Best Fortunes

Best Fortunes

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There was a bluestocking in Florence Wrote anti-sex pamphlets in torrents, Till a Spanish grandee, Got her off with his knee, And she burned all her works with abhorrence.
There was a gay countess of Bray, And you may think it odd when I say, That in spite of high station, Rank and education, She always spelled cunt with a "k".
There was a young fellow named Bliss Whose sex life was strangely amiss, For even with Venus His recalcitrant penis Would never do better than t h i s .
There was a young girl from Hong Kong Whose cervical cap was a gong.
She said with a yell, As a shot rang her bell, "I'll give you a ding for a dong!...
There was a young girl named Sapphire Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
She said, "It's a sin, But now that it's in, Could you shove it a few inches higher?...
There was a young girl of Angina Who stretched catgut across her vagina.
From the love-making frock (With the proper sized cock) Came Tocata and Fugue in D minor....
There was a young girl of Darjeeling Who could dance with such exquisite feeling There was never a sound For miles around Save of fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.
There was a young lad name of Durcan Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
His father said, "Durcan! Stop jerkin' your gherkin! Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'....
There was a young lady from Maine Who claimed she had men on her brain.
But you knew from the view, As her abdomen grew, It was not on her brain that he'd lain....
There was a young lady named Clair Who possessed a magnificent pai
At least so I thought Till I saw one get caught On a thorn, and begin losing air....

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