Best Fortunes

Best Fortunes

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Posterity will ne'er survey A nobler grave than thi
Here lie the bones of Castlereagh; Stop, traveler, and piss....
Procrastinators do it tomorrow.
Prostitution is the only business where you can go into the hole and still come out ahead.
Q: How do you play religious roulette? A: You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets struck by lightning first.
Q: How do you tell if an Elephant has been making love in your backyard?
A: If all your trashcan liners are missing ......
Q: How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or an airline stewardess?
A: A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit." A schoolteacher says: "We're going to have to do...
Q: How many right-to-lifers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to say that light started when the screwing began....
Q: How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself....
Q: How much money do you give to a 900 foot Jesus? A: As much as he wants.
Q: If Tarzan was Jewish, and Jane was a princess, what would Cheetah be? A: A fur coat.

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