Jokes From Emails

Jokes From Emails

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5000 years ago Moses said, "Pack up you camel, pick up your shovel, mount your ass, and I will lead you to the promised land.
5000 years later, F. D. Roosevelt said, " Lay down your shovel, sit o...
SOME AMUSING STEVE WRIGHT SAYINGS (and look-alikes) From various sources, some from memory, grouped in a semi-random way.
I excluded just a few that I thought weren't very funny. These are likely...
big picture --- A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space.
On the back it said, "Wish you were here." I'm moving to Mars next week...
banks --- I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money.
They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar....
museums --- I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy...
estaurants --- I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time".
So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance....
ores --- I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
I worked in a health food store once....
appliances --- For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
.. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out....
elephones --- I saw a close friend of mine the other day.
.. He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want....
apartments --- My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost.
It's in the apartment somewhere. I installed a skylight in my apartment....

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