
> exam was:
>
> All by yourself, you are driving a car on a bad stormy night. You
pass a
bus
> station, where there are three people waiting for the bus; one old
lady
who
> is dying, one doctor who saved your life before, one gorgeous
guy/lady who
> is someone you have been dreaming to be with.
> Due to the limited room in the car, you can give lift to only one
person.
> Which one you will choose? Please explain your reason.
>
> Think about it before you read the following... What will be your
answer ?
>
> .
>
> .
>
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
>
> .
> .
>
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
>
> Every answer has its reason.
>
> * The lady who is about to die, you should save her first. However,
she is
> dying anyway. Is it worth it?
> * May be you should take the doctor, because the doctor saved your
life
> before, this is the perfect chance to pay
> him back. He may live to save more lives... On the same token, you
have
> already paid his fees....
> * The person you have dreamed about... You may never be able to find
such
an
> opportunity again. Stormy night
> spent all cuddled up....
>
> Among the two hundred candidates, the one who was hired, simply
stated,
>
> "I would give the car key to the doctor, so that he can take the old
lady
to
> the hospital and I stay to wait for the bus with the lady of my
dream!"
>
> Everyone I know think the above answer is the best answer, but there
is no
> one (including myself) who can think of this answer first. Is that
because
> we never want to give up anything? Not letting go anything?
>
>
> Think about it!
>
>

Have you ever wondered...


Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Sentences taken from actual letters received by a welfare department in application for financial support.


I am forwarding a marriage certificate and six children. I have seven, one died, which are baptized on a half sheet of paper.

I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get the money?

Mrs. Jones has had no clothes for a year, and has been visited regularly by a preacher.

I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell my why?

I am glad to report that my husband who was missing is dead!

This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?

Please find out if my husband is dead. The man I am living with can't eat or do anything until he knows.

I am very annoyed to find out that you branded my son as illiterate. This is a dirty lie, as I was married one week before he was born.

In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10 pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.

I am forwarding my marriage certificate and five children, one of which is a mistake as you can see.

My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago, and I haven't had any relief since.

Unless I get my husband's money soon, I will be force to lead and immortal life.

You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?

I have no children yet as my husband is a truck driver and works day and night.

In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

I want some money quickly as I can get it. I have been in bed with the same doctor for two weeks, and he doesn't do any good. If things don't improve I will have to get another doctor to help him.










Seth Croston Barber <kn1ght@cyberis.net>
Last modified: Wed Oct 06 13:29:36 PDT 1999

Top 10 Fashion Suggestions for Nerds

While creating Fashion4Nerds.com, we interviewed over 30 young women between the ages of 18 and 32 about their likes and dislikes when it comes to guys' fashion. We even asked them to give special attention to why they consider us Nerds unfashionable.

Here are their Top 10 responses, ordered by frequency of occurrence. Some tips may surprise you - they surprised us!

10. Always wear a belt

Pants have belt-loops for a reason. Use them. You can't go wrong with black or brown, but stay away from large, fancy buckles...

9. White socks are only worn during athletic activities

Gleaming, bright-white socks, worn beneath jet-black dress shoes. Even we have to admit that's pretty ugly...

8. Make sure nails are trimmed and clean

Who knew - women pay attention to a guy's finger nails...

7. No facial hair

Long story short, to be on the safe side, ditch the facial hair. Yes, some men can pull it off, you probably aren't one of them...

6. Pants - no pleats or tapered legs

You're not a rock star, so no tapered or tight-legged jeans...

5. If it has a hole, tear or discoloration throw it out

Doesn't matter how tiny the hole is - get rid of worn out clothing immediately...

4. Running shoes are for the gym ONLY

Simple rule: No running, no running shoes. Period.

3. Do NOT wear free or company t-shirts

Free t-shirts are great, but don't wear them anywhere you actually hope to talk to girls...

2. Do NOT tuck in your shirt (unless at a formal event)

You may think tucking in your shirt looks 'neater', but women disagree. There are a few exceptions...


And the number one suggestion/complaint of women everywhere:


1. Never wear socks with sandals

socksandsandalsThere are few things women hate more than this footwear choice. Ask any woman you can find - to them, wearing socks with sandals is an extremely heinous act...


For more tips: Fashion4Nerds.com.

While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a
playground. "That's my son over there," she said, pointing to a little boy
in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide.

"He's a fine looking boy" the man said. "That's my daughter on the bike in
the white dress." Then, looking at his watch, he called to his daughter.

"What do you say we go, Melissa?"

Melissa pleaded, "Just five more minutes, Dad. Please? Just five more
minutes."

The man nodded and Melissa continued to ride her bike to her heart's
content.

Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his daugheter. "Time
to go now?"

Again Melissa pleaded, "Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes."

The man smiled and said, "O.K."

"My, you certainly are a patient father," the woman responded.

The man smiled and then said, "Her older brother Tommy was killed by a drunk
driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much
time with Tommy and now I'd give anything for just five more minutes with
him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake with Melissa. She thinks she
has five more minutes to ride her bike. The truth is, I get Five more
minutes to watch her play."


Life is all about making priorities; what are your priorities?

Give someone you love 5 more minutes of your time today and send this
inspiring story to them.

1. Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and
ends with a tear.
2. Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.
3. If love isn't a game, why are there so many
players?
4. Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave,
and impossible to forget.
5. You can only go as far as you push.
6. Actions speak louder than words.
7. The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love,
love somebody else.
8. Don't let the past hold you back; you're missing
the good stuff.
9. Life's short. If you don't look around once in a
while, you might miss it.
10. A best friend is like a four leaf clover: hard
to find and lucky to have.
11. If you think that the world means nothing, think
again. You might mean the world to someone else.
12. Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us.
13. When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead,
you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.
14. True friendship never ends.
15. Friends are forever.
16. Good friends are like stars......You don't always
see them, but you know they are always there.
17. Don't frown. You never know who is falling in
love with your smile.
18. What do you do when the only person who can make
you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
19. Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
20. Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay,
then it's not the end.
21. Most people walk in and out of you life. But
only friends leave footprints in your heart.

Formula: 15 minutes every morning reading something spiritual + 15 minutes at lunch reading something career related + 15 minutes before dinner reading self-improvement + 15 minutes before bed reading general topics = 1 Full day of education added to your week!

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.


Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.


Life is the only thing you can't get out of alive.


May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful.


Someone said to Voltaire, "Life is hard." Voltaire replied, "Compared to what?"


We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.


Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!


Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.


Today is the last day of some of your life.


Death is a once in a lifetime experience.


What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.


Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.


After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone.'

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were
discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an
'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.






In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

Outside a Hong Kong tailer shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

From the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 150,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakin tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well speaking
- Here speeching American.

GOD answers prayer in 3 ways :

HE says YES & gives you what you want.

HE says NO and gives you BETTER.

HE says WAIT & gives you the BEST EVER

First God created the ox, and He said to the ox, "Today I have created you! As a beast of burden, this is what you will do. You will go to the field with the farmer all day long. You will work all day under the sun, pulling the plow or hauling wagons! And to do this, I will give you a life span of 50 years."
The ox objected. "What, you want me to live that kind of life for 50 years? Let me have 20 years, that'll be plenty of work, and I'll give 30 years back to you." So God agreed.
Then God created the dog, and He said to the dog, "Okay, dog. What you're going to do is sit all day at the door of your house, and guard the door. Any people that walk by, or try to come in, you bark at them. I'll give you a lifespan of 20 years for this!"
And the dog objected. "What? All day long I have to sit by the door? No way! Just give me ten years. I'll give you back the other ten!" So God agreed.
Then God created the monkey, and He said to the monkey, "A monkey has to be entertaining. You get to make everybody laugh and do tricks. And I'll give you 30 years of life to do this."
And the monkey objected, too. "What, Make people laugh? Monkey tricks? Twenty years will do for that, and the other 10 years, I give back to you." So God agreed.
Then God created Man. He said to the Man, "Your job is to sleep, eat, and play. You will enjoy many things in your life. You're my special creation, and all you have to do is be good and enjoy your life. For this kind of life, I'll give you a 20 years lifespan."
The man objected, too. "What, God? Such a good life? Eat, play, sleep, do nothing? Enjoy the best and you expect me to live for only 20 years? Why don't we make a deal? Since the cow gave you back 30 years, the dog gave you back 10 years and the monkey gave you back 10 years, I will take those years! That will make my lifespan 70 years, right?" So God agreed.
And that's why...
For our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play, enjoy life and do nothing much. For the next 30 years, we work all day long. For the next 10 years, we entertain our grandchildren by making monkey faces and doing tricks. And for the last 10 years, we stay at home, sit in front of the door and bark at people!

Read 1st line carefully

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments,Praise God.

Difficult moments, seek God.

Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.

Every moment, thank God.

>Quick Inspiration For the day: If I Had My Life To Live Over
>
>I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending
>the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for
>the day.
>
>I would have talked less and listened more.
>
>I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was
>stained, or the sofa faded.
>
>I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about
>his youth.
>
>I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer
>day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
>
>There would have been more "I love you's."
>
>...But mostly, given another shot at life, I would sieze every m
>inute...look at it and really see it .... live it...and never
>give it back.
>
>Stop sweating the small stuff. Don't worry about who doesn't like
>you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the
>relationships we have with those who do love us.
>
>Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with. And what we are
>doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally,
>as well as spiritually. Life is too short to let it pass you by. We
>only have one shot at this and then it's gone.
>
>I hope you all have a blessed day.
>
>
>- Erma Bombeck when she found out she had cancer
>
>

Honorable Secretary of Agriculture
Washington, D.C.

Dear Sir:

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Minnesota, received a check for $1,000.00 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.

What I want to know is in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise Razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.

As I see it the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.

My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $122.00 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1,000.00 for not raising hogs.

If I get $1,000.00 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000.00 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $8,000.00 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.

Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going to raise?

I want to get started as soon as possible as this seems to be a good time of the year not to raise hogs and grain.

Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any information on that, too.

In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.

Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.

Patriotically yours,
Roger C. Nemister

P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese?

READ THIS. LET IT REALLY SINK IN. THEN CHOOSE.

Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood
or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood."

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how
you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life."

I reflected on what Michael said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.
After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter," Michael replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity'."

Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead!"

Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we
have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

After all, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

You have two choices now:
(1). Delete this.
(2). Forward it to the people you care about.

You know the choice I made!!!

Twelve tips for a great relationship

Talk to each other. Your partner cannot read your mind, no matter how much they love you. Be clear about what you want to say and listen carefully to your partner.
Spend time together. Love is time, the time you invest in each other. Make your relationship a priority.
Balance the time you spend at work with the time you spend working on your relationship.
To feel good about your relationship you need to feel good about yourself; work on it.
Make room in your relationship for differences and value those differences.
Relationships are flexible; let yours grow and adapt with you.
Set goals for your relationship and plan for your future life together.
Try not to judge, criticise or blame each other. After all, we're only human.
No one is perfect, arguments happen; resolve them with respect.
Be sexually considerate of each other. Be affectionate and have fun. Remember your sex drives may be different.
Be attentive and romantic. Remember how it was when you first met. Keep the hugs, flowers, chocolates and love letters coming.
Express and demonstrate your commitment to the relationship. Have fun and regularly celebrate the things you enjoy in your life together.

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably coifed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.


As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.


"I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.



"Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied.


"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. "It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing." Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Pass this message to 7 people except me. You will receive a miracle tomorrow.

Now, STOP! Did you hear what I just said. You WILL receive a miracle tomorrow. So send it right now!

THE NEXT TIME YOU THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY:

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of
forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male
was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back,
flippers, and facemask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from
burns, but from massive internal injuries.

Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set
about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest
fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a
diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The firefighters,
seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of
helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and
then flown to the forest fire and emptied.

You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the
Pacific, the next he was doing the breaststroke in a fire dip bucket 300
feet in the air. Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the
fire. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

This article was taken from the California Examiner, March 20, 1998.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

STILL THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY?

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the
kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it
accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the
handlebars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the
motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the
crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor,
cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio
door.

The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance. Because they lived
on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to
the street to escort the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance
arrived and transported the man to the hospital, the wife
uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside.

Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels,
blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was
treated and released to come home. Upon arriving home, he looked at the
shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became
despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the
toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped
it between his legs into the toilet bowl while seated. The wife, who was
in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming. She
ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers
had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of
his legs, and his groin.

The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The very same
paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The
paramedics loaded the husband onto the stretcher and began carrying him to
the street.

While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the
wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned
himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of
them slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell down
the remaining stairs and broke his arm.

Taken from a Florida Newspaper.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

STILL HAVING A BAD DAY?

Just remember, it could be worse.....

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill
in Alaska was $8,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively
saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers
and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer
whale ate them both.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in
order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of
needling, he snapped and beat her with an axe leaving her
mentally retarded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically
with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric
kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him
with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking
his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to
his Walkman.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs
to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of
them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two
hapless protesters to death.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And finally.......

Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.
It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the
bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

Your day's not so bad, is it?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another version:

Deep thoughts....by Jack Handey


The next time you're having a bad day, imagine this:

You're a Siamese twin.

Your brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay.

You're not.

He has a date coming over today.

But you have the only ass.

Feel better now?


------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another one:

Are ya havin' a Bad Day????

Well, then, consider this...............................

In a hospital ' s Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in
the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m.,
regardless of their medical condition.


This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had
something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the
mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on
Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to
investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all
of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to
see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden crossses, prayer books, and other holy
objects to ward off the evil spirits.


Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time
Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support
system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.



Having a Bad Day????

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon
Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $ 80,000.00. At a special
ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being
released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from
onlookers.

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them
both.




Still think you are having a Bad Day????


A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking
frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire
running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending
to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with
a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to
that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.



STILL think you ' re having a Bad Day????

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of
sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany. Suddenly,
all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken
fence, stampeding madly.

The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?? STILL having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn ' t pay enough postage on a
letter bomb. It came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on
it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown
to bits.

There now, feeling better????

This is really meaningful and worth spending a minute!!!



I ran into a stranger as he passed by,

"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.



He said, "Please excuse me, too;

I wasn't really watching for you."



We were very polite, this stranger and I.

We went on our way and we said good-bye.



But at home a different story is told,

How we treat our loved ones, young and old.



Later that day, cooking the evening meal,

My son stood beside me very still.



When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.

"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.



He walked away, his little heart broken.

I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.



While I lay awake that night in bed,

God's still small voice came to me and said,



"While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use,

But the children you love, you seem to abuse.



Go and look on the kitchen floor,

You'll find some flowers there by the door.



Those are the flowers he brought for you.

He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.



He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,

You never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."



By this time, I was feeling very small,

And then my tears began to fall.



I quietly went and knelt by his bed;

"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.



"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"

He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.



I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.

I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."



I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;

I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."



He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay. I love you anyway."

I said, "Son, I love you too, and I do like

the flowers, especially the blue."



Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company that

we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.



But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the

rest of their lives.



And come to think of it, we pour ourselves

more into work than into our own family---- an unwise

investment indeed, don't you think?



So what is behind this story? Do you know what the word

FAMILY means?



FAMILY=(F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER,(I) (L)OVE (Y)OU!



Pass this on to everyone that you care about.

I just did!

How to Stay Young and Happy


1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.



2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down. (keep this In mind if you are one of those
grouches;)



3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,
whatever. Never let the brain get idle.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!





4. Enjoy the simple things.


5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and Lots of time
with HIM/HER.



6. The tears happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life,
is yourself. LIVE while you are alive.





7. Surround yourself with what you love:
Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.



8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.





9. Don't take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but
NOT to where the guilt is.




10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity., and
mean it!







And if you don't send this to at least 4 people - who cares?

But do share this with someone. =o)

I am thankful...


.. for the husband who complains when his dinner is
not on time, because it means he is home with me, not
with someone else.


.. for the teenager who is complaining about doing
dishes, because it means she/he is at home, not on the
streets.


.. for the taxes that I pay, because it means that I
am employed .


.. for the mess to clean after a party, because it
means that I have been surrounded by friends.


.. for the clothes that fit a little too snug,
because it means I have enough to eat.


.. for my shadow that watches me work, because it
means I am out in the sunshine.


.. for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need
cleaning, and gutters that need fixing, because it
means I have a home.


.. for all the complaining I hear about the
Government, because it means we have freedom ofspeech.



.. for the parking spot I find at the far end of the
parking lot, because it means I am capable of
walking, and that I have been blessed with
transportation.


.. for my huge heating bill, because it means I am
warm.


.. for the lady behind me in church that sings off
key, because it means that I can hear.


.. for the pile of laundry and ironing, because it
means I have clothes to wear.


.. for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the
day, because it means I have been capable of working
hard and using those limbs.


.. for the alarm that goes off in the early morning,
because it means that I am alive.

And finally


.... for too much e-mail, because it means I have
friends who are thinking of me and are trying to make
me smile even when they are out of touch..




And... Another Version:

THE PARTNER WHO HOGS THE COVERS EVERY NIGHT,BECAUSe
HE/SHE IS NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.


THE CHILD WHO IS NOT CLEANING HIS ROOM, BUT IS
WATCHING TV, BECAUSE THAT MEANS HE IS AT HOME AND NOt
ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES THAT I PAY, BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT I AM
EMPLOYED.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY, BECAUSE IT MEANS
THAT I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG, BECAUSE IT
MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK, BECAUSE IT MEANS I
AM IN THE SUNSHINE.

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED
CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING, BECAUSE IT
MEANS I HAVE A HOME.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINTS I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT,
BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE
PARKING LOT, BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND THAT I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.

FOR MY HUGE HEATING/COOLING BILL, BECAUSE IT MEANS I
AM WARM/REFRESHED.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY,
BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING, BECAUSE IT
MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE
DAY, BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING
HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING
HOURS, BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.AND FINALLY.......


FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL, BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS
WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

---

And more:

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

Language Translation

-------- -----------

Afrikaans Ek het jou liefe

Afrikaans Ek is lief vir jou

Albanian te dua

Albanian te dashuroj

Alentejano(Portugal) Gosto De Ti, Porra!

Alsacien Ich hoan dich gear

Amharic Afekrishalehou

Arabic Ana Behibak (to a male)

Arabic Ana Behibek (to a female)

Arabic Ib'n hebbak.

Arabic Ana Ba-heb-bak

Arabic nhebuk

Arabic Ohiboke (male to female)

Arabic Ohiboka (female to male)

Arabic Ohibokoma (male or female to
two males or two females)

Arabic Nohiboke (more than one male
or female to female)

Arabic Nohiboka (male to male or
female to male)

Arabic Nohibokoma (m. to m. or f. to
two males or two females)

Arabic Nohibokom (m. to m. or f. to
more than two males)

Arabic Nohibokon (m. to m. or f. to
more than two females)

Arabic (not standard) Bahibak (female to male)

Arabic (not standard) Bahibik (male to female)

Arabic (not standard) Benhibak (more than one male
or female to male)

Arabic (not standard) Benhibik (male to male or
female to female)

Arabic (not standard) Benhibkom (m. to m. or female
to more than one male)

Assamese Moi tomak bhal pau

Basc Nere Maitea

Batak Holong rohangku di ho

Bavarian I mog di narrisch gern

Bengali Ami tomAy bhAlobAshi

Bengali Ami tomake bhalobashi.

Berber Lakh tirikh

Bicol Namumutan ta ka

Bolivian Quechua qanta munani

Bulgarian Obicham te

Burmese chit pa de

Cambodian Bon sro lanh oon

Cambodian kh_nhaum soro_lahn nhee_ah

Canadian French Sh'teme (spoken, sounds like
this)

Cantonese Moi oiy neya

Cantonese Ngo oi ney

Catalan T'estim (mallorcan)

Catalan T'estim molt (I love you a
lot)

Catalan T'estime (valencian)

Catalan T'estimo (catalonian)

Cebuano Gihigugma ko ikaw.

Chickasaw chiholloli (first "i"
nasalized)

Chinese (see the entries for mandarin
or cantonese!)

Corsican Ti tengu cara (to female)

Corsican Ti tengu caru (to male)

Croatian LJUBim te

Czech miluji te

Czech MILUJU TE! (colloquial form)

Danish Jeg elsker dig

Dutch Ik hou van jou

Dutch Ik ben verliefd op je

Ecuador Quechua canda munani

English I love you

English I adore you

Esperanto Mi amas vin

Estonian Mina armastan sind

Estonian Ma armastan sind

Farsi Tora dust midaram

Farsi Asheghetam

Farsi (Persian) doostat dAram

Filipino Mahal kita

Filipino Iniibig Kita

Finnish Mina" rakastan sinua

Flemish Ik zie oe geerne

French Je t'aime

French Je t'adore

Friesian Ik hald fan dei

Gaelic Ta gra agam ort

German Ich liebe Dich

Greek s'ayapo (spoken s'agapo, 3rd
letter is lower case

'gamma')

Greek (old) (Ego) philo su (ego is only
needed for emphasis)

Greenlandic Asavakit

Gujrati Hoon tane pyar karoochhoon.

Hausa Ina sonki

Hawaiian Aloha I'a Au Oe

Hebrew Ani ohev otach (male to
female)

Hebrew Ani ohev otcha (male to
male)

Hebrew Ani ohevet otach (female
to female)

Hebrew Ani ohevet otcha (female
to male)

Hindi Mai tumase pyar karata hun
(male to female)

Hindi Mai tumase pyar karati hun
(female to male)

Hindi Main Tumse Prem Karta Hoon

Hindi Mai Tumhe Pyar Karta Hoon

Hindi Main Tumse Pyar Karta Hoon

Hindi Mai Tumse Peyar Karta Hnu

Hindi Mai tumse pyar karta hoo

Hokkien Wa ai lu

Hopi Nu' umi unangwa'ta

Hungarian Szeretlek

Hungarian Szeretlek te'ged

Icelandic Eg elska thig

Indi Mai Tujhe Pyaar Kartha Ho

Indonesian Saya cinta padamu (Saya,
commonly used)

Indonesian Saya cinta kamu ( "
)

Indonesian Saya kasih saudari ( "
)

Indonesian Aku tjinta padamu (Aku, not
often used)

Indonesian Aku cinta padamu ( "
)

Indonesian Aku cinta kamu ( "
)

Iranian Mahn doostaht doh-rahm

Irish taim i' ngra leat

Italian ti amo (if it's a
relationship/lover/spouse)

Italian ti voglio bene (if it's a
friend, or relative)

Japanese Kimi o ai shiteru

Japanese Aishiteru

Japanese Chuu shiteyo

Japanese Ora omee no koto ga suki da

Japanese Ore wa omae ga suki da

Japanese Suitonnen

Japanese Sukiyanen

Japanese Sukiyo

Japanese Watashi Wa Anata Ga Suki Desu

Japanese Watashi Wa Anata Wo Aishithe
Imasu

Japanese Watakushi-wa anata-wo ai
shimasu

Japanese Suki desu (used at 1st time,
like for a start,

when you are not
yet real lovers)

Javanese Kulo tresno

Kannada Naanu Ninnanu Preethisuthene

Kannada Naanu Ninnanu Mohisuthene

Kiswahili Nakupenda

Klingon qabang

Klingon qaparHa' (depends where in the
galaxy you are)

Korean No-rul sarang hae (man to
woman in casual relation)

Korean Tangsinul sarang ha yo

Korean Tangshin-ul sarang hae-yo

Korean Tangsinul Sarang Ha Yo

Korean Tangshin-i cho-a-yo (i like
you, in a romantic way)

Korean Nanun tangshinul sarang
hamnida

Korean Nanun Dangsineul Mucheog
Joahapnida

Korean Nanun Dangsineul Saranghapnida

Korean Nanun Gdaega Joa

Korean Nanun Gdaereul Saranghapnida

Korean Nanun Neoreul Saranghanda

Korean Gdaereul Hjanghan Naemaeum
Alji

Korean Joahaeyo

Korean Saranghae

Korean Saranghaeyo

Korean Saranghapanida

Kurdish Ez te hezdikhem (?)

Lao Koi muk jao

Lao Khoi huk chau

Latin Te amo

Latin Vos amo

Latin (old) (Ego) amo te (ego, for
emphasis)

Latvian Es milu tevi (Pronounced "Ess
tevy meeloo")

Lebanese Bahibak

Lingala Nalingi yo

Lisbon lingo gramo-te bue', chavalinha

Lithuanian TAVE MYLIU (ta-ve mee-lyu)

Lojban mi do prami

Luo Aheri

Macedonian SAKAM TE!

Madrid lingo Me molas, tronca

Malay Saya cintakan mu

Malay Saya sayangkan mu

Malay/Indonesian Saya sayangkan engkau

Malay/Indonesian Saya cintakan awak

Malayalam Njyaan Ninne' Preetikyunnu

Malayalam Njyaan Ninne' Mohikyunnu.

Malayalam Ngan Ninne Snaehikkunnu

Malaysian Saya Cintamu

Malaysian Saya Sayangmu

Malaysian Saya Cinta Kamu

Mandarin Wo ai ni (Wo3 ai4 ni3 in
tonal notation)

Marathi me tujhashi prem karto (male
to female)

Marathi me tujhashi prem karte (female
to male)

Marathi Mi tuzya var prem karato

Mohawk Konoronhkwa

Navaho Ayor anosh'ni

Ndebele Niyakutanda

Norwegian Eg elskar deg (Nynorsk)

Norwegian Jeg elsker deg (Bokmaal)
(pronouncedyai elske dai)

Op Op Lopveop Yopuop

Osetian Aez dae warzyn

Pakistani Mujhe Tumse Muhabbat Hai

Persian Tora dost daram

Pig Latin Ie Ovele Ouye

Polish Kocham Cie

Polish Ja cie kocham

Polish Yacha kocham

Polish Kocham Ciebie

Portuguese Amo-te

Portuguese (Brazilian) Eu te amo

Punjabi Mai taunu pyar karda

Punjabi Main Tainu Pyar Karna

Quenya Tye-mela'ne

Romanian Te iu besc

Romanian Te Ador

Russian Ya vas liubliu

Russian Ya tebya liubliu

Russian Ya polubeel s'tebya

Russian (malincaya) Ya Tibieh Lublue

Scot Gaelic Tha gra\dh agam ort

Serbian ljubim te (I kiss you/love
you,

'lj' pronounced
like 'll' in

Spanish, one
sound, 'ly'ish)

Serbocroatian Volim te

Serbocroatian Ljubim te

Shona Ndinokuda

Sinhalese Mama oyata adarei

Sioux Techihhila

Slovak lubim ta

Slovene ljubim te

Spanish Te quiero

Spanish Te amo

Srilankan Mama Oyata Arderyi

Swahili Naku penda (followed by the
person's name)

Swedish Jag a"lskar dig

Swiss-German Ch'ha di ga"rn

Syrian/Lebanese BHEBBEK (to a female)

Syrian/Lebanese BHEBBAK (to a male)

Tagalog Mahal kita

Tahitian Ua Here Vau Ia Oe

Tamil Ni yaanai kaadli karen
(You love me)

Tamil n^An unnaik kAthalikkinREn (I
love you)

Tamil Naan Unnai Kadalikiren

Tcheque MILUJI TE^

Telugu Neenu ninnu pra'mistu'nnanu

Telugu/india Nenu Ninnu Premistunnanu

Thai Phom Rak Khun (formal, male
to female)

Thai Ch'an Rak Khun (formal,
female to male)

Thai Khao Raak Thoe (affectionate,
sweet, loving)

Thai Phom Rak Khun

Tunisian Ha eh bak
*

Turkish Seni seviyo*rum (o* means
o)

Turkish Seni Seviyurum

Turkish Seni Seviyorum

Ukrainian ja tebe koKHAju (real true
love)

Ukrainian ja vas koKHAju

Ukrainian ja pokoKHAv tebe

Ukrainian ja pokoKHAv vas

Urdu Mujhe tumse mohabbat hai

Urdu Main Tumse Muhabbat Karta Hoon

Vietnamese Em ye^u anh (woman to man)

Vietnamese Toi yeu em

Vietnamese Anh ye^u em (man to woman)

Vlaams Ik hue van ye

Vulcan Wani ra yana ro aisha

Welsh 'Rwy'n dy garu di.

Welsh Yr wyf i yn dy garu di (chwi)

Yiddish Ich libe dich

Yiddish Ich han dich lib

Yiddish Ikh Hob Dikh Lib

Yugoslavian Ya te volim

Zazi Ezhele hezdege (sp?)

Zulu Mena Tanda Wena

Zulu Ngiyakuthanda!

Zuni Tom ho' ichema

Maltese Jien inhobbok (pronounced yinn inhobbok) [Thanks, Kle]



Addition: --------------------------------------------

BUT IN, ...........
Alabama, Arkansas, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas,
North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia,
Tennessee, Missouri, Mississippi, Montana,
Louisiana, Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky &
parts of Florida. . . . . . . .............
.Nice Ass, Get in the truck!

------------------------------------------------------


Now in more than 100 languages :)

English - I love you
Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Albanian - Te dua
Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)
Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)
Armenian - Yes kez sirumen
Bambara - M'bi fe
Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi
Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah
Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a
Catalan - T'estimo
Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)
Creol - Mi aime jou
Croatian - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Estonian - Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian - Afgreki'
Faroese - Eg elski teg
Farsi - Doset daram
Filipino - Mahal kita
Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Georgian - Mikvarhar
German - Ich liebe dich
Greek - S'agapo
Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian - Aloha wau ia oi
Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female)
Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male)
Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw
Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
Hungarian - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
Inuit - Negligevapse
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili - Nakupenda
Konkani - Tu magel moga cho
Korean - Sarang Heyo
Latin - Te amo
Latvian - Es tevi miilu
Lebanese - Bahibak
Lithuanian - Tave myliu
Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni
Marathi - Me tula prem karto
Mohawk - Kanbhik
Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg
Pandacan - Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
Persian - Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish - Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese - Eu te amo
Romanian - Te ubesk
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort
Serbian - Volim te
Setswana - Ke a go rata
Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing'I Love You')
Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux - Techihhila
Slovak - Lu`bim ta
Slovenian - Ljubim te
Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Swedish - Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
Tagalog - Mahal kita
Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)
Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female)
Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male)
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu
Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh
Yoruba - Mo ni fe

If I could be a letter

I would like to be a "Q"

As letters go, it doesn't seem "Q's"

Have all that much to do.

Mostly they get used in words

For doctors and for ducks

Which may well be the only times

That "Q's" get any yucks

"Q's" are never all alone

In anything they do

Because every place you find a "Q"

It's followed by a "U"

But privacy is something

I have never been too keen on

I'd rather know

When I feel low

That I got "U" to lean on.

"Q" and "U" - Together forever!

Shakespeare:
if you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, here's the poison, suicide
yourself for her.


Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
Don't worry, she will come back.


Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she ever comes back, ask her why.


Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she doesn't comes back within some time forget
her.


Patient:
IF you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until
she comes back.


Playful:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
*If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat*


C++ Programmer:
if(you-love(m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she= new CShe;


Lawyers:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of the
Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that....


Bill Gates:
If you love someone,Set her free,
If she comes back, I think we can charge her for
re-installation fees but tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.


Biologist:
If you love someone,
Set her free, She'll evolve.


Statisticians:
If you love someone, Set her free,
If she loves you, the probability of her coming
back is high If she doesn't, the Weibull
distribution and your relation was improbable anyway.


Salesman:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she ever comes back, deal!
If she doesn't, so what! "NEXT".


Schwarzenegger's fans:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
SHE'LL BE BACK!


Insurance agent:
If you love someone,
Show her the plan ....
If she ever comes back, sign her up,
If she doesn't, keep follow up with her and never give up!


Physician:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she ever comes back, it's the law of gravity,
If she doesn't, either there's friction higher than the force or the angle
of collision between two objects did not synchronize at the right angle.


Mathematician:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she ever comes back, 1 + 1 = 2 (peanut!),
If she doesn't, Y = 2X - log(0.46Y^2 + (cos(52/34X)) x 5Y^(-0.5)c) where c
is the infinite constant of no turning point.



Nowadays' style:
If You Love Someone,
Set it free,
If It Comes Back, It is Yours
If It Doesn't, Hunt it Down and Kill It...!!! OR
PERHAPS REPORT TO IMMIGRATION THAT SHE/HE IS AN ILLEGAL



If you love someone
WHY IN THE FIRST PLACE SET HER FREE???
CARELESS IDIOT!!!

Attorney's Advice... and it's free! Read this and make a copy for
yourfiles in case you need to refer to it someday. Maybe we should all
take
some of his advice!



The next time you order checks have only your initials (instead of
first
name) and last name put on them.

If someone takes your check book they will not know if you sign your
checks
with just your initials or your first name but your bank will know how
you
sign your checks.

When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO NOT
put
the complete account number on the "For" line. Instead, just put the
last
four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the number and
anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the
check
processing channels won't have access to it.

Put your work phone # o! n your checks instead of your home phone. If
you
have a PO Box use that instead of your home address. Never have your
SS#
printed on your checks (DUH!) you can add it if it is necessary. But if
you
have it printed, anyone can get it.

Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine, do both sides
of
each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your
wallet
and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel.

Keep the photocopy in a safe place. I also carry a photocopy of my
passport
when I travel either here or abroad.

We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on us in
stealing a name, address, Social Security number, credit cards, etc.

Unfortunately I, an attorney, have firsthand knowledge because my
wallet
was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieve(s) ordered an
expensive
monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a
credit
line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from D
MV
to
change my driving record information online, and more.

But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this
happens to you or someone you know:

We have been told we should cancel our credit cards immediately. But
the
key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you
know
whom to call. Keep those where you can find them easily.

File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where it was
stolen,
this proves to credit providers you were diligent, and is a first step
toward an investigation (if there ever is one).

But here's what is perhaps most important: (I never even thought to do
this).

Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to
place
a fraud alert on your name and Social Security number. I had never
heard
of
doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an
application
for credit was made over the Internet in my! name.

The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your
information
was stolen and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new
credit.

By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft,
all
the damage had been done.

There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves'
purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert. Since
then,
no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet
away
this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them in
their
tracks.

The numbers are:

Equifax: 1-800-525-6285

Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742

Trans Union: 1-800-680-7289

Social Security Administration (fraud line): 1-800-269-0271

We pass along jokes on the Internet; we pass along just about
everything.
Pass this information along. It could really help someone you care
about

The best way to achieve inner peace is to "Finish Things You Have Started."

So today I finished:
two opened bags of potato chips,
the last half of a lemon cream pie,
half a bottle of Jose Cuervo,
a small box of Godiva Chocolates,
and slapped the living shit out of someone I have never liked.
I feel better than I have felt for a long time.

I dreamed I had an interview with God.
"So, you would like to interview me?" God asked.
"If you have the time," I said.
God smiled. "My time is eternity; what questions do
you have in mind to ask
me?"

"What surprises you most about humankind?"
God answered: "That they get bored with childhood --
they rush to grow up
and then long to be children again.
That they lose their health to make money and then
lose their money to
restore their health.

That by thinking anxiously about the future, they
forget the present,
such that they live neither the present nor the
future.
That they live as if they will never die, and they die
as if they had never
lived..."

God's hands took mine and we were silent for while and
then I asked...
"As a parent, what are some of life's lessons you want
your children to
learn?"

God replied with a smile: "To learn that they cannot
make anyone love
them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved.
To learn that what is most valuable is not what they
have in their
lives, but who they have in their lives.

To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to
others.
To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the
most, but is one
who needs the least.

To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open
profound wounds in
persons one loves, and that it may take many years to
heal them.
To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
To learn that there are persons who love them dearly,
but simply do not
know how to express or show their feelings.

To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.
To learn that two people can look at the same thing
and see it very
differently.

To learn that it is not always enough that they be
forgiven by others,
but that they must also forgive themselves.

And to learn that I am here -- always."



---------------------

INTERVIEW WITH GOD



"Come in," God said.

"So, you would like to interview Me?"

"If you have the time," I said.

God smiled and said:

"My time is eternity and is enough to do everything;

what questions do you have in mind to ask me?"

"What surprises you most about mankind?"

God answered:

"That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up,

and then long to be children again.

That they lose their health to make money

and then lose their money to restore their health.

That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present,

such that they live neither for the present nor the future.

That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived ..."

God's hands took mine and we were silent for a while and then I asked . . .

"As a parent, what are some of life's lessons you want your children to learn?"

God replied with a smile:

"To learn that they cannot make anyone love them.

What they can do is to let themselves be loved.

To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives,

but who they have in their lives.

To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.

All will be judged individually on their own merits,

not as a group on a comparison basis!

To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most,

but is one who needs the least.

To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.

To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.

To learn that there are persons that love them dearly,

but simply do not know how to express or show their feelings.

To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.

To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it totally different.

To learn that a true friend is someone who knows everything about them . . .

and likes them anyway.

To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others,

but that they have to forgive themselves."

I sat there for awhile enjoying the moment.

I thanked Him for his time and for all that He has done for me and my family,

and He replied,

"Anytime. I'm here 24 hours a day.

All you have to do is ask for me, and I'll answer."

People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did,

but people will never forget how you made them feel.

>
> A true story from the Japanese Embassy in US:
>
> Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English
> conversation training before he visits Washington
> and meets with President Bill Clinton.
> The instructor told Mori " Prime Minister, when you
> shake hand with President Clinton, please say
> 'how are you'. Then Mr Clinton should say
> "I am fine, and you ?" Now you should say 'me too'.
> Afterwards we translators will do all the work for you."
>
> It looks quite simple, but the truth is ................
>
> When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You ?".
> Mr Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react
> with humor : "Well, I am Hilary's husband, ha ha..."
> Then Mori replied confidently "Me too, ha ha ha.."
> Then there was a long silent moment in the meeting room.
>
>

Reflections On The Nature Of Love

"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is
pretty good too."
-Greg, age 8

What Is The Proper Age To Get Married?

"Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don't have to work
anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in
your bedroom."
-Judy, age 8

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife!"
-Tom, age 5

What Do Most People Do On A Date?

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that
usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
-Mike, age 10

When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone?

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to
buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have
videos of the wedding."
-Jim, age 10

"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing
thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be
willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few
hours."
-Kally, age 9

The Great Debate: Is It Better To Be Single Or Married?

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
somebody to clean up after them!"
-Lynette, age 9

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a
kid. I don't need that kind of trouble."
-Kenny, age 7

Concerning Why Love Happens Between Two Particular People

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to
do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so
popular."
-Jan, age 9

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or
something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful."
-Harlen, age 8

"One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else
who has freckles too."
-Andrew, age 6

On What Falling In Love Is Like

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
-Roger, age 9

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I
don't want to do it. It takes too long."
-Leo, age 7

On The Role Of Good Looks In Love

"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your
family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful."
-Jeanne, age 8

"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome
like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet."
-Gary, age 7

"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long
time."
-Christine, age 9

Concerning Why Lovers Often Hold Hands

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they
paid good money for them."
-Dave, age 8

"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down
the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing."
-John, age 9

Confidential Opinions About Love

"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The
Simpsons' is on television."
-Anita, age 6

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I
have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the
girls keep finding me."
-Bobby, age 8

"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade
hard enough."
-Regina, age 10

"Love is foolish ... but I still might try it sometime."
-Floyd, age 9

The Personal Qualities Necessary To Be A Good Lover

"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if
you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of
bills."
-Ava, age 8

"Sensitivity don't hurt."
-Robbie, age 8

Some Surefire Ways To Make A Person Fall In Love With You

"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores."
-Del, age 6

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might
get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love."
-Alonzo, age 9

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's
something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me."
-Bart, age 9

"Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs...and
don't worry if their parents are right there."
-Manuel, age 8

How Can You Tell If Two Adults Eating Dinner At A Restaurant Are
In Love?

"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can
tell if he's in love."
-John, age 9

"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will
get cold. Other people care more about the food."
-Brad, age 8

"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on
fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their
hearts are... on fire."
-Christine, age 9

"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are
just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they
just broke up."
-Sarah, age 9

"See if the man has lipstick on his face."
-Sandra, age 7

What Most People Are Thinking When They Say "I Love You"

"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope
he showers at least once a day."
-Michelle, age 9

"Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they
finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat."
-Dick, age 7

How Do People In Love Typically Behave?

"Mooshy... like puppy dogs... except puppy dogs don't wag their
tails nearly as much."
-Arnold, age 10

"All of a sudden, the people get movie fever so they can sit
together in the dark."
-Sherm, age 8

How A Person Learns To Kiss

"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get
the best of you."
-Doug, age 7

"It might help to watch soap operas all day."
-Carin, age 9

"You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls."
-Julia, age 7

How Was Kissing Invented?

"I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel
warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or
fireplaces or even stoves in their houses."
-Gina, age 8

When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone?

"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over
you... That's why I stopped doing it."
-Jean, age 10

"When they're rich."
-Pam, age 7

"If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it's a
new person, you have to ask permission."
-Roger, age 6

How To Make Love Endure

"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work."
-Tom, age 7

"Don't forget your wife's name... That will mess up the love."
-Roger, age 8

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you
never take out the trash."
-Randy, age 8

"Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind... Love
isn't like picking what movie you want to watch."
-Natalie, age 9

Titles Of The Love Ballads You Can Sing To Your Beloved

"'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your Nose?'"
-Arnold, age 10

"'You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.'"
-Larry, age 8

"'I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!'"
-Eddie, age 6

"'I Am in Love with You Most of the Time, but Don't Bother Me
When I'm with My Friends.'"
-Bob, age 9

"'Hey, Baby, I Don't like Girls but I'm Willing to Forget You
Are One!'"
-Will, age 7