Random Fortunes

Random Fortunes

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I've got a patent pending on swallowing, oxidation, and chewing gum.
Death by suffocation is a piece of apple strudel next to a night with you.
Love is a cruel and bitter way of paying you back for all the faith you ever had in your brain.
Okay, blow jobs. Here's the secret: Few people actually enjoy giving blow jobs, as blow jobs are hard, awkward, drool-inducing work.
Sore jaws and stiff necks are to be expected, and, as incentives go...
She used to be self-conscious about her large breasts, but now she feels they're a turn-on!
Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd be sitting around in darkened rooms munching pills and listening to repetitive music.
Eating, drinking, smelling flowers and even the sensations of waste elimination can become special experiences on MDMA.
Lately, the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my distaste for manual labor.
-- Dilbe...
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald...
Politics is for the moment, an equation lasts eternity" -- Albert Einstei

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