Best Fortunes

Best Fortunes

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Sure eating yogurt will improve your sex life. People know that if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.
Sure, Reagan has promised to take senility tests. But what if he forgets?
Taxes should hurt. I just mailed my own tax return last night and I am prepared to say `ouch!
' as loud as anyone." -- Ronald Reaga...
The Army is a place where you get up early in the morning to be yelled at by people with short haircuts and tiny brains.
-- Dave Barry...
The big problem with pornography is defining it. You can't just say it's pictures of people naked.
The computer is the ultimate polluter: its shit is indistinguishable from the food it produces.
The defense attorney was hammering away at the plaintiff
You claim," he jeered, "that my client came at you with a broken bottle in his hand....
The difference between this school and a cactus plant is that the cactus has the pricks on the outside.
The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost would never throw the Devil out of Heaven as long as they still need him as a fourth for bridge.
-- Letter in NEW LIBERTARIAN NOTES #19...
The Gray-haired Woman's Complaint My back aches, my pussy is sore
I simply can't fuck any more; I'm covered with sweat, And you haven't come yet, And my God, it's a quarter to four!...

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