Miscellaneous Collections

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1. If a programmer's modification of an existing program works, it's probably not what the users want.
2. Users don't know what they really want, but they know for certain what they don't want. -- Ma...
1. If a student asks for a second time if you have read his book report, he did not read the book.
2. If daily class attendance is mandatory, a scheduled exam will produce increased absenteeism....
1] If at all possible, don't. Let someone else do it.
2] Change majors. 3] Insert/remove blank lines at random spots, re-compile, and execute....
1) If a tarpaulin can flap, it will. (2) If a small boy can get dirty, he will.
(3) If a teenager can go out, he will. -- Three Rules of Immutability...
1) If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems will malfunction.
1. If it's green or wriggles, it's biology. 2. If it stinks, it's chemistry.
3. If it doesn't work, it's physics. 4. If it's incomprehensible, it's mathematics....
1) If it should exist, it doesn't. (2) If it does exist, it's out of date.
(3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the first two laws....
1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2.
If you drink a diet soda and a candy bar, these two items will automatically cancel each other out....
1. If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once.
2. If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points....
1) If someone says he will do something without fail, he won't.
(2) The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make....

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