Best Fortunes

Best Fortunes

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One day President Reagan, Chairman Andropov, the Pope, and a boy scout were flying together in an airplane.
Right out in the middle of nowhere the plane developed engine trouble and started to go d...
One Saturday afternoon, during the campaign to decide whether or not there should be a Coastal Commission, I took a helicopter ride from Los Angeles to San Diego.
We passed several state beache...
One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists.
But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist....
Opinions are like assholes -- everyone's got one, but nobody wants to look at the other guy's.
-- Hal Hickma...
Our [softball] team usually puts the other woman at second base, where the maximum possible number of males can get there on short notice to help out in case of emergency.
As far as I can tell, ou...
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear -- kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor -- with the cry of grave national emergency.
.. Always there has been some terrible ev...
Overheard in a bar: Man: "Hey, Baby, I'd sure like to get in your pants!
Woman: "No, thanks, I've already got one ass-hole in there now....
People who develop the habit of thinking of themselves as world citizens are fulfilling the first requirement of sanity in our time.
-- Norman Cousi...
Physicists do it with charm
Politicians do it to everyone.

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