- He'd have brought a fishing pole with him when he walked on water.
- His last words on the cross would have been, "Hey, Paul, I kin see my house from up here."
- He'd be famous for turning water into beer.
- The prayer for the Passover meal would have been, "Good food, good meat, good God, let's eat."
- His front yard would have been littered with broken down mule carts.
- Instead of a grail, King Arthur would been searching for the Holy Beer Mug.
- He would have cured blindness by yelling, "Yer healed" and slapping them on the forehead.
- The disciples would have included Billy Bob, Scooter, and Bubba.
- Sex, drinking, and dancing would clearly have been declared not sinful.
- Instead of a fish, the symbol for Jesus would be a fishing lure.